Troubles and Treats (Chocolate Lovers #3)(23)

I slid my hands into her wet hair and held on for dear life. There was no way I would push her down further, but I needed to do something with my hands before I started clapping them in front of me like a gay dude at a Barbara Streisand concert.

With one hand clutching my ass, her other hand slipped down my shaft and cupped my balls before she slid her mouth all the way down to the base.

“MISSISSIPPI MUD FUCK!” I yelled, thunking my head against the shower wall.

My excitement motivated Jenny to give it all she was worth. She sucked me in even deeper until yep, I felt the head of my cock touch the back of her throat. It was official. I was in the best porno movie in the history of the world. I now regretted my decision not to bring my cell phone into the shower with me. This was something that should be recorded for all time. After she adjusted her mouth around my shaft, she slid me almost all the way back out and then began a lightning fast rhythm with the whole in-out, in-out. Her small hand tightened around the base of my cock and began pumping me in sync with the glide of her mouth.

“Holy chips and dip, you’re really good at this,” I moaned as I looked down and watched her.

She moaned in answer and the sound vibrated all the way down my cock and through my balls. I started panting like a dog in heat. She moved her hand off of my ass and cupped my balls again, rolling them around in the palm of her hand.

“Goat f*cking f*cker that feels amazing!”

I continued to mutter nonsense as she quickened her pace. Within seconds, months of pent-up sperm erupted from my cock, and I screamed in drunken, mind-numbing pleasure as she swallowed all of my swimmers. “WILLIE NELSON WONDER CATS!”

My body stood completely still, every bone locked into place and my mouth hung open in shock and amazement while Jenny pulled me out of her mouth and kissed the head of my dick like it was a cute little puppy.

The water pouring out of the shower head went cold a while ago and I hadn’t even noticed. Jenny stood up from her knees while I rested motionless against the shower wall, hoping my legs wouldn’t give out.

“That stuff totally worked! I didn’t gag at all! I tested it out earlier with a banana but it was mushy and I think I swallowed some of the skin. It was gross. You weren’t gross at all and you kind of tasted like popcorn.”

“I hope you know that I plan on marrying you some day. So keep your calendar open,” I told her seriously as I turned off the water and we stepped out of the shower to towel ourselves off.

Jenny laughed the cutest little laugh and leaned up on her tip toes to kiss me on the cheek. Now that my excess sperm had vacated the meat whistle, all of the alcohol I consumed this evening started swirling around in my belly and a headache began forming.

“When I start puking tomorrow morning, just let me be. It will most likely start around 9:37. Just let me heave and don’t cook any fish or chocolate pudding while it’s happening. Also, if you find me spooning your coffee table or bar stool in the middle of the night, don’t be afraid. Just wake me up and bring me back to bed. It usually only happens once.”

As we had curled up in her bed, I picked my cell phone up from her nightstand and smiled to myself when I saw that she had indeed changed my Facebook status. Now it had said: I’m totally getting a BJ tonight.





Chapter 10 –Mace, Tasers, and Giant Testicles


“I’m telling you, Liz, someone is following me,” I argue as I put on my blinker at the stop light to turn into Target.

“I think you’re just paranoid,” Liz’s voice states, coming through the speakers of the car. “You haven’t had a good night’s sleep in months and you’re not having sex. I’ve heard that causes hallucinations.”

I roll my eyes as the light turns green and I pull into the parking lot. I check my rear-view mirror every few seconds as I drive up and down the aisle looking for a parking space.

“I’ve been to three places this afternoon and each time there was a black SUV with tinted windows parked a few cars down from me or driving a few cars behind me. Every time I look in the mirror I see that damn car,” I tell her as I finally find a spot. “I have a stalker. I just know it. I know I’ve always said I wish I had a stalker because I thought it would be cool and romantic, but I changed my mind.”

I hear Liz laugh through the speakers as I turn around in my seat and search the parking lot for the SUV.

“If you’re seriously freaked out, why don’t you call Drew?”

“Because, he’ll just race over here and make a testicle of himself,” I mumble as I continue searching the lot.

“He’s already a giant testicle. Don’t you mean spectacle?”

“No, he doesn’t wear glasses. Didn’t I tell you what he did when those Jehovah’s Witnesses came to the door and he thought they were threatening me? I didn’t want to be mean but I couldn’t get them off the damn porch. Drew came around the corner and heard me getting frustrated, pushed me out of the way, flung open the door, and started speaking in thongs,” I explain.

“Tongues. For f*ck’s sake. He started speaking in tongues.”

I huff in irritation. “Whatever. He started screaming all this nonsense with wild, crazy eyes and banging his head like he was at a rock concert. Those poor old people hobbled off the porch and ran to their car. If I call him right now, he’ll start racing around the parking lot, busting old people’s hips and scaring children.”