Blade of Secrets (Bladesmith #1)(66)

“Stop coddling me,” I snap. Then, “No, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. It’s just so big. And—”

Kellyn steers his horse in front of me so I’m forced to look at him. He eyes my face carefully before asking, “What are you afraid of?”

“Don’t act all surprised. You’ve seen me at my worst before.” So embarrassing. The way he witnessed my fit in the woods.

“I’m just wondering what’s causing it. I want to understand.”

Why? “It’s the people. I don’t want to be surrounded by so many.”

He quirks his head to the side. “They’re not going to hurt you.”

“If it was a rational fear that I could just explain away to myself, believe me, I would have done it by now. This isn’t something I can control. It’s nothing you can fix. It’s just something I live with.”

Kellyn opens his mouth, but Temra interrupts him. “I have a fear of spiders. I know most of them aren’t poisonous. I know most of them don’t even bite. I know I’m way bigger than they are. Doesn’t matter. I see a spider and I lose it. We all have something like that. Don’t you give Ziva a hard time because you don’t understand hers.”

Again, I think the mercenary tries to defend himself, when Petrik says, “I don’t like being alone in the dark.”

Kellyn snaps his head in the scholar’s direction. “Because monsters might come after you?”

Petrik ignores him. “One time I was in the library all alone, and someone blew out the candles, not knowing I was still reading. I had to feel my way to the exit.” Petrik takes a deep breath, trying to dispel the thought.

Then we all look to Kellyn expectantly.

“What? I don’t have any irrational fears.”

“Liar,” Temra says. “Everybody has one.”

“Well, I don’t.”

Petrik turns to me. “I think someone has an irrational fear of being vulnerable.” He almost sings the last word.

Kellyn narrows his eyes. “I do not.”

“Oh, he definitely does,” Temra agrees.

I can’t help it, I’m grinning like an idiot. I needed these people on this journey. I couldn’t have done it without them. Was there a higher power who knew that? Were the Sisters involved? Or was it fate?

I don’t feel any better about the city in general, but just knowing these three are with me gives me strength.

I turn my horse around.



* * *



No one tries to talk to us or welcome us into the city. People go about their business and keep to themselves. A young gentleman walks two dogs on a lead. An older woman carries bags of groceries toward her home, and no one offers to help her.

I like it.

Until I notice children begging for money in the streets. Temra breaks away from us for a moment to buy them all a meal from one of the vendors.

With a bigger city also comes more poverty and garbage. The streets are filthy, covered in human refuse and rotting food and muddied scraps of parchment.

“Oh, not that way,” Kellyn says, steering us to the right fork in the road instead of the left.

“Why?” Petrik asks. “What’s down there?”

“Less reputable businesses.”

“You mean, like a den of prostitutes?” Temra asks.

“Among other things.”

Temra stands in her stirrups and glances down the other road, as though that will help her catch a glimpse of something.

“Stop that.” I grab her arm and yank her back down in the saddle.

“What? I’m just curious!”

“If you thought the street urchins were sad, you don’t want to see the gaunt faces of those who work down there. Trust me,” Kellyn says.

“How come you’ve been down that street?” I ask skeptically.

“I took a job once for a man I didn’t know was seedy until I’d already agreed to the work. Thankfully, all I had to do was escort a delivery. Then I got out of there.”

Just a part of me wonders if he’s telling the truth. What if instead he frequents one of the brothels? Or maybe he specializes in seedy deals?

But I quickly shake the thought away. That’s not Kellyn.

I freeze, my hands tightening on the reins, and the obedient horse comes to a full stop.

Not Kellyn?

Since when do I think that I know Kellyn?

I make a clicking noise to signal the horse back into motion before anyone notices I stopped, my thoughts still troubling me.

Temra and I don’t know exactly where we’re headed, but Kellyn has a place for us to find rooms for the night. Tonight we get a real bed. That thought encourages me to press on through the throngs of people.

“Is it just me,” Temra asks a few minutes later, “or are we being followed?”

Kellyn does a casual glance behind himself while Petrik blatantly begins to turn. Temra grabs him by the shirt to stop him. I glance out of the corner of my eye and definitely note that we’ve attracted a few stares.

Normally, I catch that sort of thing right away, so aware am I of all the people around me, but I was distracted by my own thoughts.

“You’re right,” Kellyn says. “There are figures watching us from the alleyways.”