Dazed (Connections, #2.5)(35)

“Aerie, let me explain!”

I blinked at him, unable to speak.

“She’s in the band. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and it just happened. I didn’t mean it to. I love you.”

I stared at him. I wanted to say it was okay. I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter because I loved him, but I couldn’t. Something happened to me in that moment. Something shielded me from the pain that threatened to tear me apart. Whatever it was, it formed a nice hard shell around my heart so that it could never be broken again.

“Are you sick?” Kay asks, bringing me back to reality.

I shield my hand from the sun as I glance up at her. “You know I’m not sure. I really think I just need to go home.”

She frowns. “Of course. Let’s go. They didn’t kiss anyway.”

We’re both quiet on the drive back to work. I close my eyes and lean against the cool window and try not to think. Before I know it, we’re at the office. I step inside to tell Shelly I’m taking the rest of the day off, but stop to approve photos for next month’s issue.

By the time I get in my car, I’m completely worn out. I drive home and try not to think about how I let the same thing happen to me all over again. My last conversation with Levi comes to mind and I can’t stop my tears from spilling.

“Hey, honey, talk to me. I love you,” he said. He’d never called me honey and I knew he didn’t love me.

I backed away with my hands out. My spine straightened and I bite out ugly words that weren’t me. “I just wanted to say goodbye. Thanks for the fun, but my boyfriend is waiting for me back home.” I didn’t have a boyfriend, but he didn’t know that because he’d never asked.

“Cold. But, yeah, it was fun,” he called as he turned and headed back to his house. But not before his final words stung me like venom. “Hey,” he said. “Thanks for hooking me up with your uncle, my parents forbade me to talk to him. They said it would seem like I was using him. But they never said I couldn’t use you.”

His words rang in my ears as I ran as fast I could down the beach. I ran for miles, until I hated the sand beneath my feet. I collapsed and when I finally stood up, sand clung to every pore of my body. I hated the beach. I hated Levi. I even hated my uncle. I left that summer with nothing but hatred in my heart.

God, I thought I was harder now, more mistrusting than that na?ve girl—I’d worked on developing those qualities. But somehow Jagger had broken down my defenses within minutes of our first meeting. Was I still so na?ve? He fed me a line about not falling in, and that was just what I had done—fallen hard, fallen fast. How had I let that happen? I was a woman in control—I am Aerie Daniels of Sound Music Magazine, not Alice in f*cking Wonderland, for God’s sake.





Chapter 9


Dark Side

The birds sing all around me while the sunlight filters through the large trees that surround my stone patio. As I rock in my comfortable padded chair, I sip my tea and stare at the wooded hills that lead to trails I have only walked with him. I’ve done so many things with Jagger I’d never done before.

I’m trying to ignore the tears leaking from my eyes as I move back and forth. My insatiable appetite for Jagger Kennedy has blurred my judgment, but not any longer. I can’t go on like this. I’m sure he’ll be here shortly, and once he arrives, I’ll be mature and break things off in a respectable way. I want to seem unbreakable, like the girl I’ve been so many times who broke up with her boyfriend because he just wasn’t right for her. But this time I’m anything but—my heart has already been shredded into a million tiny pieces.

“Hey, I’ve been calling you all afternoon.” His voice is warm, velvety, and smooth.

I take a slow, calm breath as I lean my head toward him and away from the sun. “Can you sit down?”

He’s standing in the doorway. “What’s wrong?

“We need to talk.” I can’t believe how calm I’m being.

“Why haven’t you answered your phone?” He places his arms on either side of my chair and leans forward.

I allow this last bit of closeness. One last sniff of his delicious scent that now seems marred by her scent. “Jagger, please sit down.”

He tips my chin. “I don’t want to sit down. I want to know what is going on.”

I want to turn my cheek and let his fingers skim my face, but I pull away. “I saw the two of you together today.”

He brings my gaze back to his. “Who are you talking about?”

“Jules. I saw you and Jules.” Her name burns my throat.

“That’s why I was calling you, to tell you Brett had called me at the last minute. Wait, how did you know I was there?” Panic flashes across his face, I see it clear as day.

I straighten my stance. My heart feels like it’s trying to break out of my chest. “Jagger, let’s not drag this out. You got what you wanted. You were amazing today. I’m sure you’ll get the role.”

He finally sits down. Stunned into silence, he just stares at me. “What are you talking about?”

I gesture between us. “You and I, this farce you’ve been playing all the while seeing her.”

“Aerie,” he says tightly. “What the hell is going on? How can you think that?”