The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(90)
“Me?”
He nods slowly. “He had it in his head that when you were there at the flat that day he was f*cked up, that he heard you tell Robbie that you loved him. Cam I mean, he reckons he heard you say that you loved him, but you just hadn’t realised it until then.” Oh, God. I sip my wine and stare down at my glass. “He was convinced if he could just see ya, talk to ya, that you’d come back to him.” He sips his drink. “He was convinced that you’d eventually see sense and come walking through the door.” I remember the conversation clearly. I remember the whole day. I think it was the day that I first realised that I might, quite possibly be in love with two men.
“He didn’t imagine it, Ben. I did say it. I did tell Robbie that I loved Cam.”
He raises his eyebrows again, then frowns. “So why did you leave him? Why’d you go back to Maca?”
I know he’ll never understand this, but we’re being honest here so I give it my best shot at explaining. “Because I couldn’t not be with Sean. I had to be with him, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love Cam. I know it doesn’t make sense, Ben, but that’s all I’ve got, and the thing is, even after all these years, even while I was happily married and in love with my husband, I still loved Cam.”
Benny shakes his head. “Fucking women, I don’t know. I can’t fathom you out. You baffle me, the lot of ya.”
I smile. “You married, Ben?”
He shakes his head. “Not any more. I was for a coupla years. Didn’t work out.”
“That’s a shame.”
He nods. “Yeah, we probably didn’t try hard enough. We were young and stupid, and doing what I do for a living, it weren’t really fair. I was out all hours and she was stuck at home with the baby.” Benny has a child. I had no idea.
“You have kids? I didn’t know.”
He nods. “Just the one. She’s twenty-four now. Her name’s India.” He nods and smiles as he speaks, obviously proud. “She’s just started an internship for some big advertising company in New York.”
“Oh, wow, a clever girl then?”
“Yep, she went to a good school and then on to Oxford.” He pauses for a second and looks at me. “Cam paid for her education. Like I said, George, that’s just the kind of bloke he is.” Wow. Before I get a chance to speak my phone rings. It’s my mum.
“Mother.”
“How are you, Georgia? Can we expect you home today? You’re only just back in the country and I’ve seen nothing of you. Will you be home tonight?” I can’t tell her what’s unfolded here this morning. She will have a meltdown so I bend the truth a little bit.
“I won’t be home tonight, but I’ll be home tomorrow. Cam’s had to go and sort out some business so we’ve not really had a chance to talk too much yet.”
“Oh, George,” she huffs into the phone, “are you sure about all this? Are you ready to start something new?” I chew on my lip as I listen to her.
“I don’t know, Mum. That’s why we need to talk. That’s what we need to sort out.” Again, it’s not entirely the truth, but I’m not sure what my family are going to think about me diving headfirst into a relationship with Cam. I have a feeling it’ll go along the lines of ‘oh, f*ck, here we go again!’. We’re both quiet for a few seconds. “I do love him, Mum. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped.”
“Well then you go for it, Georgia. You grab it and hold onto it. Nobody’s promised tomorrow, George. You of all people have learnt that the hardest way possible, and if you think that being with Cam is right for you, then you bloody well go for it. I just want you to be happy. Happy and safe, George, that’s all I want.” She’s crying as she speaks. I’m crying as I listen.
“I love you, Mum. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through, not just this past year, but you know, all the times I’ve put you through shit. I know it’s not been easy having me as a daughter.” She makes a noise and I think it’s somewhere between a sob and a laugh.
“Georgia, it’s an absolute pleasure and a privilege to be your mum. I’m so very proud of you and how far you’ve come these past few months.” I take a gulp of my wine to try and help swallow down the golf ball that’s wedged in my throat.
“But they’re gonna hate me. You know that right, Mum? The newspapers and the fans, they’re all gonna hate me and Cam being together. They’ll dig up dirt and they’ll print lies.” I think the alcohol, combined with jet lag and the D and M I’ve been having with Benny have sent my head spinning. I feel a little bit out of control and hysterical. I want Cam here. I need him here, but I feel guilty for that. I should be more understanding of Tamara’s situation, but I’m not. I resent her. I’m jealous of her and her pregnancy, and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be that person.
“Fuck them, Georgia.” My mother just swore. I’m stunned into silence. “Fuck the press and the fans and everyone else who feels they have a right to an opinion on your life. It’s nothing to do with anyone but you and Cameron. Like you told us all yesterday, it’s your life. Everyone just needs to take a step back and trust you to make the right choices.” She actually sounds angry and I laugh nervously at her outburst. I take a sip of my wine and spit it everywhere as she continues, “Now you go and enjoy every one of those nine inches he’s got on offer, because if I was in your shoes, I know that I bloody well would.” I wipe my chin and check Benny staring wide-eyed at me.