The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(92)
My mum’s words come shouting their way into my head ‘nobody’s promised tomorrow, George’ and I don’t know if it’s those words that have stirred all this up and are making me realise with absolute clarity I’ve wasted far too much of my life feeling guilty, feeling judged, and all I know, right now in this very minute, is that I love Cam and I’m not going to hide it. The press, the newspapers and Sean’s fans can all go and f*ck themselves. I know it’s only been a year, and I know, I know that of all the people I could be with, there’re so many reasons why I shouldn’t be with Cam, but I love him. I love him and I want to be with him. I don’t want to wait. I want to rush in, dive in, crash land head first.
I’ve lived the rest of my life at a million miles an hour, growing up way too fast, doing things I really shouldn’t have been doing at far too young an age, but I did them regardless. And somehow, by the skin of my teeth, I’ve survived everything life’s thrown at me. Well, I’m a grown woman now and this is what I want and I’m not planning on letting anyone stop me. I never would’ve thought my mum of all people would be the one to make me see the light, but she has, ‘grab it with both hands,’ she said, and right now, that’s exactly what I intend to do. I’m sick of feeling like I’m barely hanging on. I’m sick of guilt clawing at my insides. I love Sean. I’ll always love Sean, but I also love Cam and I’m no longer going to try and justify it to anyone, least of all to myself.
“How?” he asks quietly. I look up from my lap and my eyes meet his. He looks so sad and I’m not sure if it’s me or himself he’s feeling sorry for. “How can you give me a baby? Not that it matters. I don’t care. You’re all I want. You’re enough for me. I just want to know how you think you—”
“I have eggs,” I interrupt him. He frowns, deeply, then rakes his hand through his hair.
“What?” Confusion is written all over his face.
“I have eggs. They’ve been frozen. I still have one ovary, and the last time it was checked, it was still working, so I had some fertility treatment earlier in the year. I’ve got eight eggs frozen in a lab somewhere in West London.”
He comes and sits on the bed next to me.
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
I let out a long sigh. “The topic just never came up.” I shake my head. “What does it matter? Why would I need to tell you about my unfertilised eggs that are sitting frozen in a lab? We’ve just found each other again. We’re just trying to reconnect. Fuck, Tiger, I don’t know.” I shake my head some more. “Why’s it never been easy for us d’ya reckon? Why’s there always something that comes between us?” He looks down at my naked body and then down at his own and I watch as his cock twitches. His eyes come up to meet mine.
“There’s nothing between us now, Kitten, nothing at all, and I would really, really, like to be inside you.” I give him a small smile.
“You don’t like me. I’m spoilt and want everything my own way, remember?”
He winks at me. “Don’t mean that I don’t wanna f*ck ya.” He reaches out and squeezes my nipple, just a little too hard, but it’s nice. I enjoy the pain. I’m feeling angry and determined. I don’t want him to make love to me. I want him to f*ck me. “I’m gonna f*ck you till you scream,” he says as he stands up. He yanks my legs hard that I slide down the bed, flat on my back. He pushes my legs apart and drops to his knees. Looking up at me from between them, he says, “But first, Kitten…” He ducks his head down and laps at me with his big wide tongue and I let out a moan, then bite my lip so as not to laugh out loud at the slutty noise I just made. He looks up at me with a cocky smile on his wet lips. “First, I’m gonna make you purr.”
Chapter Twenty-One
I’m lying in Cam’s big bed, wrapped in Cam’s big arms, my back pressed into Cam’s big chest. He consumes me, smothers me and I’m feeling more at peace than I have in a long, long time. He strokes the tips of his fingers up and down the middle of my belly, causing goose bumps to rush across my skin in little waves. His left hand is draped over me and cupping my right boob, and as my body reacts to his gentle strokes, my nipple hardens against his palm. He must notice and strums it with his index finger. I feel his cock twitch against my bum and I grind back into him fractionally.
“Fuck, I love the way your body reacts to mine. Every time, every touch, Kitten, I f*cking love it,” he sighs the words more than says them, and then kisses the back and side of my neck. My scalp prickles, and if I had a dick, it would’ve been instantly hard in that moment and I can’t help but smile. My cheek is pressed into his shoulder and he must feel the movement. “What you smiling at?” His breath fans across my ear as he speaks and I shudder. His mobile rings, the sound carries to the bedroom from downstairs.
“You getting that?” I ask.
“Na, f*ck ‘em. They’ll manage without me for a bit.” He kisses the top of my head and squeezes me tighter. “So,” he says.
“So what?” I ask.
“These eggs of yours?” My stomach feels like it’s on the helter skelter at Southend Sea Front. Starting from somewhere in my chest, it spirals down and down, around and around until it hits the floor, then bounces back up to my chest and repeats the process.