Big Chicas Don't Cry(79)

I didn’t have a response for that, so I unlocked my front door and let us both inside.

“I don’t have any food,” I said after dropping my keys and bag on my dining room table.

“I’m not hungry. I ate an energy bar while I was waiting for you.”

That made me smile. Nathan hated energy bars. He also could eat every hour of every day. The man was always hungry—and not just for food.

X-rated thoughts ran through my mind, but I willed them to go away and take the ache between my legs with them. Nathan wasn’t here for sex. He was here to convince me to move to New York.

I plopped on my couch and kicked off my shoes. “Let me guess—you want to know if I decided to take the job,” I asked after he sat down next to me.

“I figured you haven’t; otherwise you would’ve texted. But I haven’t heard from you at all, Selena. And I wanted to know why.”

“Because I don’t have an answer yet.”

“And that’s the only reason you could have for talking to me? I thought we meant more to each other than some job,” he said.

Guilt made me want to run to my room so I wouldn’t have to have this conversation. It was true. I had been avoiding Nathan for this exact reason. Moving to New York was such a huge life-changing decision, and I couldn’t risk making that decision for the wrong reasons. That meant New York and Nathan couldn’t be connected in any way. I never wanted to be the type of woman who moved just to be with a man because I never wanted a man to have that kind of influence over me ever again. So, if I broke things off with Nathan, then I could trust that I was choosing New York for the right reasons.

“We did,” I finally answered.

He flinched. “Did?”

“I’m sorry. But I have so much thinking to do, and I can’t let anything or anyone be a distraction right now. I need to make sure that I’m doing what’s right for my career.”

“So, what are you saying? We’re done?”

My throat tightened with such emotion that I honestly felt like I was choking. Tears I hadn’t even expected showed up, threatening to spill and ruin my already cracking composure. I knew this moment was going to be hard. I didn’t know it would hurt this bad.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said. “I know you don’t deserve this. You’ve been nothing short of amazing to me. God, Nathan, I owe you so much.”

He put his hand up. “Stop. Just stop talking to me like I’m some pal or coworker. You and I both know that we were close to having something real together. But, for some reason, you still can’t let me in. I’ve been patient, and I’ve tried to prove to you that I’m not going to hurt you, Selena. But, honestly, I’m tired of getting my hand slapped every time I try to make you see that we could be something great.”

The tears were back, and this time I didn’t care if they fell. “I’m sorry,” I said again.

Nathan stood up and looked down at me. I didn’t dare meet his eyes, though. “I’m sorry too. I really do hope you accept the job. Let me know either way by next week.”

In the end, I didn’t get my bath or mindless TV. I spent the night bawling my eyes out right there on the couch. Then, when I couldn’t cry anymore, I called Erica.

“911,” I said.

“What kind of emergency?” she replied. “Are we putting our hair up and taking off our hoop earrings, or is it something that can be cured with a tub of ice cream and Baileys?”

I let out a long sigh. “Somewhere in between.”

“Phase 10?”

“Phase 10.”





Chapter Forty-Eight


MARI


He’d moved into the spare bedroom on the first floor. He was gone before I woke up and home by the time I was asleep. Of course, I was never asleep. And now that he was basically living downstairs, I hadn’t baked in days.

Letty was a mess as well. I caught her crying a few times, and then I’d cry and apologize for breaking up our family. I assured her that I would always be in her life.

Funny thing about losing the people you love—it makes you want to hold on to the ones you still have. So I’d made the decision to fix my relationship with my cousins, and I promised myself that I’d make the effort to spend more time with my grandparents.

And I was considering going to see my dad. I needed to finally get the truth.

It probably wasn’t the best idea to do all this emotional reflecting when I also somehow needed to build a new life.

The doorbell rang, interrupting my thoughts. Had Letty forgotten her key and the garage remote? She’d gone to the dry cleaner’s to pick up Esteban’s suits. Or perhaps it was a salesman?

When I opened the door, though, it wasn’t Letty or a stranger.

It was my mother-in-law, and she was holding a suitcase.

“What are you doing here?” she said as she pushed past me.

“I live here, Blanca. What are you doing here?”

I closed the door and followed her to the spare bedroom, the one she usually slept in but that was now being occupied by her son. A fact she quickly realized once she opened the door.

“I’m here to help Esteban, of course. I see you already kicked him out of his bedroom.”

She put her suitcase on the bed and finally turned around to face me.