The Space Between Us(84)
I shrugged my shoulders.
“I decided it would be stupid of me to turn down a friendship. It seems I could use a friend or two,” I said, my eyes flitting over to Reeve, who gave me a smile in return.
“Well, I’m glad you could make it.”
“Thank you for the flowers too. They are beautiful.” I saw his eyes sparkle and I tried to keep the blushing warmth from reaching my face.
“Anytime,” he said calmly.
“I think I’ll go see if your mom needs help with anything,” I said quietly. I turned and let my memory carry me to the kitchen. I walked in and saw Mrs. Carmichael standing at an island in the middle of the kitchen.
“Wow. You remodeled your kitchen. It looks amazing.” Dark granite matched well with the black cabinets. The darkness of the counters and cabinets were contrasted against the beige walls.
“It only took me ten years to convince Adam to let me do it,” she said with a laugh. “It was a pain in the butt. It took two months longer than it was supposed to and I’ll never do it again, but I do love this kitchen,” she said wistfully as she looked around the room.
“Can I help you with anything?” I smiled at her, wanting her to give me something to do to keep me occupied.
“Sure. If you’d like to prepare the salad, everything is out on the counter already. I would just need you to chop and toss.”
“I think I can handle that.” I started chopping up vegetables and placing them in the large bowl placed out on the countertop. We worked in companionable silence for a few minutes before she spoke up.
“Charlie,” I heard the pity in her voice and it made me cringe the way she said my name, saturated with sorrow. “I feel so terrible for everything you’ve been through.” I could tell she stopped what she was doing and turned towards me. I stopped chopping vegetables, but didn’t turn to look at her in return. I didn’t want to see the pity in her eyes. It would only make it hurt more. “I understand why you kept your distance after you and Asher broke up, but I just want you to know that you can still, always, come to me for anything. Adam and I have always thought of you as a daughter. Even though Asher never shared the details involved in your break-up, I understand you wanted your space.”
I heard her voice tremble and my heart clenched in my chest at her distress. I turned to see her frowning, obviously trying very hard not to cry and not doing a very good job. I walked over to her and felt her embrace me. It had been so long since I’d had a mom hug. I relaxed into her chest and felt her running her hand over my hair, trying to soothe me, her maternal instinct kicking in I suppose. After I felt like I had soaked up all of her motherliness, I stepped back and gave her a weak smile.
“I never meant to hurt your feelings by staying away, Roberta. I just couldn’t be around Asher. I hope you understand that.”
“Oh, I do, Sweetie. I do. Adam and I both understand it was a rough situation.” She paused and I could see her debating with herself over something in her mind. “Do you mind if I ask what happened? Asher would never tell us.”
I was at a loss for words for a moment. I didn’t really know how to respond. I hadn’t told anyone besides my own father about the miscarriage and had only just told Asher about losing twins. I wasn’t prepared to tell this woman who I loved for a good majority of my life that I couldn’t hold on to her grandbabies. I don’t think those were words I would ever want to say to her. However, a small part of me believed she deserved to know.
“Roberta, if it’s all the same to you, I think I will let Asher tell you. I’ll make sure he knows I’m ok with it.” Her eyes went from curious to gentle understanding and I knew she would let me off the hook. I hoped she could tell that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the story without a breakdown.
“Of course, Sweetie. I’m just so glad you’re here tonight.” She squeezed my arm like she didn’t want to let go, didn’t want me to slip away. I wanted to exist here just as much as she wanted me to.
Dinner was pleasant and comfortable. I felt at ease with Asher’s family and with Reeve’s as well. I loved watching Reeve parent. It wasn’t something I had ever really witnessed. Growing up together she’d been so impulsive and irrational, and to see her have what seemed to be an untapped reservoir of patience boggled my mind. Her husband was a winner, taking on his share of the parental duties that came with dining with two small children. They worked as a team and seemed to anticipate what the other needed. Together they seemed unstoppable.
I found myself sneaking glances at Asher, wondering what he was thinking when he saw the children being difficult or adorable. Did he wish he had his own? Was he glad he was still childless? His eyes met mine and my mind was put at ease when I saw regret staring back at me. I looked back to his mother and smiled, pretending that I had been paying attention to the conversation.
When dinner was over, I helped Roberta clear the table and I felt a warm hand grip my elbow.
“Charlie,” his smooth and familiar voice was so close to my ear. I could feel the heat from his chest radiating off him. “Will you come outside with me for a little while? I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to you alone yet. I’d like to.”
I turned to look up at him and nodded, words not cooperating with me at that moment. His hand never left my elbow as he led me towards the sliding glass door and out onto the back porch. When his hand finally released me, I felt the sharp sting of cold where he’d touched me and rubbed my hand over it. His touch still caused my heart to speed up, still caused my words to abandon me, still made the swallow-sized butterflies twirl around in my stomach. The fact that he still affected me wasn’t lost on me, but I tried to ignore it, push past it. I didn’t want to think about him, and his hands, or his touch.