Big Chicas Don't Cry(76)

“That bad, huh?”

He just sighed and began eating. I tried again.

“Everything okay?”

Esteban finally looked at me. “Everything is fine.”

Of course I didn’t believe him. I decided I’d let him decompress for a bit and started eating. We ate in silence for several minutes. I knew he was probably going to disappear into his office for the rest of the night, so I figured now was as good a time as any to nail down some possible dates for our first counseling session.

I took a huge gulp of my wine first. “So, did you get a chance to talk to Carla today and go over your calendar? I want to call the marriage counselor by Friday. Her sessions fill up pretty quickly.”

He stabbed a piece of lasagna with his fork and shoved it into his mouth. “I had pretrial motions all morning and meetings all afternoon. This is the first time I’m eating today, so no, I didn’t have time to go over my calendar.”

Annoyance bubbled on the edge of my nerves like the mozzarella on the top of the lasagna. “God, sorry for asking. Why are you so irritated?”

Esteban finished off the last of his wine and poured himself some more. “I’m tired, Marisol. I don’t want to have another fight with you.”

I didn’t want to fight either. I picked up my plate and glass and took them to the kitchen. I went back and picked up the lasagna dish.

“Did you try a new sauce?” he said before I turned to leave again.

“For the lasagna? No, it’s the same sauce I always make.”

“It tastes different,” he said and pushed away his plate.

“Well, it’s not.”

He finally looked up at me. “Can’t I be right about anything anymore?”

That was it.

I dropped the lasagna dish back onto the table. “What is going on with you tonight, Esteban? Por favor. Just tell me.”

“I’m not going to counseling.”

Of all the things I had expected him to say, that was not it. “What? You said you would.”

He shrugged. “That was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before I had time to think about things and I decided that if you’re the one who isn’t happy, then you’re the one that needs help. I’m fine.”

Fuming, I clenched my fists at my sides as if they could contain the screams I wanted to hurl at him. “You promised me. You told me you wanted to save this marriage.”

“If you think you need counseling in order to stay married to me, then that’s your issue. I’m working my ass off to give you everything you need or want. I’m doing my part.”

I couldn’t even look at him, so I focused on the lasagna dish. I’d lied to him earlier when I’d said it wasn’t different. I had tried a new recipe, and I knew it was fucking delicious. But Esteban didn’t like it only because it wasn’t what he was used to. It wasn’t what he wanted.

And that was the problem right there. He was never going to change. Deep down, I knew that. But I still needed to make sure.

“If you don’t agree to come with me to at least one counseling session, then I don’t think I can stay in this marriage anymore.”

Esteban stood up, met my eyes briefly, and then walked out of the dining room.

He didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the night.

And that was his answer.





Chapter Forty-Five


GRACIE


For the third time that day, I forced my eyes to stay open as I worked on my lesson plan for tomorrow.

My students had been gone for less than ten minutes, and I was already needing a nap. It didn’t matter that I was sitting at my desk in the classroom. These days I could fall asleep anytime and anywhere.

Pregnancy had turned me into my dad.

It hadn’t really been an issue when I was still on summer break. The heat was the perfect excuse to escape to my bedroom to rest. No one questioned why I’d doze off in the middle of watching TV on the couch because they were doing it too. It was harder now that I was back at school. It had only been ten days, and I’d never been so tired in all my life. And it was getting harder to hide that. My family and my coworkers had no idea I was so tired because I had a baby growing inside me.

Selena was still the only other person who knew what a doctor had confirmed a few days ago: I was about six weeks pregnant.

I still couldn’t believe it. Normally, I would’ve asked God to help me accept it, but guilt wouldn’t let me. Besides, what was done was done. And maybe it was denial, maybe it was because I was just a big old coward. But I wasn’t ready to tell anyone else—not even Tony.

Or maybe I was just being selfish.

Even though we still weren’t officially a couple, we were still doing everything we had been doing, and I didn’t want that to change. I liked how things were between us. We saw each other every day at school, but tried not to make it obvious that we were also seeing each other at night. It was better that way for so many reasons. Not just because the gossip would be a distraction. Deep down I knew it was because Tony was still hoping he’d get the job in Texas. Selena, however, kept insisting that maybe telling Tony about the baby would bring us closer and make him want to stay in Inland Valley.

I knew better.

Another yawn escaped, and I shook my head in an effort to stop daydreaming and start focusing.