Dazed (Connections, #2.5)(36)

I breathe in a breath that I don’t want to let out. Finally, releasing it, I spill it all. “I saw you with her weeks ago when you drove me to work. Then you disappeared that day. Now I see the two of you auditioning for lead romantic roles opposite each other. Did I leave anything out? Oh, yeah, Kay claims you just up and left Jules without any reason. Did she really even cheat on you?”

Alarm fills his face. “First of all, who the f*ck is Kay?”

“Kay Hudson. Jules’ sister,” I hiss.

His jaw drops, but again silence surrounds us for the longest time. “Kimberly is in California?”

I guess he calls Kay, Kimberly. “Yes, she’s my other half at the magazine.”

He scrubs his head with his fingers and his hair sticks up everywhere. “Kimberly doesn’t have a f*cking clue why we broke up. And, yes, I saw Jules that morning I dropped you off. It was pouring rain and she didn’t have an umbrella so I walked her to the door. She told me she moved to LA, and I don’t even think I said hello. I was shocked she was here. I haven’t seen her since that day, until this afternoon.”

His voice is low and my heart is so full of pain that I don’t say a word in response. I just let him talk. “The day I saw her I drove around LA trying to decide if I should stay. Trying to determine if I could stay with her in the same town. Then I saw you walking out of the office and I had no doubt—I wasn’t going to leave California because of her. I didn’t have to. I felt nothing for her. But I knew I was going to stay because of you.”

“Jagger, I can’t do this. I don’t want to be the rebound girl,” I say in a low, squeaky voice.

“You are not a rebound. I love you,” he says stressing every word.

“But, Jagger, by definition, I am. Don’t you see? Jump out of one serious relationship into another—that’s the definition.”

“Jules and I had a different kind of relationship. It’s not in the least bit comparable to what you and I have.”

“Jagger, come on. We haven’t known each other long enough for you to know that.”

He scrubs his eyes. “You’re wrong. It’s not about the length of time, it’s about the way we feel when we’re together.”

“That makes no sense. You wanted to marry her. You obviously felt something profound for her.”

“Aerie, yes, I loved her, but all I’m trying to say is it was different. I did buy a ring, but I never asked her to marry me. I just couldn’t do it. Something about it didn’t feel right.” He takes a deep breath. “All she ever cared about was herself. It just took me a while to see it. She was going on more and more auditions. She’d become preoccupied with getting the next big role, but I never knew at what cost. She was up for a lead that she really wanted. She flew out here for a few days and when she came back she was a wreck. She didn’t get the part. I had to work late but got to her as soon as I could. When I did, she was a drunken mess. And, f*ck, you want to know what she was upset about?”

I shake my head. His gray eyes are stormy and the pain on his face is excruciating. “That she’d let the director f*ck her and didn’t get the part.

“I was done the minute she told me, but she wouldn’t let it end that easy. She pleaded forgiveness for what she called a momentary indiscretion. When I looked into her eyes that night all I saw was how selfish she really was. She had betrayed me and there was no taking that back.”

My heart aches for him but despite that I now know for sure what I am—I’m the rebound girl, and I have to get out. “Jagger, we’re over. I can’t do this.”

He rises to his feet. His jaw, his entire body, even his stance tightens. “Are you sure that’s what you want, Aerie?”

I nod, unable to talk.

“I haven’t been seeing her. Fuck, I told you I didn’t know she would even be there.”

I stand up and put my hands on his chest. I can feel his heart beating. Willing the tears to stay tucked away, I take a deep breath and know I have to let him go. “I’ll never be sure about us anymore, I don’t even think you can be sure, and I can’t live with that.”

His body tenses even more beneath my fingertips. His eyes start to swirl—stormy gray again as he stares at me maybe waiting for me to take it back, but I can’t. It’s true. It’s how I feel.

There’s a deep sadness flowing in waves between the two of us. Then, he turns and walks up the steps without another word leaving me feeling numb and alone. I finally let the tears I’ve been holding back fall like rain. And as the flickering of his orange shoelaces slapping against the floor begins to fade away, I’m left standing there staring at his disappearing image through the glass.





Chapter 10


Echo

“You know what they say about staring through the glass.” I keep hearing his voice, deep and sexy. I fluff my pillow and drop my head to it for the hundredth time. Inhaling deeply, I try to catch a whiff of him on my sheets. Even as exhaustion overtook me, sleep wouldn’t come, and daylight arrived way too soon.

As the sun rises, I lie beneath my silk coverlet and close my eyes. Not wanting to start another day, I make myself sit up . . . I have to make myself do this. I have to continue my life as it was before I met him. But everywhere I look, he’s there. I hear his voice, smell the lavender scent of his skin, taste the lime he always added to his drinks. I can see him coming out of the shower—his dark hair wet, his body damp, his arms strong enough to lift me onto the counter in one swoop.