Big Chicas Don't Cry(73)

“What’s that supposed to mean?” This time she turned to look at me. I noticed that she was skinny. I mean, really skinny—and not in a good way. Her black dress was most likely from a designer label, but it might as well have been a tablecloth, given the way it hung on her. Her boobs looked bigger, but I couldn’t tell if that was because they were fake or because the rest of her was so small. Her dark-brown hair had blonde highlights, and it had grown past her shoulders in soft, wavy curls. Her makeup was immaculate, and so were her white, perfect teeth. She was a far cry from the Mari I had grown up with. Everything about her had changed. The saddest thing was that if we had run into each other somewhere else, away from the context of Welita’s funeral and our grandparents’ house, I probably wouldn’t have recognized her. My cousin had become a stranger to me. And I was kind of pissed off about it.

I took a step closer to her and glared. “What do you think it means, Mari? Listen, just because you made time in your busy schedule to show up for Welita’s funeral doesn’t mean that I’m just going to forget everything and reminisce with you about a stupid lemon tree.”

“Whatever, Erica. I didn’t come here to be attacked,” Marisol huffed and started to walk away.

Tears burned my eyes, and I could feel my body shaking with rage. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I opened my mouth and exploded. “That’s right, Mari, walk away! You’re good at walking away, aren’t you? After all, you’ve been walking away from the family since you were sixteen! Jesus! I can’t believe you turned into such a bitch.”

Mari spun around on her six-inch black heels. “I’m a bitch? Please. The only reason you’re acting like this is because you’re jealous of me—you always have been.”

“Jealous? Really? Wow, you really don’t get it, do you? I couldn’t fucking care less about your perfect life.”

This time Mari walked up to me and looked me straight in the eyes. I had never seen her look so angry. “You don’t know anything, so you better just shut your mouth.”

I didn’t care. I’d waited years to tell her how I felt, and I wasn’t going to wait anymore.

“What don’t I know, Mari? Please, by all means, enlighten me. Because all I see is a spoiled brat who couldn’t handle her parents’ divorce, and when she didn’t get everything she wanted, she punished everyone in this family—including Welita!”

The slap was fast and hard. I should’ve seen it coming, but my eyes were swollen with tears. It burned for a second and then left a throbbing warmth. Mari looked as surprised as me. “Oh my God, Erica, oh my God, I’m sorry, I didn’t . . .” She reached to touch my cheek with her finger, but I pushed her hand away and started to walk.

“Erica! I said I’m sorry. It’s just you said all that stuff, and I was so mad. You have no idea what I’ve been through.” Mari was crying and screaming at me, but I just kept walking. “How do you think it’s been for me? I feel like a stranger in this family.”

This time I stopped and turned around. “What do you expect, Mari? You did this to yourself.”

“Me? So I’m the bad guy for not wanting to be around him after the way he treated me and my mom?”

For a second I didn’t understand who she was talking about. But then I realized she meant her dad.

“What do you mean, Mari?” I asked. “All Tío Ricardo ever did was bend over backward whenever you came to visit. All of us did. And what did we get in return? Pouty looks, crossed arms, and exasperated sighs. But we put up with it because at least you were here. Then one day you weren’t. And I don’t just mean physically. I mean mentally and emotionally. You stopped being part of this family long before you stopped coming to visit.”

Mari’s tears also stopped. “Maybe it was you guys who stopped being my family, and that’s why things changed. Maybe it was because I felt betrayed.”

“Who betrayed you?”

Her hand swept across the air. “All of you. By siding with him, by letting him still be a part of this family even after he stopped being my dad. You’re right. I did walk away. But in a way, you all pushed me.”

“I have no fucking clue what you are saying,” I said. “As usual, you’re being the drama queen and making all kinds of shit up so you get the attention and so I can feel sorry for you. Well, guess what? We’re not kids anymore, and I’m not playing your pathetic games.”

By this time, Selena and Gracie had walked up behind Mari. I wasn’t sure how much they’d heard, but it was enough to put shock on their faces.

“Guys, what’s going on?” Gracie said, on the verge of tears. “Please don’t fight. Please.”

But Mari just stood there, looking at the ground and shaking her head.

“You know what’s pathetic, Erica? A man who chooses alcohol over his own family,” she said. “Even more pathetic is a man who lets his own daughter go hungry and without lights or electricity because he’d rather spend his money on tequila and beer.”

Her words still didn’t make sense. I couldn’t believe she was talking about my tío Ricardo like that. I knew he had been a drinker, but not for once did I believe he had been a bad father. He had one daughter with my tía Espy, and little Araceli was his world. He was always taking her places and buying her things. And it had been the same with Mari. That’s why I’d never understood why she hated him so much after the divorce.