The Words We Leave Unspoken(69)

Before long, the seconds are ticking by on the television screen with one minute to go. A sudden knock on the door startles me. Who in the world could that be? I peek out the front window but cannot see a car that I recognize on the crowded street. I open the door with the chain still in place and my heart stops when I see Grey’s face. I close the door and pull open the chain before opening the door all the way. Grey steps inside, invading my space just as I hear the countdown in Times Square chiming from the television. Ten, nine, eight, seven... seconds tick by although it feels as if time has stopped completely. I hear fireworks on the television simultaneously with the crackle of fireworks outside, most likely coming from the Space Needle in Seattle Center.

Grey whispers, “Happy New Year, Charley” and then engulfs me in his arms, lifting my feet inches from the floor as his lips crash against mine. My hands go to his hair as I pull him closer, breathing him in, relishing in his familiar scent and the feel of his body pressed against mine. He takes another step inside without letting me go or interrupting our kiss, I hear the door slam closed as “Auld Lange Syne” plays in the background. I pull away when I remember the blonde and her painted lips.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, looking into Grey’s warm eyes.

He shrugs his shoulders, his arms still around me. “I got your text.”

“What about the blonde?”

“What about the tall, Antonio Banderas?”

I smile. Marcus kind of does look like a younger, taller Antonio Banderas.

“You first,” I say.

“Last minute date. It never would have worked out,” he says with a sexy grin, still so close to me I can smell peppermint on his breath.

“Gay,” is all I say in return, staring into his eyes.

“So, where does this leave us?” he asks. His easy tone is underlined with so much more.

I stand on my tippy toes and press my lips back against his as I slip my hands up underneath his shirt, feeling the smooth, cut planes of his back with my fingertips. Grey’s hands are running down the bare skin of my back, where my dress leaves me exposed.

“God, this dress. Are you trying to kill me?” he murmurs against my lips as he walks me backward toward the bedroom. Once we are inside the door to my room, he slips the dress from my shoulders and steps back to watch it fall to my feet, leaving me standing in only a pair of black lace panties. He takes a moment to admire me but I can’t wait another second. I practically lunge at him, kissing his cheek, his neck, as I unbutton his dress shirt. I slip it from his shoulders, down his arms and let it fall to the ground. He undoes his own belt and slacks, letting them fall and then he steps out of them all while I kiss him senseless.

He pushes me back on the bed and crawls over me, kissing his way from my belly to my lips, slowly. That familiar dizzy high comes over me as I anticipate what is going to happen next, but then I find myself with my hand against Grey’s chest, holding him back as my eyes shoot open and look into the depth of his own.

“Grey,” I whisper. All at once, I want him to know what this means to me. That this isn’t like before. I want him to know what I feel for him. I can’t lose him again. But once I’m staring into his eyes, the words get caught in my throat. I am so far out of my element, I’m not sure what to say or do. My heart is thrumming in my chest as his eyes search mine, questioning.

My heart is full of so many words that I long to convey, but they remain unspoken, as if they are trapped inside, locked away with no will to escape. I avert my eyes, feeling on the verge of tears.

Grey gently, sweetly presses his lips to my temple and whispers against my ear, “I know, Charley.” And then he kisses me. And it feels weighted with a promise, loaded with meaning. Grey draws out every touch, every kiss, taking his time and I stare into his eyes as he takes me to new heights and, for the first time ever, I feel like we’re making love, something I have never experienced before. A new high that leaves me so full that I feel like my heart might burst. Such an obvious contrast to the dizzy void, the emptiness I normally crave.

When we are done, Grey pulls me close and tears roll one by one down my cheeks. Overcome with emotion, I lay in Grey’s arms in silence until I feel his breathing even out and his arms grow limp around me. I watch his sleeping face, memorizing every detail, and before I can stop them, the words, “I love you, Grey,” tumble softly from my lips. It surprises me that they come with such ease, but then again, Grey’s asleep. I close my eyes and nestle my head into the crook of his neck, feeling so content in his arms.

A few moments later, just as I’m about to drift off to sleep, I feel Grey tighten his embrace and then he whispers, “I love you too, Charley.” For a moment I think that I imagined it, that he really didn’t hear my words or say his own. But I feel his lips lift into a smile against my temple as he presses his lips there softly.

I wait for the fear to settle in, take its hold and darken the blinding light that is exploding inside me like the fireworks that lit up the sky at midnight.

But all I feel is love.





Epilogue: Five years later





Gwen


The horn of a ferryboat bellows in the distance as I watch it glide across the dark blue waters of Elliott Bay. The sun is high in the clear sky, the rising temperature breeding beads of sweat along my brow. Escaping the heat of the balcony, I step back inside the cool, air-conditioned hotel suite as I raise my phone to my ear just in time to hear Charley’s voice chime, “Leave a message.” The same words I have heard nearly twenty times in the past hour. Where could she be?