A Lie for a Lie (All In, #1)(51)

My mind is spinning in a million different directions. “I can help. I’ll help. I know we’ll need the paternity test, but we can have that done right away, and I’ll talk to my agent, and we can figure out exactly how to manage this. My schedule is about to get really busy, but when I’m not traveling for away games, I’ll be here to do this with you. I’ll take care of both of you. I’ll get a nursery set up in my house.”

“No!” Lainey growls in a tone I’ve never heard before.

A hot feeling creeps up my spine. One I’m not sure what to do with. I may not be prepared to be a parent, but if he’s my son, damn right I’m going to do what I can to support and raise him. “I’m his father. I’m responsible for him, just like you are. I take care of what’s mine.”

Lainey moves to stand in front of the crib, protective and possessive. “We don’t need to be taken care of. We’ve made it this far on our own, and I don’t need you coming back into my life and turning it upside down. You’ve already done that once—I won’t let you do it again!”

I open my mouth to argue, but I’m cut off by a shrill, angry cry.





CHAPTER 18





MINE


Lainey

I scoop Kody up and cradle him to my chest. My heart is pounding; anxiety makes my mouth dry and my hands sweaty. “Shhh.” I bounce him gently and pat his bottom while he continues to wail.

“You need to leave,” I tell RJ.

“Come on, Lainey. You can’t keep me out of his life.” I can both see and hear his panic.

It’s echoed in me, likely for very different reasons. “And you can’t come barreling back into mine and think you can take over. That’s not how this works.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not trying to take over. I just want to be part of his life and yours, if you’ll let me.”

The screaming ratchets up a couple more notches, and I worry I won’t be able to get him to settle—and then it’ll be another night of too little sleep. “Can’t you see you’re making us both upset? Please, just go.”

“We need to talk about this. You can’t tell me I’m a father, let me see my son once, and then ask me to walk away.”

He’s right, but I also don’t know how to deal with everything that’s been thrown at me since RJ came slamming back into my universe. He has fame and money—lots of money. Enough that he could fight for Kody. Anxious tears slide down my cheeks, and Kody’s cries get even louder. “Please, you’re only making it worse.” I turn my back on him and shush Kody, whispering brokenly that it’s going to be okay. “Mommy’s right here. I’m right here, shhhh. I’m not going anywhere.” I take deep breaths, willing myself to calm down, to find some perspective.

I should be glad he wants to be part of Kody’s life, but all I have is fear—because I’m struggling in this tiny apartment, and he has a huge house and all kinds of resources that I don’t. I don’t really know him, and he doesn’t know me. We only have six weeks in a bubble, which is nothing like real life. Especially not one filled with diapers and baby vomit and sleepless nights.

Kody’s cries quiet down, and he bumps his nose along my collarbone. I stroke his silky black hair as he hiccups and whimpers. I turn to face RJ, but he’s gone.



At midnight I wake up in Kody’s room. I’m sitting in the glider, one boob hanging out, Kody nestled in my arms. I slowly, carefully adjust my hold on him. My arms have fallen asleep, so I have to wait several minutes before I can transfer him back to the crib.

I tuck his blankets around him, make sure his teddy bear is close, and tiptoe out of the room. I breathe a sigh of relief when he doesn’t wake up. I use the bathroom, pour myself a glass of water, and make sure all the lights are turned off before I head for my bedroom. I pause and root around in my purse for my phone. I could hear it buzzing from Kody’s room when I was feeding him—and apparently fell asleep.

I touch the screen and see I have messages from Eden, Walter, and of course RJ. Eden’s message came through at nine, asking for an update on how things went with the daddy-and-son meet and greet. Walter wants to talk, and RJ . . . well, he’s sent a slew of messages, all of them asking if we’re okay, if Kody has stopped crying, if I have, if I’m ignoring him, and to please, for the love of God, answer this message before he goes insane. That one was sent less than ten minutes ago.

I start and stop composing a message about twenty times. I’m in the middle of typing that we’re both fine and that Kody is asleep when another message pops up from RJ.

RJ: I’ve been watching the little dots for 15 min. RU ok?

Lainey: Yes. Kody is asleep.

RJ: I didn’t mean to upset you.

I stare at the message for a minute before I finally compose a response.

Lainey: I’m just overwhelmed.

RJ: Me too, but we’ll figure it out.

I don’t know how to interpret that, so I end the conversation with good night.



Setting an alarm has become a pointless practice, since Kody wakes up every morning at five fifteen to let me know he’s hungry.

I roll out of bed, more exhausted than I was yesterday, if that’s even possible, and stumble down the hall to his room. “Morning, little man. I have breakfast right here for you.” I already have my boob out and ready to go.