When the Heart Falls(120)

"For me anyway," she says as she locks our door. "You should totally do someone tonight."

My eyes wander to Cade's door and I wonder if he's there, just a few feet away, and what he'll be doing tonight.



This party is an actual party, rather than a club. It's outdoors, which I wasn't expecting, and I hope it doesn't rain or get too cold since I didn't bring a jacket. Rather than carrying a purse, I slipped my identification, money and lipstick into the small pocket of my dress, grateful that Jenifer picked one with pockets. It makes me look clunky, but I don't care.

It's late when we arrive, and the party is in full swing with dancing, drinking and some couples making out in corners, or right there on the dance floor.

There's even an open bar. "Who invited you to this?" I have to shout into Jenifer's ear to be heard over the music.

"A guy at school. Don't remember his name. I'm getting a drink. Want anything?"

I'm stuck, unsure of how to answer. I'm definitely not drinking alcohol, but can I trust her to keep her word and not spike my drink?

Her face drops when she realizes why I've hesitated. "Never again. I swear, Winter. I'm so sorry."

The regret is clear on her face, and I believe her. "Okay, sure, I'll take a soda."

Normally she'd argue, insist on something with more of a kick to help me loosen up, but this time she just smiles brightly and saunters off to the bar.

She brings back two plastic cups. I take the one with soda and sip it, relieved that it does in fact taste like plain soda, albeit lukewarm. They don't seem to believe in icing drinks in France.

Jenifer drains her cup in one long swig and burps. "Oh my God, I can't believe I just did that in public."

No one else heard, but we both laugh so hard I nearly snort soda up my nose.

She takes deep breaths to stop laughing. "So, we need to find a good one night stand for you and a good boyfriend for me."

Here we go. "Why do I feel like we've switched bodies?"

Jenifer laughs. "Who do you like?" She sweeps her arm in a wide gesture to include all the men at the party, but they are indistinguishable from each other in my eyes.

"No one. I'm not interested." None of the guys stand out or look appealing in any way. As Jenifer points out candidates, I rule out each one. He's too short. That guy is too skinny. Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome is too… something. And then it hits me. Why none of them live up to the standard in my mind. Why each of them are too much of something or not enough of something else.

Because none of them are Cade.

My Cade.

Le sigh.

Flashes of the night I was drugged rush back to me. His strong arms carrying me through the streets of Paris. The feel of his heart beating as my head rested against his chest. The soft press of his lips against my forehead when he thought I was asleep.

Oh shit. I'm falling for the cowboy. It seems obvious now, the way I feel every time he touches me, the inspiration I gain after we're together, but, no, this can't be. He's leaving at the end of summer and I'm staying. We have no future. There's a built in expiration date on our relationship, a guaranteed broken heart at the end of the summer that I can't bear to think about. And then I realize the irony of my situation. I'm falling for a guy I can't have, while trying to write a romance novel that's authentic.

"How about them?" Jenifer points at two guys standing by the band.

"I'm just here for you." My stomach tilts upside down as I face the truth of my feelings.

"Then walk over with me."

"No." I want to go back to the dorms. I want to talk to Cade, but what would I say? There's no possible scenario in which confessing my feelings could lead to anything but pain.

"Come on," she says, pulling me forward. "Don't go all Ice Queen on me, now. I need my wing girl."

I can't talk to Cade about my feelings. Can't go back to the dorms now and dwell on them. Might as well help Jenifer and try not to think about the state of my heart. "Fine. But you're doing all the talking."

Jenifer smiles with glee. "No problem, girl. I just need you to look pretty."

Before we can make a move for them, they start walking toward us.

"Oh, shit. They're coming," Jenifer says. "Smile, Winter, you're not being given a death sentence here."

I force my face into a smile as the men approach and offer us drinks. The tall guy with black hair kisses the back of Jenifer's hand. "I am Duke. This is Luigi. You are American's, no?"

Jenifer nearly swoons, and I stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Yes," she says with a giggle. "We are."

Luigi moves closer to me. "Would you ladies like to dance?"

I'm about to decline, but Jenifer agrees for us both, and I'm ushered to the dance floor. As ridiculous as it is, when Luigi's hand reaches for mine, I feel a twinge of guilt, like I'm cheating on Cade. But Cade and I are just friends, can only ever be just friends. So why not have some fun and let loose?

I try. I really do.

But the cloying scent of Luigi's cologne, combined with his clammy hands pawing my body, make me feel like a trapped animal.

I sneak a peek at Jenifer, who is pressed so closely to Duke they're practically one person, their hands moving over each other's bodies with premature intimacy.