The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(86)
“She knows we were together for a while. She knows that I was in love with you.”
“Was?” I chew on the inside of my lip as I watch him.
“She knows that I was in love with you. I never told her I’m still in love with you after all these years. I didn’t want the whole world to know that I’m completely f*cked where you’re concerned. I wanted to be left with some dignity.” I can’t help but smile at that.
“What you smiling at, Kitten?” He rakes his teeth over his bottom lip and gestures with his chin as he asks. I don’t actually know what I’m smiling at. I just feel happy and it’s such a nice sensation. It’s like a little ball of warmth in my chest and my belly.
“You, Tiger, I’m smiling at you.”
“And why’s that?”
“Coz you just make me smile,” I say with a shrug.
He’s suddenly serious, “As much as I love seeing you smile, you don’t have to fake it. If you’re having a bad day, just say. I’ve been there. I know how they can just come out of nowhere. Don’t ever hold it inside, Kitten, because I will know.” He nods as he speaks and I nod in reply because I don’t dare attempt to speak. “He was your husband. I’m not…” He struggles for a few seconds. “Just because I said all that shit about being second best, it doesn’t mean you can’t cry about him in front of me. That’s all I’m saying.”
The front door buzzes and I jump.
“I’m not really dressed for this.” I pull his T-shirt down and try to cover myself a bit more. It’s longer than some of the dresses I wear anyway. I would’ve just preferred if it was an actual dress and if I were wearing my own underwear, rather than Cam’s. A bit of makeup would’ve been nice too but anyway. The door buzzer goes again.
“Fucking woman,” he mumbles as he turns around and heads up the hallway. I walk to the kitchen, looking down at my phone. I have missed calls from Ash, Jim, Len and my mum, as well as a number of texts. I open the one from Jim…
TDH!!!
R U FUCKIN’ KIDDIN ME???
YOU NEVER SAID A WORD, U CRAFTY COW.
WE NEED SUM GURL TIME.
SATURDAY NITE
ME U ASH WINE
DON’T MAKE PLANS
N YEAH, I DID SHOUT ALL OF THAT
LUV YA GUTS BIRD
X
I smile down at my phone. I so need some girl time. I have so much I need to tell them, so much going on in my head that I feel like it’s ready to burst.
I look up as Cam walks in and comes around the kitchen island and stands next to me. He leans his large frame against the sink and I lean next to him, side by side.
“Why is she here?” Four words and that whiney voice of hers is already grating on me.
“Because I invited her here. Why are you here, Tamara? Seeing as you weren’t invited.”
“You’ve made me look like a complete fool. What are all my friends going to think? I’m carrying your child, Cameron, and here you are, splashed all over the newspapers with her.”
“What the f*ck has that got to do with your friends? They should all know that we’re not together, unless you’ve been telling them different.”
I watch her intently as I listen to their exchange. She’s aged considerably in the couple of years since I saw her in the restaurant with Cam. My heart speeds at that memory and I push it down while I focus on the here and now. I remember admiring the colour of her hair back then, but now it looks fake, out of a bottle, and not professionally done. I wonder if I’m being a snob. For someone who’s four months pregnant, her face is very thin and drawn, she has a heavy black coat on so I can’t see what the rest of her looks like. Her complexion is surprisingly good for someone who’s had a drug problem. She has that look of someone who’s been well bred, come from money. Perhaps being working class, it’s just something that I notice. I’m really not sure.
I don’t want to make an enemy of this woman. I actually feel sorry for her, so I just remain quietly at Cam’s side.
“My friends are just assuming that you’ll come to your senses and do the right thing by me and your son.” Her eyes are a very wishy-washy blue-grey colour and they are suddenly on me.
“Has Cameron told you we’re expecting a child together, or have you no shame? Your own husband’s only been dead five minutes, and already, here you are, barely dressed, in the home of another man.” Okay, perhaps I do want to make a new enemy; shit, they’re forming a queue today.
“I don’t think what I do or what I wear has anything to do with you,” I say politely. I want to tell her to f*ck right off and mind her own business, but I don’t want to swear and appear inarticulate.
Cam’s arm slides around my hip and he pulls me closer to him, as close as I can actually get. “Tamara, why are you here exactly? Coz I ain’t got a clue what it is you want, darling.”
“You,” she shrieks, “I want you to stop all of this. You know you should be with me. You know we belong together. She had her chance and chose her rock star and left you in pieces. Why would you take her back? Why would you choose to be second best?” She wipes her hand across her nose. “You’ve got her by default. You know that, don’t you? She didn’t want you when he was alive. She left you for him and she’s only with you now because he’s dead. She just doesn’t want to be alone.” I remain silent. I know that we are going to hear this again and again and I have no response. What she’s saying is probably true. If Sean were alive, we would still be together, but he’s not, and Cam and I have found our way back to each other. Whether we’ve got enough between us to make it last, remains to be seen, but we’re going to give it our best shot.