The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(126)

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

He shrugs. “She reckons the baby’s running a temperature and the nurses don’t seem interested.” My belly sinks. I always knew we would end up with a situation like this one day, and here it is. “Do you want to head over there and check that everything’s okay?” He bites down on the inside of his bottom lip.

“I’ll ring, talk to whoever’s in charge and see what they say. You know what she’s like.”

I nod. “Yeah, a complete psycho bitch cunt.” He raises his eyebrows and opens his mouth to say something, but I point my finger at him. “Don’t even think about telling me not to swear. She makes me swear. If you want me to stop swearing, just don’t ever mention that woman again.” He looks at me, a little defeated, and I feel bad for making him think that I would actually make him choose.

He pulls his phone back out and heads off towards his office to make the call just as the intercom buzzes. I hear Benny’s voice, letting Cam know that he’s here, and Cam tells him to wait five minutes.

Ten minutes later, Cam comes into the kitchen and I know as soon as his eyes meet mine that he’s not coming with me. I try and hide the disappointment from my face and probably fail miserably.

“The doctor says he has a bit of a temperature. Nothing to worry about and he’ll call me if there’s any problems.” His shoulders are slumped and I know he feels torn. “We better go. Ben’s downstairs waiting.” I follow him out to the lift and we travel down to the car in silence and then I can’t hold it in any more.

“Cam, call Scott, ask him to come and get me. You go with Ben and make sure Harry’s doing okay.” Relief washes over his face for a split second, but then he frowns and says, “No, he’s fine. I want to be with you.” I shake my head, step towards him and wrap my arms around his neck.

“I’ll put you on speaker phone once the tests are done and you can come and find me later at Len’s office, once we know the results.” I kiss him gently on the mouth. “Now please, for me, go be with your son.” He sighs and looks around him in frustration.

“If we had both cars here, I would’ve shot over there earlier.”

“Just go, Cam. Honestly, I’ll be fine.”

He shakes his head. “No, you go with Ben. I’ll get Scott to bring the Mas and take me.” He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into his chest. It’s a warm day and I’m wearing a little white summer dress and ballet flats and I feel small next to him. He kisses my neck and says quietly into my ear, “I wish it wasn’t like this, Kitten.” I pull back and look up at him.

“Me too, Tiger, but we’re tough. We’ll get through it.” He kisses me on the mouth, gently at first, but then we get our sexy on and his tongue is in my mouth, his hand starts sliding up my dress.

“Yeah, that’s enough, children. Paps, the general public, Benny and CCTV cameras around,” Benny calls out. I pull away from Cam.

“I need to go. Call me, or I’ll call you.” I kiss him one last time and he stands with his hands in his pockets, looking a little lost as we pull away.

I have a lump in my throat the size of China, so I say nothing as Benny chats about the footballers taking part in the charity match for Sean’s memorial. He must notice my lack of response and says, “I don’t know exactly what you’ve got goin’ on over at your brother’s gaff, George, but Cam obviously wanted to be with ya. He looked like he was really struggling back there.”

Benny knows about the IVF, but he obviously hasn’t realised that we find out the results today. “We find out if Ash or Jimmie are pregnant today,” I tell him. He keeps his eyes on the road and nods his head slowly, then his mouth drops open.

“Ah, the piss on a stick party, gotcha.” He remains silent for a few minutes. “That was a very unselfish thing you did back there then, George. The Georgia I met ten years ago wouldn’t have done that.”

I look across at him. “It was twelve years ago, Ben, and I was only twenty then.”

He nods. “Twenty and a spoilt, selfish princess.”

It’s my turn to nod. “Some might say I still am.” Ronan Keating’s “If Tomorrow Never Comes” starts playing on the radio, and I change the station. That song makes my chest feel tight. I’m pretty good most of the time, but I just can’t face that one this morning. The station I land on is playing ads so I switch it again and land on my husband’s voice, belting out “With You”. My arms suddenly feel like lead weights and I don’t seem to be able to move them and change the station. I know I have tears rolling down my cheeks, but I do nothing to stop them. I turn and look at Benny.

“D’ya think he’s trying to tell me something, Ben?”

He keeps staring straight ahead and says, matter-of-factly, “Only that he’s here with ya, George.”

I nod and let out a sob. “D’ya think he is, Ben?”

“Of course he is, George. He’ll be around whenever you need him to be.” I wipe my nose on the back of my hand in a way that would earn me a slap from Mum and just as Sean’s voice fades away, “Wherever you will go” by The Calling starts playing and Ben turns and winks at me.

“See, when I’m right, I’m right, George.”