Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(62)

Once we were back in our own shoes, I began walking back towards the car when Killian stopped me, shaking his head from side to side.

“We’re not done yet,” he winked, pulling me next to him. We headed back towards the ice-skating rink, but this time we walked alongside it.

“See how elegantly they’re all skating?”

“What’s your point Reese?”

“You didn’t look like that… I thought you said you were a pro.”

“I’m a pro spectator,” he snorted which caused a laugh to bubble out of me. Killian stopped me, turning me to look at the Rockefeller tree, I was stunned. My eyes slowly moved up the tree, taking in every inch of it. It was truly breath-taking. I have seen it on television and in films so many times, but actually standing in front of it, seeing it in person was something else.

“Wow, it’s beautiful,” I whispered, that’s all I could manage. Words failed me.

“I know right,” I felt his stare on me. After a moment, Killian’s hand wrapped around my waist as he moved behind me, his face nuzzling into my neck as I felt him inhale my scent. “But it’s not as beautiful as you.”

My skin erupted, a shiver dancing up my spine causing the hairs on my arms and neck to stand tall. I couldn’t explain how he made me feel. I knew it was wrong to feel anything towards him, but I couldn’t stop myself.

We were so wrong for each other.

But the pull towards him was too much for me to ignore. Turning around to face him, I had to catch my breath. I don’t think I would ever get over just how beautiful he was. My fingers brushed against his stubble that was dusted over his jaw line, the friction making the tips of my fingers burn. My hands clasped his face, pulling his lips down to meet mine. I wanted to be strong and fight the urge, but I couldn’t. Even if this was our last kiss, our last date, our last moment of just us. I wanted it to be here. In this picture-perfect moment where nothing else in the world mattered apart from us two.

“I never want to stop kissing you,” he whispered against my lips before covering them again.

My heart skipped a beat. I felt constricted.

“The feeling is mutual.” Pulling away from him, I sucked my bottom lip in, “but this will never work, Killian.” The prick of tears formed behind my eyes, but I blinked them away. I didn’t want to cry.

His callous thumb rubbed against my cheek, brushing a lone tear that ran down.

“We can make it work,” he whispered.

I shook my head from side to side.

“I can’t do it to Connie, we can’t do it to Connie; and that’s without going into any of the other reasons.” The familiar burn coursed down my throat; my lungs tight as I gasped for air. It felt as if a steel pipe had been thrust into my windpipe.

Killian just nodded, his hand still cupping my cheek before he stepped towards me, his lips pursing before placing them onto my forehead. He lingered for a moment; my eyes closed as I felt the tears begin to fall. And this time, I didn’t stop them.

“Come,” he said softly, taking my hand and leading us away from the Christmas tree.

I didn’t know where we were going, I just hoped it wasn’t home yet.



We sat in a cosy, tucked away coffee shop. The smell of the coffee beans drifted through my nose. Behind the counter there was fresh cakes and pastries as well as an assortment of little chocolates.

Killian walked back to the table with two fully loaded hot chocolates. I smiled and took mine from him as it warmed my hands.

He shrugged his coat off and laid it next to him on the free seat next to him in our booth.

“Let’s talk,” he reached across, taking my hand and rubbing his thumb across the back.

“What do you want to talk about?” my smart mouth working quicker than my brain.

“Everything. I said earlier, I want to know everything about you,” he smiled.

I nodded, inhaling deeply as my eyes fell to the melting whipped cream on my drink.

“Okay,” breathing out my held breath, trying to calm the firework of nerves that were exploding inside, my heart jack hammering in my chest. “So, you remember when I said I was supposed to marry someone else?” I still didn’t lift my eyes, I couldn’t look at him, so instead I focused on my drink, watching the cream slowly melt into the thick, brown liquid.

“Yeah,” his voice was low.

“Well, I was engaged to my childhood sweetheart, Elijah.” I felt the needles prick behind my eyes, but I was determined not to cry. I could do this.

“What happened?” he asked before I could continue.

“He passed away two years ago; he was on his way home from a job interview. He had worked so hard to get to that point, to take the next step he needed for his career. He text me to tell me he was leaving, but he never showed up. Next thing I knew, I had the police on my doorstep telling me that he had died behind the wheel. They told me he died of sudden death syndrome, no explanation, no reason. Elijah was a health freak, gym five days a week, always ate clean…” I felt the wobble of my bottom lip, but I ignored it. I needed to get through this story without crying. “I didn’t believe it, I kept asking if he was okay even after the police officer told me he had been in a fatal road accident. No one else was harmed, but my Elijah didn’t make it.” I sniffed, blinking away the pool of tears that were beginning to fill my eyes. “We had planned our lives, we were trying for a baby but because of his job plans, we put it on hold for a few months... we never got the chance to become a family.” I swallowed the apple sized lump down, my eyes still cast down. “He was the love of my life, I never thought I would move on…” but now I lifted them, my watery gaze catching his stare and holding it.