A Lie for a Lie (All In, #1)(48)

“That’s the thing, though, Lainey. I wasn’t pretending to be someone else. Yes, I lied about my job, but everything else was me—you got the real me.”

“But did I really? Because what I saw back there, isn’t that the real you? Is that what happens to you whenever you go somewhere and people recognize you?”

“I just wanted someone to see me, authentically see me, and I felt like you did. I never felt more like myself than I did when I was with you.”

I consider that—and how, for those weeks I was with him, I’d felt like the best version of myself. He made me feel safe and special and important. “I have to tell you something.” I clutch my tea, trying to find the resolve to spit the words out. I can’t decide anymore if I want him to still be the man I spent those weeks with or the lying jerk who recently dropped back into my life. Both are complicated for very different reasons.

“Okay. I’m listening.”

I shift, turning toward him, knowing I need to see his reaction when I tell him this, because for better or worse, it will change everything.

“I have a son.”





CHAPTER 17





DO THE MATH


Rook

“I—what?” I don’t know what I expected her to say—maybe something along the lines of I’m still in love with you. Or I missed you, or I used to be a fucking circus clown, but I have a son was definitely not on my list of possibilities.

“His name is Kody, with a K.” She sets her tea down and pulls her phone out of her pocket. Her hands shake as she keys in the pass code. “He was born on April fourth, about ten days earlier than expected. The pregnancy was good—I was very healthy, and I had a wonderful doctor and lots of support. Although my family was not happy about it, there was really nothing they could do.” She’s still looking down at her phone as she continues to talk, like she just wants to get it all out. “It took me a couple of months to realize I was pregnant when I came home. I’d thought I was lovesick, but then I missed my period two months in a row, and I went to see a doctor, and well . . .” She cradles the phone to her chest. “He’s four months old now.”

I suddenly feel like I’m choking. It’s also like being hit with the most extreme case of déjà vu in the universe. It’s like Sissy part two—except worse, because I spent six weeks with Lainey, screwing on every available surface. We’d used protection. Well, except that once. And it was only for a stroke—one delicious, amazingly memorable stroke. But she got her period the next day, so everything was fine. And it lasted all of three days, so it didn’t slow us down much, if at all. I’m so shocked, and frankly really freaked out, that the first words out of my mouth are “You’re fucking with me, right?”

A little kid runs by, followed by his mother, who shoots me a dirty look. I mutter, “Sorry,” and turn back to Lainey, lowering my voice. “Is this your idea of a joke? If that Walter guy is actually your boyfriend—or, worse, your damn husband—then the last place you should be is with me.” She’s not wearing a ring, and if that baby is four months old, then she—what, moved right the hell on the day I left?

Lainey looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Kody is yours.”

“How is that even possible? We used condoms every single damn time.” I have to fight to keep my voice down.

“Yes.” She nods in agreement. “Except—”

I railroad right over her. “So how the fuck can it be mine, unless you fished a used condom out of a wastebasket and turkey basted yourself?”

She raises a hand right in my face. “Okay, that is just . . . absolutely disgusting and appalling. It’s also disturbing that you could come up with something so ludicrous without even having to think about it.”

She has a point. Also, it’s something I could see Sissy doing, because she was a certifiable lunatic. And now the woman I thought might be my soul mate is clearly one as well. I should take a vow of celibacy. “What other explanation do you have? Unless I magically inseminated you from across the country,” I snap.

Lainey’s lips thin into a line, and she pins me with a look that makes me feel about two feet tall—which is pretty impressive, considering my mother is the only person who has the power to do that.

“Because we used protection every time except the last time.”

I shake my head. “That’s not—” I filter through the foggy memories from that morning. The phone call that came at 3:00 a.m., my brother’s panic, setting up my flight to LA, and throwing all my stuff in my duffel and starting the truck.

Only when I was ready to leave did I go back upstairs and do the thing I desperately didn’t want to: say goodbye to Lainey. I remember how frantic we were when we realized we’d reached the end sooner than we’d meant to, how intense the sex had been, how it ended far too soon . . . because I hadn’t even thought about a condom.

“But it was only that one time.” I scrub a hand over my face.

“That’s really all it takes. I was fertile, and you’re apparently virile.” Her tone is matter-of-fact, but her voice shakes with anger. “I tried to contact you as soon as I realized. I called every alpaca farm in New York but couldn’t track you down. I even called the cabin, but of course no one ever answered. I had no other way to get in touch with you. Well, I guess if I’d bothered watching anything other than Netflix and documentaries, I might have figured it out.” Lainey grips her phone tightly in her hands, lips pursed as if she’s waiting for another accusation.