Why Not Tonight (Happily Inc. #3)(81)

“Some of his pieces are more to be appreciated rather than admired,” she continued. “But love it or hate it, his work inspires emotion.”

“If you say so.”

“You know I’m right.”

Ronan put down his wine. “Why are you doing this, Natalie? What’s the point?”

“If he wasn’t who he is, you wouldn’t be who you are. You get your ability to create from him. Can you imagine who you would be without that?”

“No.”

“So there is a plus side to having him as your dad.”

He looked at her. “And?”

She put the computer on the coffee table and faced him. “Like all of us, you’re the sum of your parts. I never knew my dad, but my mom loved him. I guess what I have inside that I didn’t see in my mom comes from him. I have no idea what kind of man he was, but I trust her and I trust who I am.”

“It’s different,” he told her. “The parent you knew was a wonderful person who loved you and nurtured you. It’s not the same for me.”

“It’s true that you don’t know who your biological mother is, but I disagree about it changing who you are inside. You are good and funny and smart and gifted and an amazing man.” She took his hands in hers. “I’ve fallen in love with you, Ronan. I’ve been so afraid to risk my heart. I lost my mom. Then I lost Quentin and, more importantly, his family. I was afraid to believe.” She smiled. “Until I met you. I love you and I wanted you to know.”

She tried to keep her voice light and hopeful but it was difficult as she watched his expression tighten and all emotion fade from his eyes.

“You’re all I’ve been looking for,” she went on. “I didn’t know it, but you are. I understand if you’re not ready or you don’t feel the same, but I needed to tell you. It seemed the right thing to do.”

At least, it had in the safety of her bedroom. Now, facing him, she was less sure about anything.

He stood up abruptly and glared at her. “Why did you have to do this? Why did you have to change everything? This isn’t going to work. What are you thinking? Look at you. You’re light and whole and happy. You think I want to be responsible for destroying that? Look at what I did to your canvas. I destroyed it.”

She stood. “You didn’t. It turned out even better.”

“You were lucky. I could have ruined it. I could ruin you. Do you know how that thought terrifies me? I could destroy you.”

“No. I’m stronger than that, Ronan. I always have been.”

“Do you know what’s inside of me?” he asked, his voice low and filled with fury. “Do you? Because I sure as hell don’t. I have him and that’s all. All the selfish, narcissistic evil in that man is in me. Every single day I think about that. When will I become him? When will I start hitting my kids and destroying their creations? When will I cheat on my wife and become an asshole? It’s just a matter of time.”

“You’re not him,” she protested. “You never have been. The fact that you worry about it proves the point. If you were like him, you wouldn’t care.”

He stared at her. “I won’t risk it. Not with you. Never with you.”

She reached for him, but he’d already pulled back too far. Her fingers grasped only air, and before she could stop him, he was gone.





CHAPTER TWENTY

RONAN WANTED TO throw the cooled piece of glass against the wall, but knew that would make too much of a statement. Instead he dropped it into the large trash bin in the corner and tried to find satisfaction in the sound of it shattering into a thousand pieces.

He’d already sent his interns home. In the past two days he hadn’t made any progress. Everything he touched was a disaster. He couldn’t think, couldn’t sleep, and he wanted to run so far the gnawing ache in his gut couldn’t find him.

He ripped off his goggles as he tried to decide what to do. Working from home hadn’t helped. He’d tried that only to end up here. Maybe if he ate something, or got drunk, but neither sounded appealing.

Damn it all to hell, what had she been thinking? Showing him pictures of his father’s work, then telling him she loved him. Who did that? What was her point? Reminding him who his father was didn’t exactly get him in the mood. Ceallach was everything he didn’t want to be. Why couldn’t she understand that?

And how could she love him? He was a moody SOB who was barely holding it together. He was a bad risk—she had to know that. He lived in fear that he would hurt her. Things had been difficult enough before, but now that she wanted him to know she loved him, it was so much worse.

Mathias glanced across the studio. “What has your panties in a bunch? You’ve had something up your ass for a couple of days now.”

Ronan ignored him and the mixed metaphor. Unfortunately Natalie chose that moment to walk into the studio. Ronan wasn’t sure she’d heard the exchange until she said, “That would be my fault.”

All three brothers looked at her. Nick and Mathias were both curious, while Ronan was filled with dread. She wouldn’t... She couldn’t possibly...

“He’s dealing with the fact that I told him I’m in love with him and he has no idea what to say back.”

Her courage knocked the wind out of him. Her voice was strong and the only evidence of what she’d been going through was in the slight puffiness around her eyes. Because she’d been crying? He didn’t want to think that, didn’t want to know if she’d been hurt. He never wanted to hurt her. She was everything to him, only he couldn’t—