When the Heart Falls(121)

While I'm distracted by my friend, Luigi moves his hands up my waist and brushes against my breasts.

Wow, what? I step back. "I need to use the bathroom. Excuse me."

Luigi moves in on Jenifer and Duke, rubbing against her from behind while Duke takes her front. I want to puke.

The bathroom escape isn't just an excuse to get away; I really do need to pee. I stop at the bar to ask for directions and am pointed to a tent-like structure. My bladder is about to explode as I step in and face what I assume is supposed to pass as a toilet. It's not a toilet, or even a port-a-potty. It's a hole. In the ground. I'm not even making this up. And it smells like shit and piss and body odor.

I cannot pee into a hole, and I'm stone cold sober. How would drunk people manage in here? How would that even work? At this point I'm crossing my legs to keep from peeing all over myself. What other options are there? Even if I could hold it in long enough to get somewhere else, I have no idea where to find another bathroom, and it's becoming increasingly evident that there will be no holding it in.

As I fantasize about ways to kill Jenifer for dragging me here, I pull off my panties and hook them around one wrist while pulling up my dress to my waist. Standing over the hole, precariously balanced with one heeled foot on each side, legs shaking as they try to hold me steady, I close my eyes and pray that I don't end up covered in my own piss.

I've had quite enough bathroom adventures to last a lifetime, thank you very much.

Mid-stream the tent is pulled open as Luigi shoves his head in. "Hey, are you—"

I snap. Totally and completely. My body shakes in rage, and the world around me goes black, save for the smirking face of the * in front of me. "Get the f*ck out of here." With more balance than I knew I had, I pull off one high heel and throw it at him. He dodges the shoe and closes the tent, but I'm not done yet. "Fuck. Do you even know what personal space is?" I gesture to indicate the space.

"Are you gesturing?" he asks. "I can't see you."

"Fuck you. Why don't you go gesture yourself?"

"Whatever. I'm leaving."

"You tried to touch my tits, you pervert. You better leave."

I see his shadow walk away.

"He tried to touch my tits," I scream out to the night. He also watched me pee, but I can't bring myself to even speak that out loud. I want to die.

I'm faced with another dilemma when I'm finished. No toilet paper. Naturally. So I stand there, willing myself to air dry, as anger builds in me. Men are scum. I'm so over them.

Except a small voice in the back of my mind whispers that not all men are scum. Some are kind, polite and gallant. Some go out of their way to help others, are strong and brilliant and amazing. Some, well, one, makes me feel like melting with just a touch, makes me feel safe with just his presence.

When I don't feel so completely disgusting, I pull my panties back on, hop to get my missing shoe, and go off in search of Jenifer.

She's grinding on Duke, their tongues thrust into each other's mouths. If not for their clothes, they'd be screwing on the dance floor.

I walk up to her. "It's time to go home."

Jenifer ignores me and continues her dry humping.

I scream in her ear. "Hey, Jenifer!"

She looks up, eyes unfocused, lipstick smeared around her lips.

"Let's go home." I'm fighting tears now, on the edge of my temper.

"Already?" She turns back to Duke. "But we're having fun."

"Not anymore." I take her hand, but she pulls away.

"I'll come home later."

My face hardens. "You'll come home now."

"Don't go all Ice Queen on me."

Bitch. "I'm not. I'm going Raging Fire of Hate on your ass if you don't leave with me right now."

Jenifer leans over to whisper in my ear. "He's really nice. I won't sleep with him right now. I promise. Just, let me get to know him better."

"You're practically sleeping with him already. What are you getting to know? The inside of his mouth?"

"Why do you have to be so frigid? I'm just having fun," she says. "It's not my fault if you're a prude who can't relax."

Her words cut me, but I ignore it. "Jenifer, you swore."

"I remember."

"Fine, whatever." I'm not her mother. I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. "I'll see you tonight."

"See you tonight." She giggles and starts grinding on Duke again.

I leave without a glance back, disgusted, tired, angry and… and I don't even know what. I hail a cab to get back to my dorm and take such a long, hot shower that the water goes cold.

Once back in my room, I open my laptop and find the scene I was working on before this disastrous night happened. I don't want to think about Jenifer and her stupid choices, about the pee hole, about my newly discovered feelings for Cade… none of it. I just want to feel my characters and help them fall in love.

But the words won't come. I have no inspiration, no emotion to draw from. I'm like a wrung out husk of a human, completely drained.

Night settles around me, the bewitching hour comes and goes and still I have no words. My roommate does not return. At 3 a.m. I give up and curl into bed, the tears finally falling as I cry myself to sleep.