Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(14)

He was just being nice.

That’s all.

Nice and friendly.

Throwing the duvet back I walked into the stunning, large and light bathroom and turned the tap on for the tub.

I needed a nice bath. Sinking deep into the bubbles and laying there with a clear mind while blasting Taylor Swift from my phone.

It sounded just like heaven.

A pang of pain shot through my heart.

Heaven.

If it was heaven at least I would see my beautiful Elijah again, even if it was just one last time. If I knew the last time, I saw him would be the day he passed, I would have never let him go. I would have made him stay in bed, kissing me, me kissing him. Loving him for as long as I could. My fingers would have traced over his pale skin, drawing a map that only my fingers knew, that only my heart could remember the way to.

The thought of never getting him back again was a heavy weight in my heart, an ache that would never leave. It may ease, but it would never leave. He was imprinted in my heart. I may fall in love again, but his heart would always belong to mine. And mine would always be tied to his.

At least we both got to say I love you one last time.

He died knowing how much I loved him, our love had no limits, it was infinite.

Shutting the tap off, I pulled my clothes from last night away from my body and dropped them to the floor. Dipping my toe in, my skin spreading in approving goosebumps as the heat warmed me.

Slipping into the bath and submerging myself, I reached for my phone and pressed play on All Too Well – Taylor Swift.

And then I cried.





It had just gone two pm. I needed to eat, my stomach growling reminding me that I hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon.

I walked through the hotel lobby, wearing a lemon summer dressed and tanned wedges, my cross-body bag hugging my body.

I saw Connie come bounding towards me like an excited puppy dog.

“Hey girl,” she called out, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “On a scale of one to ten, how rough are you?”

“A solid eight.” I said, the alcohol still lingering on her breath making my stomach roll.

“Damn! I’m about a six. I had the munchies once I kicked Kieran out. He was a rocket in bed.” She nudged into me, dropping her arm from me and slipping it through my arm instead.

“Lucky you.” I groaned as we stopped before the revolving doors, her arm pulling out of mine.

“Oh no…” her eyes widened, her fingers tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Was it a crap lay?”

“Proper crap.” I flushed with embarrassment. It could have been me? Maybe I was the shit lay.

“Oh girl, I’m sorry.” She winced before pulling me into a tight embrace. “I’ll make it up to you, we will go out on the town and actually make it past the hotel doors tonight.” She winked before laughing.

“To be honest, I feel dead on my feet. Can we take a rain check?” I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, my hands pressed together as I pleaded with her.

I watched as she rolled her eyes so far back into her head, I was worried they would get stuck.

“Fine!” she crossed her arms across her chest, “I suppose I can let you chill.” She shook her head side to side, “but, next weekend… we’re out.”

I smiled at her, “I pinkie promise.” Holding my little finger out and waiting for her to wrap her little finger round mine.

“And you never break a pinkie.”

“Absolutely not.” I nodded before we broke away. “Enjoy the rest of your shift, I’m going for a walk.” I sighed a blissful sigh.

“Lucky bitch,” she groaned, “I still have five hours left.”

“I hope it goes quick!” I beamed, holding my hand up to say bye before disappearing through the revolving doors, the sun beating down on my skin.

Sitting at a small table with a cup of soda and a shake shack burger and crinkly chips drizzled in a cheese sauce. This was just what the doctor ordered for my hangover.

It was delicious.

Central Park was heaving and buzzing, and I loved the energy I felt from the park. I had always dreamt of coming here and now here I was.

Sitting here and soaking up every single moment of it.

Once I was finished, I cleared my mess and started walking. I had no clue where I was going, but I didn’t care. I just needed to walk and clear my mind. It felt too heavy with everything that had happened over the last few hours, plus it was always filled of what ifs and grief with Elijah. I never wanted to lose him from my thoughts, his memories and the heaviness I felt at his loss were in a safe vault. He was never being cleared, even if I met someone new, he would never be replaced. His memories were too far etched into me to ever be erased.

Eating an ice-cream as I wandered through the winding paths, I approached a large lake. Smiling at the kids standing and feeding the ducks. The little things that make you smile.

I used to love feeding the ducks. Something so small, but so enjoyable. Perching myself on the edge of a bench I just sat and watched while I finished my ice cream. I wish I had some bread myself so I could feed them, but now I know, next time I come I can be more prepared.

I was lost in thought when someone sat next to me. My head slowly turned before my heart hammered in my chest.

It was him.

“I hope you didn’t have too much of a headache this morning.” He smirked as he turned to face me. I felt my heart skip a beat, the breath catching in the back of my throat. Dripping from head to toe in an Armani suit and Louboutin Oxford shoes.