Dirty Letters(71)

Now, granted, that summer I’d been very frustrated with the big cowlick that always stuck up on the right side of the front of my hair, and I’d had the bright idea that if I cut it off at the base of the roots, no one would notice. So I was waiting for that bus while missing a good chunk of hair on one side of my head. Basically, I was a weirdo, so any of our classmates would have had a damn good reason to keep away.

Anyway, I got on that bus wearing a big cowboy hat, thinking no one would notice my hair if I rocked my cool new style. The only problem was, cowboy hats were totally uncool and all the kids started making fun of me. Telling them my father was a farmer—in Manhattan—didn’t exactly help my situation. But you got up from your seat and walked over and sat down next to me. You told me to ignore them, though I couldn’t. That day was absolutely horrible, and I dreaded going back on Tuesday. Until I got on the bus and saw you sitting there with an ear-to-ear smile—wearing a big old cowboy hat. That’s when I realized that I was a weirdo, but my new best friend loved me anyway.

Yearbooks are supposed to be about reminding people of all the good times you’ve shared. Since there aren’t enough pages in this book to begin to put a dent in our memories, I’m going to tell you the reasons I love you, instead.

You always laugh at my bad jokes.

You’re the kindest person I know.

You taught me to follow my dreams by watching you chase your own down.

You can’t wait to wake up tomorrow to experience life.

You always have a smile on your face.

You’re fearless.

The last twelve years were a blast, but it’s only the beginning for us. You’re going to conquer the world, Luca Vinetti. We may be going off to college a thousand miles apart, but no matter how much distance life puts between us, I’ll always be rooting for you.

Your BF Forever,

Izzy





Griffin: Morning, my beautiful girl. Why did the sperm cross the road?

A few seconds later, a second text came in.

Griffin: Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

I don’t know why, but the joke sent me into a fit of laughter. Maybe it was maniacal, I’m not sure, but it felt like I needed it. Griffin had been texting me twice daily over the last week, since I’d been avoiding him. Each morning he’d send me a joke, and each evening he’d let me know the various ways he’d thought of me throughout the day. I sometimes texted back, but it was nothing more than a gratuitous thank-you or lame smiley face. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to have contact with him; it was because I didn’t know what to say. I was ashamed of how I’d spiraled into a dark place, and I also didn’t know how to talk to him about us—where we were. So I’d done the immature thing and pulled away without explanation.

I reread his text and couldn’t help but laugh at the joke a second time. In my head, I pictured him actually putting on a crusty sock. Then I remembered Izzy’s letter from the yearbook that I’d read yesterday.

You always laugh at my bad jokes.

I did have a penchant for really bad jokes. She was right about that. But the rest of the stuff, I wasn’t so sure.

You’re fearless.

God, had I really been fearless once? Because I couldn’t remember a time when I lived without fear.

You can’t wait to wake up tomorrow to experience life.

Experience life. I’d created a world that was just about as far away from real life as it could be. I lived in the middle of nowhere, wrote about characters who were figments of my imagination, and often the only person I spoke to during the day was Hortencia.

We may be going off to college a thousand miles apart, but no matter how much distance life puts between us, I’ll always be rooting for you.

She couldn’t possibly have known just how much distance would wind up between us, but for some reason, today I felt like she was rooting for me. I felt her presence more than ever, only today, it gave me a little courage. So I decided to type back to Griff.

Luca: What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

He responded two seconds later.

Griffin: What?

Luca: They’re both meat substitutes.

Griffin: LOL. What do you call a twenty-five-year-old rock star who doesn’t masturbate when he hasn’t seen his girl for two full weeks?

Luca: What?

Griffin: A liar.

I laughed out loud again.

Luca: What do you call a truck full of dildos?

Griffin: What?

Luca: Toys for Twats.

Griffin: Okay, that one just made me spit water through my nose.

It was the first time I’d had a smile on my face in two weeks. I looked over at the photo still on my nightstand. “Thanks, Izzy.”

Taking a deep breath, I moved my finger up over Griffin’s name and hit “Call” instead of texting him.

He answered on the first ring.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Are you busy? I needed to hear your voice.”

“I’m never too busy for you, love.”





CHAPTER 30

GRIFFIN


The light mood of our conversation quickly changed. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately,” she said. “I feel like I’ve taken a few steps back since you left.”

I hated that she felt guilty for anything. “You never have to apologize for how you feel. You know I accept you as you are. You’re not required to act or feel a certain way. But I do need you to respond at some point to my messages so that I know you’re okay.”