Why Not Tonight (Happily Inc. #3)(82)

He realized the room had gone totally silent. Everyone was staring at him. His brothers looked shocked, Natalie was in obvious pain and they all appeared to expect him to say something.

“No,” he said, more to himself than them. “Just no.”

He stormed out of the studio and got in his truck. There was only one place he could go and that was home. Halfway up the mountain he realized he didn’t want to be alone, but where else was there? He couldn’t go back to town and hang with his brothers. Natalie was totally off-limits. He’d hurt her enough already.

Without wanting to, he remembered what it had been like when he was a kid. How his father would casually backhand whichever of them was closest. They’d all learned to duck and weave until Del had gotten big enough to hit back. After that, Del had stood between his brothers and his father. When Del wasn’t around, Aidan took over, then Nick. By the time he and Mathias had been about sixteen, Ceallach had stopped trying to slap them around, but he’d worked his darkness in other ways.

He’d belittled them, had destroyed their work, mocked their abilities and generally made their lives hell. He’d dismissed his two older sons for not having any artistic ability and had convinced Mathias, the most gifted of them all, that he was worthless. Nick had stopped working with glass altogether, preferring to be a bartender than having anything to do with their father’s world.

There had been so much pain, so much regret, so much hiding and defending and not wanting to be like him.

He reached his house and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. He missed Natalie so much he wondered if he could keep breathing without her. He knew she trusted him completely, that she believed she would be fine and that he would never do anything bad. But she was wrong—her current pain was proof of that. And even if she wasn’t, her belief in him wasn’t enough. He had to believe in himself and he couldn’t.

*

“HEY.”

Natalie looked up from the paperwork on her desk, paperwork she couldn’t see because her eyes were filled with tears.

Nick stood in the doorway. “I just wanted to check on you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

She tried to smile and failed. Nick pulled her to her feet, then wrapped his strong arms around her.

“Damn,” he said gently. “That was about the bravest thing I ever saw.”

She gave in to the tears she’d been holding back. “You th-think?”

“I know. He’s an idiot. Want me to beat him up for you, because I will. I’ll need to take Mathias with me, but between the two of us, I’m pretty sure we can give him a black eye and maybe crack a bone or two.”

She cried harder, not only because she knew she’d lost Ronan but because of deeper, sadder pain. As Nick held her and tried to make her feel better, she realized that Ronan wasn’t the only Mitchell brother to gain a place in her heart. She’d fallen in love with all of them. Nick and Mathias, Pallas and Carol. Loving Ronan wasn’t just about him; it was about his family. Once again, she’d allowed herself to belong and to believe that she could be a part of something bigger than herself. Yes, they would still be her friends, but that wasn’t the same. She wanted them as her family.

“I w-wish it could have been different,” she whispered.

“Me, too.”

“I’m crying on your shirt.”

“Pallas is having a baby in a few months. I’m pretty sure after that a few tears are going to seem downright sanitary.”

She tried to laugh, but her throat was too tight. “Don’t be mad, but I hoped we’d be a family,” she admitted.

He touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. “We are,” he told her. “No matter what, we’ll be here for you. I’ve got your back and so does everyone else you know, Natalie. You’re not alone.”

“Thank you.” She knew in her head he was right—it was her heart that was going to take some convincing.

He studied her for a second. “You know what, kid? I have an idea about how to fix all this. I should have thought of it before.”

“Don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. You can’t shame Ronan into loving me. I wouldn’t want that.”

He kissed the top of her head. “No shame, I promise. Just trust me. It’s a really good plan.”

Natalie wanted to believe him, but she couldn’t. She’d run out of faith—at least for the moment.

*

RONAN’S WEEK ONLY went downhill. He missed Natalie more than he would have thought possible. Sure, he saw her at the gallery, because he couldn’t seem to stay home, where he wouldn’t see her. Every morning he told himself to just stay put and he would be fine and within the hour he was driving down the mountain.

He wasn’t sure why he bothered. He wasn’t working, couldn’t work. He couldn’t sleep or do anything but think about her and what she’d said. She was possibly the bravest person he’d ever met.

He knew what he wanted. Plain and simple, he wanted her. All of her—heart and soul. He wanted to be with her, love her, spend the rest of his life with her. He needed her, ached for her, dreamed about her the few hours that he slept. So he existed in a hellish world where he saw her, heard her voice and yet wasn’t with her.