A Lie for a Lie (All In, #1)(52)

His little fists wave in the air, his mouth opening and closing as I bring him to my breast and settle in the glider. I fall back asleep for as long as he feeds on the right breast. He squawks when he’s ready for the other side. I burp him first, then set the left boob free. I’m already leaking, so he splutters when he first latches, the milk coming too fast.

Once the initial gush and rush slows, he settles in, punctuating sucks with happy grunts. I stroke his hair, and he looks up at me, his blue eyes locked on my face. “Oh, sweet boy, what am I going to do? All these months I’ve been wishing I had some help, and now I’m afraid I have to share you.”

He pops off my breast and makes a loud gurgling sound before he latches back on. I fall asleep again for another fifteen minutes before he lets me know he’s done with breakfast and needs his diaper changed.

The wonderful thing about working at the aquarium is that they help subsidize the cost of day care, and there’s one right inside my building. I’m extra quiet as I leave my apartment, not in the mood to deal with Walter yet, mostly because I have no idea what to say to him.

He’s a good friend, and he’s been so supportive since I moved into the building, but the progression from friends to dating hasn’t been natural. I like him, he’s nice and pleasant to be around, but I don’t crave his affection.

RJ, on the other hand . . . I can’t stop thinking about how good it felt to just be held by him. Which is yet another complication. And another reason why he’s right that we need to talk. Maybe he wanted to relive our time together in Alaska when he first ran into me, but now . . . Kody changes everything, for both of us.

I drop Kody off at his day care and head to work. Today is a research day with no interruptions, which I’m grateful for since I don’t have the energy required to deal with the general public.

I head to the lab and find Eden already set up at her computer. Like me, part of her job is to research and help manage the animals, so we often work together. She pushes a take-out cup in my direction and gives me a raised eyebrow. “Can I be optimistic and assume that the bags under your eyes are because you and the hockey hottie spent the night getting biblical with each other?”

“You’re welcome to be optimistic, even if it also makes you very wrong.”

“Uh-oh. What happened?”

I drop down in the chair beside her. “He wants to be involved in Kody’s life.”

Eden pushes her glasses up her nose. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s just . . . what if he wants partial custody? He has bags of money. He can hire a nanny, have someone take care of everything for him if he wants to, and what do I have? This job and a tiny apartment. I’m just . . . scared.”

“But isn’t he, like, still way into you? And you’ve been pining for him for the past year. I mean, you named your son Kodiak, Lainey. I think that pretty much tells everyone where you’re at with this guy.”

“But that was before I knew he was a professional hockey player. You should’ve seen it last night at the coffee shop. There was a swarm of people waiting to take pictures with him and get his autograph. And the women were the worst! It didn’t matter if they were teenagers or grandmothers, they practically dry humped him!”

“Can you blame them, though?”

I give her an exasperated look. “How am I supposed to deal with that? He used to be this huge playboy, and I’m sure women are constantly throwing themselves at him. It’s nothing like I thought it would be, and now I’m connected to him for the rest of my life because of Kody. I just wanted a normal life.”

“You had a normal life, Lainey. It was making you miserable.”

“Being homeschooled and getting my degrees by correspondence isn’t normal.”

“What is normal these days? I know this is hard, but he’s going to be part of your life no matter what. You know what I think the real issue is?”

“What?” I mutter into my coffee.

“It’s not that he’s a hockey player—it’s not the lie, which I think you can probably get over. I think it has more to do with being afraid that he’s going to come swooping in and try to take care of you, and you’re going to equate that with losing your independence again.”

“That’s not—”

“True? Are you sure about that, Lainey? We drove across the country when you were seven months pregnant because your parents were smothering you. I’m going to go ahead and say you’re really not keen on anyone trying to take over your life like they tend to.”

“It was pretty extreme, wasn’t it?”

“We can always blame the hormones.”

“And now what do I blame?”

“Hormones and protective mothering instinct. And fear of having your heart broken, because let’s face it, Lainey, even though he didn’t mean to, that’s exactly what he did the first time.”





CHAPTER 19





WOO THE BABY MAMA


Rook

Leaving Lainey’s apartment last night wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. First and foremost, my experience with babies has been limited to my nephew and my teammates’ kids. Sure, I’m good with them. I can make them giggle and smile, but the second they start to cry, I pass them back to their mother and I’m on my way.