Dirty Letters(65)

He’d ended up returning the rental car and had insisted on calling an Uber rather than have me drive him to the airport. I hated the fact that I was relieved about that, since navigating the airport always stressed me out. It was so congested. A “normal” person would have insisted on driving him.

When Griffin finally noticed me standing there, he remained silent. The look of melancholy on his face was evident. I just couldn’t be sure whether it was disappointment in the way our trip had turned out or the fact that he had to leave. As much as I’d ruined things, I just wanted him to stay—forever. I wanted to cuddle with him on the couch tonight, order a pineapple pizza, and fall asleep in his arms. I wasn’t ready to share him with the world again.

“I’m sorry that you have to go when things are so up in the air between us,” I finally said.

He stood from the bed and walked toward me.

His eyes looked tired when he said, “Nothing is up in the air from my point of view. I’ve got a lot of fight in me, Luca. I’m here for the long haul if you want me to be. But in the end, regardless of what I might have said about not letting you leave me, I can’t force you to do anything. That’s the one thing I can’t do.” He wiped a tear from my cheek. “It will never be perfect. It will never not be scary. So if you’re waiting for this to not feel terrifying, it never will. There will be hard times. But there will be amazing ones, too. You have to decide whether we’re worth the hardships. In the end, it’s going to come down to one thing: whether love is enough.”

“I do love you so much,” I blurted through my tears.

“I know you do.” Griffin kissed the top of my head and repeated, “I know you do.”

The sound of a car beeping resonated.

He closed his eyes. “Shit. That’s my ride.”

I gripped his shirt. “Damn it. Not yet.”

“Figures the bloody Uber would be right on time.”

Griffin brought me into him and squeezed me hard. I felt the weight of a thousand words in that hug.

“Please call me when you land,” I said.

“I will.”

He finally planted a long kiss on my lips before ripping himself away. “I can’t do long goodbyes. They suck. So I’m gonna slip out.”

“Me neither. I hate them.”

Rolling his suitcase, he started walking toward the door when he stopped and turned around to face me. “In case I wasn’t clear, love is enough for me, Luca. But you have to let me love you.”



The days after Griffin left felt strange to say the least. My life seemed emptier than it ever had. Having him with me for that extended period of time had made me realize how alone I’d really been for so long. It had felt so good to have him around, to feel so protected.

I’d finally made it to the grocery store for my first overnight shopping trip since the time Griffin had accompanied me. This place now reminded me of him. As I perused the aisles, I’d remember things we spoke about the one time we were here together or remember items he’d dumped into the cart as I spotted them on the shelves.

Melons: Griffin.

Fruity Pebbles: Griffin.

Doritos: Griffin.

Daydreaming, I leaned against the cart and pushed it slowly, nearly missing a broken jar of tomato sauce by my feet in aisle eleven.

It took longer than usual to make it around the entire market. I finally arrived at the register.

Doris beamed when she spotted me. “Well, well, well. I’ve been waiting to see you. Someone has a lot of explaining to do!”

I cringed, not wanting to get into Griffin right now.

“Hey, Doris,” I said, beginning to unload my cart.

“Long time no see.” She started to scan my items while shaking her head. “You and Cole Archer. I still can’t wrap my head around it.”

“Believe me, even I haven’t fully wrapped my head around it.”

“Is he still staying with you? Where is he?” she asked, eyes wide.

“He’s on tour, actually. A dozen cities around the United States.”

“When will you see him again?”

“I’m not sure,” I answered truthfully.

“I want you to know that I didn’t tell a soul he was in Vermont. I didn’t want to make trouble for you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“My niece would have shit a brick if she knew. I didn’t risk it, because she has a big mouth. Someday I’ll tell her.” She snickered. “She’s gonna kill me.”

I nodded silently.

She picked up on my worried vibe. “Is everything okay with you two?”

Should I be honest with her? Heck, there were so few people I even talked to on a regular basis. Doc and Doris were pretty much it. I decided to open up a little.

“I’m not sure if it’s going to work out. You know about . . . my issues . . . Well, some things happened while I went away with him, and let’s just say . . . it really brought home how difficult it would be to make it work.”

She stopped scanning. “Wait a second . . . you’re not considering breaking up with him?” When I didn’t say anything, she drew her own conclusion. “Luca . . . that boy loves you. He loves you. You can’t do this to me.”

To her? Was I hearing her correctly?