The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(130)

“You bribed the nurse?” Oh, for f*ck’s sake.

“No,” he stands up straight, “I just sort of persuaded her.”

“With a new car and some cash to pay off her debts?”

“No,” he replies indignantly, “I got her a better car than she had but it wasn’t new, and I didn’t give her any cash. I paid what she owed on her mortgage straight into her mortgage account.”

“Cam, it’s the same thing. At the end of the day, you bribed her.” He lets out a long sigh.

“This is exactly the reason I didn’t tell you. Considering who your dad is, you’re so straight sometimes, Kitten.”

I shake my head at him. “What if she’d gone to her boss? You could’ve lost custody of Harry? You have to think about that kind of thing now, Cam. You have to be a little bit more responsible.”

His face falls and his mouth hangs open as he struggles for a reply. “I didn’t even think of that.”

“Yeah, well, not thinking is what you seem to do best lately.” He tilts his head slightly while he considers my reply, and then as he usually does when he’s wrong and I’m right, he ignores my comment.

“Anyway, Tamara told her that she had been trying to get pregnant for years. Every time I threw a condom in the bin, she would go into the bathroom and either take it with her or cut the end off, turn it inside out and push it up inside herself. She succeeded once before, but miscarried just a few weeks later.” I’m stunned. I just keep shaking my head, unable to think of anything to say until a thought pops into my head.

“So your spunks not so super then? If it took her all that time to get pregnant.” He rolls his eyes like a teenage girl.

“Kitten, there’s f*ck all wrong with my spunk. She didn’t get pregnant because she’s an anorexic junky. She’d been off the gear for a while when she finally got pregnant with Harry; that’s why it worked.” I was still shaking my head.

“So what happened then, this morning. Did you confront her?”

He shakes his head. “Not yet. I took Harry for a walk to calm myself down and to call you, but then I realised I’d left my phone behind, except I hadn’t, that scheming bitch had taken it and hid it; that’s why I was so late calling you.” He’s quiet for a few seconds. “I need to tell you, I want to go for full custody of Harry.”

“Cam, you can’t take her baby away from her. She loves him. She’d be devastated.” I don’t like the woman and she is a complete psycho, but I would never be so cruel as to take her baby away from her. I know what it’s like to have that and then to have it all taken away.

“When she finds out I know what she did, she’s gonna flip, and I don’t trust her around the baby. They’re talking about letting her out the weekend that we have him here, or maybe even sooner.”

I shrug. “Well, if she’s clean and all her results are coming back clear… I don’t like her, Cam, but you can’t take her baby away from her for no reason, and you can’t keep her locked up.” I can see a nerve twitch in his jaw and I know he’s pissed off with my reply, but unless Harry’s in danger, I can’t justify what he plans to do.

“You just don’t want him living with us.” Wow, did he really just say that?

“D’ya know what? Fuck you. I’ve sat here, listening to all your shit, about your day and you haven’t once asked about mine. You haven’t once asked what happened this morning. Len told you I passed out and yet you haven’t once asked how I am. You don’t give a shit about anything or anyone other than you, her and the baby right now. So I tell ya what, you go to court and get custody of your kid and you go and live wherever the f*ck you like and leave me out of it.”

I slide off the stool and start heading for the door, then I remember that I’ve got no car here.

“Where the f*ck you going?” he shouts after me. I keep walking, but I have nowhere to go and no way of getting there so I turn back around and march up to where he still stands in the kitchen.

“Away from you. Have a little think about what you just said to me. I’ve lost two babies, Cam, two. One before it was the size of a pea and one that was perfect. I bathed him. I dressed him and I held him in my arms, wrapped in a blanket and then I watched as he was put into a coffin lying on his daddy’s chest. Exactly how I’d imagined they would fall asleep together, so don’t you dare, ever, tell me, that I wouldn’t welcome your child into our home. I’ve supported every choice you’ve made where Harry is concerned. Tamara might be the worst kind of human being, but until she proves she’s an unfit mother, I cannot support you in taking her baby away from her.”

His arms are spread wide as he leans on the bench, his head bowed down. The only sound is the hum of the air con and my heavy breathing. He slowly looks up at me.

“I’ve lost a child, too. He was perfect and I buried him with his mum, and I’m so scared, Kitten. I’m so scared that she’ll do something to get back at me, for being with you. I just want my child to be safe.” We stand and stare at each other in silence for a few long minutes before he says, “Come here. I need to breathe you in. Today’s been totally f*cked, all I’ve wanted is to be with you, and now that I am, all we’ve done is fight. I hate fighting with you. Come here, please.” He holds out his hand and I step towards him, but just out of his reach. He gestures with his fingers for me to come closer. I don’t move. “Don’t defy me, Kitten. Just come here and let me love you.”