When the Heart Falls(171)

He cups my face in his hands and presses his mouth to mine, spreading my lips with his tongue as our breath joins together. The kiss is so intimate, so passionate. It’s the taking in of his essence, as he takes in mine. The exchange of breath, of life. I forget where we are for a moment and want to give myself to him, but the song ends and is followed by loud hip hop that spoils the mood.

The orange juice has worked its way through my body, and I holler over the music. “I need to use the restroom!”

“Okay! I’ll check on Jenifer.”

I love that he thinks about my best friend, that he cares about other people so much.

I don’t remember the bathroom at all from our last night here, but I don't expect it to be so run down. There's graffiti on the walls. Torn up posters of old rock bands. The light flickers off and on. All the stalls are empty, so I pick the least disgusting one and do my business. At least I’m not peeing in a hole in the ground, and there’s actually toilet paper, so it’s an improvement.

While I’m washing my hands, with my back to the door, the music from the club explodes into the bathroom. Someone’s coming in.

My spine tingles, but I ignore it and dry my hands.

"You miss me, babe?"

I whip around at the sound of the voice from my nightmares and face Rodney, who locks the door behind him. He’s got a bandage under one eye and over his nose. Cade did a number on him, and I’m glad. The f*cker deserved it.

He walks toward me, his legs unsteady, eyes dilated from alcohol and who knows what else. His words are slurred. "Nothing? Not even an 'I'm glad to see you're okay?'” He pauses as if expecting me to answer.

My mind is spinning, nerves on edge as I weigh my options.

He leans in. “Alright. How about a kiss?"

My words are firm this time, no quivering victim. "No. You're drunk."

He sneers. "You think I don't f*cking know that? It's the only thing that keeps the pain away." He’s inches from me. I can smell the alcohol and his putrid breath.

I keep my breathing level, looking for a way to diffuse the situation. "I'm sorry you're in pain."

"Sorry? Really?" He slams a hand against the mirror behind me. "You f*cking told him."

I’m shaking, scared, but no longer paralyzed by him. "People need to know what you are."

"I think you need a reminder." He slides his hand up my neck.

"So do you." I knee him in the balls, pushing him out of the way and then run toward the door.

But I’m not fast enough, especially in heels. He grabs my hair and pulls me back to him. "You like it rough. Alright. I'll give you rough."

I resist, fighting him. My scalp aches, but he doesn’t let go of my hair until he shoves my head into the tile floor.

I lose vision for a moment, everything going black, my head pounding with pain, the world spinning. But I fight it, fight the dizziness threatening to knock me out. If I give in, if I pass out, he’ll kill me. I can see it in his eyes. I scream at the top of my lungs, hoping someone will hear over the blaring music.

He covers my mouth with his hand. "I know your boyfriend’s out there.” He uses his body to pin me to the floor, and I feel sick, like I’m going to vomit or pass out. Tears leak out my eyes, my breathing is fast and shallow. Think, think, Winter. My left arm is free enough to grab my purse. I bite down on his hand tasting blood and his sour sweat.

He screams and pulls back, and I flip over and pull out my phone, fumbling with the buttons. He flips me back over, eyes blaring with hate. "I can't wait for him to find you here, laying on the floor with your legs spread open, your panties ripped off. Like a dirty whore. You just can't say no to a good f*ck, can you?"

I try to yell, but his hand muffles me.

"No. You like this, this loss of control. How long's it been, since I last took you? Hmm? Too long." He traces his hand up my leg, wraps it around my panties. "You still feel cold. Let's see if the inside feels the same."

He rips my panties off, but he has to move away from me to do it, and I use that moment to knee him again.

He pulls away then, getting back on his feet, holding a bloody hand and grabbing his crotch. "You f*cking bitch!"

I don’t waste a moment. I scream for Cade, for help, for anyone.

"Shut up. Shut up!"

I keep screaming and try to get up, but he pushes me to the ground. I hit my head against the sink and can’t move, can’t get up. My head hurts too much.

Rodney's saying something. What's he saying? I try to focus my ears, to listen to something other than the pounding in my head.

"Why? Why'd you have to tell? It could have been me and you again, like before. We could have made love again. You don't know how much this hurts me, Winter. You don't know how much I hate to do this. I love you, Winter. I love you."

He's holding his face, crying. Does he really believe this? I grip my phone, checking it again. My voice feels like it’s coming from very far away. "You raped me."

"No.” He slams his fist into the wall. “No. You wanted me. I saw how you looked at me. Every day at school, every time our families got together, you teased me with those eyes, those lips, those dirty things you said."

He’s not making sense, but I have to keep him talking. "I never said anything except no. At the winter formal, I said no. And you raped me."