The Space Between Us(67)
“May I please speak with Ms. Charlie McBride?”
“This is she,” I said as I pulled my bathrobe over my body.
“Hello Ms. McBride. I am calling on behalf of the estate of Mr. Charles McBride. My name is Phillip Libman. Do you have a moment?”
I was confused by the things he said, words that made me nervous. Why would he represent my father’s “estate”? “Um, I’m free to talk now, yes.”
“Ms. McBride I am sorry to be the one to tell you that your father passed away this afternoon.”
My first instinct was to laugh, so that’s what I did. I chuckled a little. Obviously, he called the wrong number. “No, there’s been a mistake. You must have the wrong person. My father is fine.”
“Ms. McBride, I know this comes as a shock and I feel terrible to tell you over the phone, but your father, Charles McBride, passed away this afternoon from complications of bone cancer.”
“My father didn’t have cancer. You’re mistaken.” Now I was angry. How dare this person call me and tell me my father died. David came to stand beside me, his hand on my shoulder, his eyes worried.
“Charlie, did your father live at 5280 Pine Grove Drive in Willow Falls?”
My heart faltered a little, skipped a beat or two. “Yes.”
“Are you Charlie McBride, born to Charles and Anna McBride?”
“Yes.”
“I’m so sorry. There’s no mistake.”
“He wasn’t even sick,” I whispered as I fell back onto the bench of the vanity.
“Can you come to Willow Falls as soon as possible? We have a lot to discuss with you.”
I handed the phone to David and let him take down all the important information. He walked around, collecting pen and paper, writing things down, saying things to the man on the phone who told me my dad had died today.
If my father had cancer, he would have told me. I spoke to him every Sunday. Why wouldn’t he tell me that he had cancer? I would have dropped everything and gone to Willow Falls. I would have been there for him, taken care of him. A tear fell from my cheek and landed on my hand on my lap. I didn’t even realize I was crying. I looked into the mirror and saw my face, red and wet with tears.
“Baby, are you ok?” David was in front of me, kneeling on the ground.
“Did that man tell you what he told me?” I asked him, trying still to fit all the pieces together.
“He said that your father passed away today,” he answered gently. “He said he had cancer.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Why wouldn’t he tell me he had cancer?” I kept asking the question, but in the back of my mind I knew why he didn’t tell me. I leaned into David and let him comfort me, let him hold me, let him bring me to bed and wrap his arms around me. The entire time I was wishing it were someone else.
“What about your fundraiser?” I was all cries and sniffles and tears.
“Charlie, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” he whispered against my hair.
There was a long silence between us. He stroked my hair and I continued to cry and wail. Eventually I felt like I cried all the tears I had in me. I was wrong, of course, but I was stable for the moment at least.
“I need to go to Willow Falls.” It was difficult to call it home. For the last thirteen years I hadn’t felt like I had a home, really.
“We can book flights tomorrow. I have some vacation time saved up.” My insides froze up at his words. I didn’t know before he’d mentioned coming along, but the last place I wanted David was in Willow Falls. In the five years we’d been together, I never found a reason to bring him there and now wasn’t the time to figure out why.
“You don’t have to take time off from work to come with me. I can go by myself.” He rolled so that he was on top of me, using his hands to brush my hair away from my face.
“I will go anywhere to be with you right now. You can’t tell me to stay home. Your father died. I love you. Of course I’m going with you.”
I didn’t anticipate this was going to be the moment where David realized I was a coward and a fraud. I didn’t anticipate my father dying suddenly and me having to explain to my long-term boyfriend why he couldn’t come home with me. And like the coward I was I smiled at him and nodded my head, let him kiss me on the cheek, and allow him to spoon me as we fell asleep. Well, he fell asleep and I did a good job of pretending to be asleep. Then I crept out of his arms and paced the living room, trying to figure out which lie I’d tell him next to make him stay out of my past.
Chapter Four
Asher
I made sure I was the last one to show up and that the service already started. I made sure I wouldn’t run into her. I opened the door slowly and heard the pastor at the front of the church talking about how important it was to live each day like it were a gift. I found a seat in the very back pew for which I was grateful. I sat and tried to keep my eyes on the man speaking at the front of the room, tried to force myself to grieve, to see the casket and recognize that a man I loved and respected was being laid to rest. But nothing was sinking in because I knew she was in the room.
It has been so long. The last time I saw her I broke her heart. I betrayed her in the worst way. I remembered standing in her room, saying all the wrong things, but not knowing what else to do. I was so afraid, so unbelievably caught off guard, but also so incredibly stupid. I don’t blame her for leaving; I would have left too. She didn’t need to wait around for me to swallow my pride, to tell her that everything I said about our baby was a mistake, that in the end, all I’ll ever think about is how I took the best thing in my world and ruined it.