Dirty Letters(67)

P.S. “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do” is the answer. The question is, does Griffin love Luca very much?

P.P.S. I dare you to correspond in your next letter incorporating the ABBA songs I didn’t use. Let’s see who does it better. “The Winner Takes It All.” (Another one you can’t use.)

P.P.P.S. A little ABBA trivia for you. What’s the song “Super Trouper” about? I looked it up and it’s eerie how much it mirrors my life right now.



Well, he’d done it. He’d managed to make me smile. Leave it to Griffin.

I clutched the letter to my chest before reading it a couple of more times.

Griffin had given me his entire tour schedule with a special number for the tour manager in case I needed to reach him in an emergency. If I planned this wisely, I could have my letter delivered to one of the venues. That’s what I’d do. I’d call the manager and figure out how to get a letter to Griffin like he’d asked. That meant I had to accept his ABBA challenge, too.



It felt like old times as I settled into my couch later that night and started to write back to him. Talk about déjà vu.

Dear Griffin,

Wow. I learn something new from you every day. I’d never really paid attention to the lyrics of “Super Trouper.” Some believe that song is about how challenging stardom is. The part that really got to me is when they sing about loneliness despite having all those fans. And how stardom doesn’t take away the longing for that one person. Shit. It’s like it mirrored exactly what you said in your letter to me.

I have this fantasy of cuddling next to you at night in your little bunk. In my dreams, there’s no light, but we don’t need it. It’s just you and me and the sound of the road. I think about that a lot. My heart is on that bus with you. Please know that.

Anyway, “Honey Honey,” I’m trying to catch myself before this letter gets too emotional or sad. Because our letters have always been about lifting each other up. (Even when we’re letting each other down.) Lifting each other up should be “The Name of the Game,” but I guess I can’t help it. The emotional side of things is winning out tonight.

“The Day Before You Came” to stay with me, I couldn’t have imagined how much having you here would change the way I see my world without you in it. Now that you’ve come and gone, I see how much brighter things really are when you’re by my side. “When All Is Said and Done,” I am finding it really hard to live without you. But I’m no closer to a conclusion on how this could possibly work between us long-term. I don’t know if it’s too much to ask you to “Take a Chance on Me” when I might fail you. I just don’t have the right answer. All I really want is for you to continue to “Lay All Your Love on Me,” but I’m scared and sending out an “SOS” to the universe to help lead me in the right direction.

God, I totally flubbed up making that fun. It turned out to be a rambling, depressing diatribe about my insecurities mixed in with a bunch of ABBA songs. But do I at least get points for incorporating them like you asked?

Anyway, I miss you, too. So much. Which was the city that you said would have a live feed of the concert I’d be able to watch? I think you mentioned it was toward the end of the tour? I can’t wait to watch you live, Griffin. Even though I should be there in person, please know that I’m so proud of you, how you get up there and perform even when you’re feeling down. That takes a lot. And I know I’m the cause of some of the thoughts that might be bringing you down lately. I want to change that so badly. But I have to change me. And that’s always been hard.

I love you.

Luca

P.S. “Hasta Ma?ana.” (Figured I’d get one more in.)





A few days later, the phone rang in the middle of the afternoon. My heart sped up upon recognizing it was Griffin.

I picked up. “Hey!”

“You did good, baby. They delivered the letter to my dressing room at The Palladium. I knew you’d come through.”

My heart fluttered. “I’m so glad it got to you. I was really worried that it would get lost or just miss you, and then I’d have to figure out a way to get it to the next place.”

“Nope, it was perfect.” He hesitated. “Listen, I don’t have that much time, because they’re calling me for a sound check, but I wanted to give you a heads-up about something. I figured you wouldn’t know about it if you’re still following through on your vow not to Google me.”

My stomach dropped. What do I not know about?

“Okay . . .”

“They posted some photos on a celebrity website of us vacating the hotel in Chicago during the fire alarm.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief. “I see.”

“I know you sometimes read the tabloids in the supermarket, and I don’t yet know if any of those photos ended up in any of the magazines as well, but I wanted to warn you in case you happened to see it.”

“It’s okay . . . Believe it or not, it doesn’t really bother me to be photographed. I mean, it’s intrusive and not ideal, but it doesn’t make me panic or anything.”

“Well, that’s a relief, because that trip was hard enough without that moment having to live in infamy.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about the photos.”