Big Chicas Don't Cry(74)

“You’re wrong, Mari.” This time it was Selena who was yelling. “All your dad ever did was love you, and when you didn’t love him back, it broke him. I saw it. Everyone saw it. He would’ve done anything for you. But you didn’t let him.”

Mari laughed, but it wasn’t the kind of laugh that warmed you. In fact, it sent a shiver down my back.

“Well, maybe that’s the picture he painted. I’m not surprised. He’s always been a good liar. Promising me that things wouldn’t change after the divorce—guess what? They did. He promised me that he would always take care of me—guess what? He didn’t. Instead, he drank away those promises and left me and my mom to fend for ourselves. He didn’t love me, Selena. You don’t abandon people that you love.”

“You did.”

I didn’t even recognize my own voice. It was high and wobbly as my throat tightened with emotion. And although my hand never left my side, Mari looked like I had slapped her. “Whatever you think your father did or didn’t do had nothing to do with the rest of the family. Fine, you hated your dad, but what about me, or Gracie and Selena or Abuela or Welita? What did we do?”

“You’re right. I should’ve visited Welita more. I will always regret that I didn’t. She, along with Abuela and Abuelo, have always been there for me. That’s why I’m here.”

Mari’s voice broke a little, and she looked away. When she gained her composure, she looked back at me and shrugged. “So now you know the whole ugly story.”

“No, she doesn’t. And neither do you.”

We were all startled to see Tía Espy behind us.

“Excuse me?” Mari asked with a sneer. I could feel the hate in her words. Her tone was cold and bitter. Undeterred, Espy took a step forward.

“I said that wasn’t the real story. Mari, your father never abandoned you. That was just the lie your mother told you so you would never know what really happened,” she said. “This whole time, you’ve been angry at the wrong parent.”

“What are you even talking about?” she said, placing her hands on her bony hips.

“You need to talk to your dad. It’s his story to tell.”

“Whatever. I’m so tired of everyone in this family making excuses for everyone else. Maybe I didn’t pick up the phone as much as I should’ve. But my phone didn’t ring either.”

She turned to leave, and Gracie reached out to grab her wrist. “Please don’t leave like this, Mari. Let’s talk. Please. Welita wouldn’t want us to be like this on today of all days.”

“I know, Gracie. That’s why I’m leaving.”





Chapter Forty-Three


SELENA


I was never good at keeping secrets. Maybe it was because I always wanted to be the one to break news—and it didn’t matter if it was my news to break. But my sister’s pregnancy was a secret I swore that I would keep until she was ready to tell Tony and my parents. It was a promise I couldn’t break.

I had to admit that it was hard, especially when I talked to Erica on the phone. Maybe it was her reporter’s instinct, but she could tell something was up. I told her that I was just stressed out about work and still very confused about everything Mari had said after Welita’s funeral. She didn’t buy it and kept pressing me and pressing me.

Finally, just to get her to shut up, I told her about the job in New York and how I’d told Nathan to withdraw my name from the list of candidates. It came out of nowhere, and I actually surprised myself when I said it. Even more surprising was Erica’s reaction.

“You should’ve taken it,” she said matter-of-factly as we ate lunch at our favorite sushi place on the west side. We were both still on bereavement leave from our jobs, and I’d suggested we get out of Inland Valley for a few hours. Gracie had feigned more flu symptoms and stayed home. She wouldn’t have been able to stomach all the smells anyway. Plus she didn’t trust herself with Erica and her nose for news. Gracie hated lying, especially to people’s faces. I, however, had no issue with it if it meant giving my sister time to deal with her situation on her own terms. Little did I know, though, that lying to Erica about Gracie would open up a whole can of worms about me.

“It’s a once-in-a-lifetime gig, Selena,” she told me. “And it’s not like you love the crap you’re doing now—or the people you’re doing it for. I’ll never understand why you turned it down.”

I popped a California roll in my mouth and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s just such a big step.” That was true. Moving to New York would mean overhauling my entire life. I didn’t know anyone in New York except for Nathan. Which meant it would be too easy to revolve everything I did around him. I couldn’t risk that. Not again.

Erica just shook her head. “That’s the point,” she explained. “It’s a step toward bigger and better things.”

“I just couldn’t leave the family; I couldn’t leave Gracie, especially now.” I kicked myself under the table for letting that last part slip. I waited for a reaction from Erica, but the comment seemed to go over her head. She just went on and on about how she’d always wanted to go to New York, and if I lived there, then she could stay with me. She talked about the museums, the Broadway shows, and the pizza.