Troubles and Treats (Chocolate Lovers #3)(24)

“Alright, I’ll tell you what. Claire and I are getting ready to close up. We’ll meet you at the Starbucks in town for a coffee in like thirty minutes and see if we notice anyone looking suspicious. Will that make you feel better?” she asks.

“Yes, much better. I’ll see you in thirty.”

I disconnect the call, get out of the car, and run as fast as I can into Target just in case my stalker wants to try and run me down.

~

“Jenny, this is ridiculous. I am not putting this shit on,” Liz complains as she throws the Target bag back into my lap.

We had all managed to pull into the Starbucks parking lot at the exact same time. I had parked next to Liz’s car and motioned for her and Claire to get into mine so they could change into their outfits before we did this thing.

“Shut up and just put them on. You don’t want this lunatic to know we’re on to him, do you?” I ask in irritation as I throw the bag back at Liz.

She turns around to look into the backseat just as Claire pulls off her t-shirt and slides on the black, long-sleeved shirt I bought her at Target.

“Oh my God. Are you seriously changing?” Liz asks her with a dumbfounded look on her face.

Claire’s movements halt in the middle of unbuttoning her jeans so she can change into the black leggings I had also purchased. “What? Black is slimming. Even if there isn’t a stalker, I’ll look good drinking my coffee. Plus, Carter’s been begging to do some role playing. I can creep into the bedroom window later and pretend I’m a cat burglar that suddenly wants to bang the man she’s robbing.”

“Didn’t Carter get second degree burns on his ass last time you two role played?” I question.

“Yeah. Pretending to be a cooking instructor and telling him to hop up on the stove so I could ‘lick his beaters’ wasn’t a good idea. We both forgot the stove was on. I went to the emergency room wearing just an apron for a shirt. Okay, so maybe I won’t sneak in the bedroom window. Someone could get shot.”

Liz is still staring in stunned silence as Claire pulls a black skull cap down over the top of her head.

“You’re sure you saw the SUV driving behind you after you left Target?” Liz asks for the third time since getting in the car.

“Oh no!” I yell.

“No you didn’t see the SUV?” Liz asks in confusion.

“No! I mean yes! I said oh no because the SUV is right there, parked across the street,” I explain frantically as I point out Liz’s window.

Liz and Claire’s heads whip around, and they both stare at the black SUV parked on the corner with no one inside.

“Holy shit. Maybe you are being followed,” Liz mutters.

“Duh!” I yell as I smack her arm.

“Jenny, last year you made me come over in the middle of the night while Drew was at work because you said a colony of spider eggs hatched and your bedroom was so full of spiders you couldn’t even see the floor anymore and you were afraid they would eat Veronica. When I got to your house, there was one spider hanging from its web over your bed,” Liz states. “Forgive me if I tend not to believe you.”

“You can’t blame me for that. Veronica woke me up that night, and when I came back in the room he was just hanging there. Spiders DO NOT work alone. And he was hovering over me, watching me sleep. Who knows what other plans he had in store for me. I bet his friends were just lurking in the corners waiting to pounce on me.”

For several minutes Liz and I argue back and forth about what I like to refer to as “the night I almost got eaten alive by rabid spiders” when Claire suddenly grabs both of our shoulders from the back seat.

“Guys. I think I just saw some guy staring at the car,” she states in a whisper. “Over there behind that bush.”

“Why the f*ck are you whispering? He can’t hear you,” Liz scolds.

“Shut the hell up, crotch rot!”

“Oh you did NOT just call me crotch rot, you twat-faced cum dumpster!”

“OH MY GOD! WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP! There is a man hiding behind a bush watching us!” I yell in frustration.

Liz and Claire give up on their insults to stare at the bush in question and sure enough, a head peaks out for a quick second and then goes right back into hiding.

“Oh it’s ON now!” Liz says excitedly as she starts digging into her Target bag and scrambling into her black outfit.

“Okay, Jenny, you stay here. Claire and I will sneak out of our side of the car and double back around the building so we can creep up on this douchebag,” Liz explains as she pulls her own black skull cap down low on her head. “How are we going to communicate what’s going on though?”

I reach into my own Target bag that rests on my lap and pull out two walkie-talkies.

“I got these at the store too.”

I hand one to Liz and clutch the other one tightly in my hand while I continue digging through the bag. “I’ve also got mace and a taser.”

I hand the taser to Claire and the mace to Liz.

“Since when do they sell tasers at Target?” Claire asks, leaning forward in between mine and Liz’s seats.

“Oh, they don’t. I actually brought that from home. Drew likes it when I use it on his balls.”

“Fuck, Jenny. Overshare,” Liz complains.