When the Heart Falls(167)

I bow my head, tears dripping onto Cade’s bedspread, hiding my face with my hair. “Now you know. I’m weak. I’m pathetic, and it’s all my fault. I could have told, could have stopped him, but I never did. I… I’ll understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore.” I reach for my necklace with our key. “If you want this back, I wouldn’t blame you. You must hate me now."

“Hate you?” He pulls me into his arms. “Winter, I love you. I could never hate you. But I will destroy Rodney. This isn’t your fault. None of it.” He kisses my tears away and locks eyes with me. “Do you hear me? It’s not your fault. It’s his. And I will never let anything like this happen to you ever again.”

“You don’t hate me? Really?” My heart is aching, desperate to believe him, but my self-loathing is so profound, so deep, that I can’t believe this incredible man still wants me after hearing the truth.

“I love you, Winter.” He holds my key up. “Forever. Remember? And I’m so proud of you for telling me this, for finally breaking the silence and ending the abuse once and for all. He can’t hurt you anymore, okay? He can’t.”

My body shakes with sobs, all the years of secrets, of lies and pain and shame, it all spills out of me as Cade holds me.

When my tears have dried up and the shaking stops, something inside my chest unfurls and opens up to the light. Like my heart sighing in relief, I feel peace and… safe… for the first time since high school.



I reach for Cade, then. Need growing in me at the release of past hurt. I find his mouth. Kiss him. Run my hands over his chest and abs.

He pulls back. “You should rest. You’re hurt.”

“Then be gentle," I say. "But I need you. I want you. I want to know what it feels like to be with the man I love without shame, without secrets, without anything between us. I want to be free.”

He nods, kissing me back, a part of him hardening under my hand.

My body is sore, bruised and tired, but Cade is gentle, as if handling fine china. Every touch is light, caressing, careful.

I wish we could unleash all of our passion, give in to it until we’re lost in each other, but I enjoy this, too. It’s different, slower, a heart connection more than blind passion.

We maintain eye contact, making love with our hearts, our minds, as much as our bodies, seeing into one another's souls.

I’m safe. Loved. Cherished.

And when we cross that chasm of bliss together, the pleasure isn’t an explosion as much as an opening up, like a flower blooming. I feel alive, in every pore of my skin, every inch of my muscles.

And then, like a deep, soulful sigh, my body rests with his.





CADE SAVAGE





CHAPTER 40





RAGE LAYS QUIET in my soul as I hold Winter and wait for her breathing to fall into its sleeping rhythm. Then I wait some more. After all she’s been through, I don’t want her to wake up alone. Not ever. I can’t make this right, it will never be right, but I can make him pay. It won’t be enough, even death wouldn’t be enough, but I will make him feel some of the pain he inflicted on this beautiful woman in my arms.

I can’t imagine the horror, the fear she’s lived through for so long. It’s a miracle she even functions, that she had the courage to go to college, to leave the country and pursue her dreams. She still laughs, still brings joy to everyone around here, still gives of herself to others. I can’t fathom how she remained intact through this. She’s stronger than she knows, and I’m more in love with her than I ever thought possible. I would do anything to keep her safe.

When I’m sure she’s deeply asleep, I extricate my limbs from hers. Just in case she does wake up, I leave a note letting her know I went to get some air and will be back in a few minutes. But I plan to be back before she wakes up and reads it.

I check his dorm room first, but his sleeping roommate informs me he’s not there and slams the door in my face. Better for me, because I’m pretty sure he’s out smoking. More privacy. It’s the middle of the night. Bars have closed, anyone out partying has already crashed, and Rodney is leaning against the tree near our dorm smoking, just as I expected.

There’s no preamble, no chatting. This isn’t a f*cking movie where I spill my guts and tell him everything he already knows before I beat the shit out of him. I just walk up to him and plant my fist into his face.

Blood spurts from his nose. “What the f*ck, man. Are you insane?”

The night sky, cold and heavy, opens up and rain pours down, a sudden onslaught of water that washes the blood away even as more forms. My rage, like a murdered soul, takes possession of my fists, driving them into Rodney's face. The wind carries away his screams as I land another punch, and another.

Lightning fills the sky, turning everything from night to day and then back to night. Thunder roars like an angry god. I can’t stop my fists.

And then the words come, because he has to know that I will kill him. I would kill him now, tonight, for all he’s done to Winter, but I know losing me would hurt her more, and it’s unlikely I’d get away with murder, so for her I refrain, pull back when I want to pummel him until he can’t breathe.

When he falls to the ground crying, I lift him up by his shirt and push him against the tree. “I know what you did to Winter, what you’ve been doing to her for years. She told me everything, and you will pay for your crimes. This is only the beginning, *. Do. Not. Ever. Touch. Her. Again. I will kill you, and I won’t lose a night of sleep over it.”