Torrent of Tears (Scourge Survivor Series Book 3)(74)

“Stupid? How am I stupid? I was trying to be accepting of your sexual relationship with another man.”

“I told you. Highbornes only have intercourse with their mates and then are paired for life. Neither of us wanted long-term. We fooled around, but nothing beyond that.”

I resisted the urge to stomp away. Locked in the darkness, skin touching, with only the sound of our breathing breaking the silence, I reined in my I-am-an-island instincts. “You were stupid because you said it’s none of your business. I’m your wife. If you have questions, you should ask them. I want you to ask them.”

He sighed. “It’s not so much questions as me not wanting to compete with a ghost.”

I shivered, thinking how close he was to the truth. How many times had I thought about telling him about Tham coming to me in my dreams? Whether it was real or not, Rowan would think I was clinging to a lost love and doubt his place in my heart. He wouldn’t understand and I wouldn’t risk hurting him like that.

“Tham was a handsome man,” he said, his breath brushing my cheek. “He was obviously crazy about you. And the way the two of you connected. . .”

Despite the heat of our combined bodies, my shiver grew into a chill. I grabbed his jaw and leaned close. “You aren’t competing with anyone. I’m yours, right? Tham was a huge part of my life the past few months. I’ll miss him forever but there was nothing romantic going on, not in the bedroom and not emotionally either.”

He threw back the sheets and launched off the bed. “Forget I said anything.”

I untangled my foot from the bedding and followed. “No. I want to hear it. This relationship is a first for me. I want to be part of what you’re thinking.”

He scrubbed the back of his neck, the long elegant lines of his body flexing as he moved. “I’m thinking that with the past four years and what you know about me . . . you’ll realize you regret marrying me and move on.”

The air froze in my lungs. “I’m not going anywhere.” Hopefully. My heart sank as I had to amend that. “As long as I have a choice, you’re stuck with me . . . but, if you’re having second thoughts that’s a totally different.”

His stare pegged me with all kinds of WTF. “No. None.”

I nodded, crossing my arms over my bare chest. “Fine then, we’re happily married.”

“Yeah . . . fine.” Turning his back, he strode to the bar and grabbed a glass. Reaching down to the center cabinet he opened the small fridge and grabbed a bottle of juice. When he slammed the thing shut the door next to it swung open.

Shit. Rowan moved to close the door to the camera equipment and froze. His body tensed, the muscles in his shoulders tightening with an unnatural stillness. “Lexi, before you declare your loyalty to this marriage, there’s something you should know . . . that your mother might use to hurt us.”

“I know about the tapes.”

He straightened. “How?”

My mind spun faster than I could think. The truth was ugly. It would make him feel worse about himself. Lying wasn’t really the best answer. Distraction wasn’t going to—

“Answer me, Lexi,” he growled.

My head snapped up at his command and he had the good sense to flush.

“I’m sorry.” He blew a long breath out and when he spoke again, his voice was tense but calmer. “What do you know of the tapes the Queen makes?”

I cursed, deciding to go with the truth. “Zale tried to get under my skin by showing me one of the two of you yesterday afternoon.”

“Bullshit. The Queen hasn’t . . . nothing’s happened since the night we got back from laying Tham to rest in the Earth ring. I swear. I haven’t been with her since you and I—”

I lifted my finger to my cheek and tapped below my eye. “I knew it was an old recording. You didn’t have a shiner. Besides, nothing they do changes how I feel about—”

The beep of a keycard swiping through the hall scanner had Rowan shoving me into the bathroom. “Stay here.”

Stay here? Staring at my tousled, bejeweled reflection I realized those might be the last words my husband ever spoke to me. Was that our goodbye? Would our final moments be us fighting about sex recordings and him being the Queen’s plaything?

The muffle of male voices in the next room had me gripping the door handle. Morning inspection. There were three, I thought, and someone was coming toward the door. Shit. I was naked and supposed to be his sister.

“My sister—”

“Is in the shower. Yeah, I heard you. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

I grabbed a towel and bent at the waist, twisting my hair until the black was covered. The tail of the fabric fell over my shoulder as I tucked the second towel around my body. Elani and I were similar in size and sadly, build. Maybe, if the Fates were busy screwing someone else’s life I might get away with impersonating—

The door bumped me in the ass as the Strati stepped in. I dropped my gaze and assumed a submissive pose.

“Elani,” Rowan choked. “The soldiers are here to reset your collar.”

I shifted my rounded shoulders like Elani did and gave the soldier access. While he opened the clasp to the controls of the collar, I adjusted the tail of my terry turban hiding the pattern of jewels smattering down my neck and collarbone. I didn’t dare breathe. My eyes were locked on the thighs of the soldier. If he saw my purple pupils he’d know who I was.