The Space Between Us(21)
“Hi. What’s wrong? You look really upset.” I pulled the door open all the way and stepped back, silently inviting him to come in.
“Can we go for a walk? Maybe go to the school for a little while?”
I grabbed my keys and closed the door. We made it half way to the school and he hadn’t said a word. I was really beginning to worry.
“Asher, please tell me what’s going on,” I asked softly. He looked over at me and I could see the sadness in his eyes.
“Let’s wait until we get to the school.” I nodded, but reached over and took his hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze. We walked hand in hand the rest of the way and even though I was concerned about whatever was upsetting Asher, I was also fighting butterflies in my stomach knowing this was the first time we held hands since the dance. We were out in public, holding hands, and the idea of what it meant made me feel like I was floating.
We made it to the playground of our elementary school and we sat on swings next to one another. We swayed to and fro in silence. I tried to sit and wait patiently, letting him tell me on his own. Eventually he let out a loud breath so I turned to look at him.
“My parents are sending me away again this summer.”
“What?” All the butterflies which previously had been swarming around my stomach were now replaced with an immediate emptiness that hallowed out my entire being. He dropped my hand, only exaggerating the feeling of loneliness, and stood up to pace in front of the swing set.
“My grandfather needs help again this summer and my parents are making me go. We fought about it all night. There’s nothing I can do.” He looked over at me, his sadness now mirroring my own. “I’m sorry, Bit.”
“Wow. That really sucks.” It wasn’t the best response I could give, but it was honest.
“I know,” he replied. We were both silent for a little while. “What are we going to do?” He finally said.
“What is there to do?” I held my hands up to indicate surrender. “We’ll do what we did last year. Ride it out and have a happy reunion at the end of summer.” He stood in front of me and I put my feet in the bark to stop my swaying motion. His gray eyes were striking as he looked down at me.
“I don’t want to be away from you for that long.” Welcome back, butterflies.
“Asher, everything will be ok. It’s only a couple months. We’d be bored here anyway. How many times can we sit under the bridge or play basketball?”
“I don’t care what we do, Bit. You know that. I just want to spend time with you.” He was really sullen now, and even though I was upset that he was leaving hearing how much he was going to miss me made the situation a little more bearable.
“There’s nothing you or I can do about it. Being angry won’t fix anything. Last year we hardly spoke while you were gone. Maybe this year we can, I don’t know, write letters or something. We don’t have to be totally separated.”
“Just because we didn’t talk doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about you all the time,” he said, flatly, making me laugh.
“When did you get so open with your emotions?” I said between giggles. “You’ve never been this mushy about anything. Ever.” In the last few weeks he’d said more romantic things to me than I’d ever heard him say. I regretted my comment before it was completely out of my mouth, but could do nothing to stop it from being uttered. I saw his face still and his eyes glaze over with what seemed to be a mixture of sadness and frustration. He crossed his arms over his chest. He stared at me for a few minutes and I could see the sadness creep across the features of his face.
“Asher-“
“I think I need to go home,” he said curtly and turned to walk back towards the alley.
“Asher.” I stood up from my swing and followed him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Will you please stop and talk to me?” I talked to his back as he kept walking, not giving me any indication that he was going to let me apologize to his face. “Asher, stop. Let me apologize.” He turned around so quickly that I almost ran into his chest.
“You don’t need to apologize, Charlie.” I cringed at the use of my given name. It felt wrong coming from his mouth. For almost a year I had been almost exclusively Bit. “If you don’t want me to talk about how I feel about you, I won’t. It’s that simple. I thought we were on the same page. I thought that my going away for an entire summer would bother you in some way, but I’m glad we’ve straightened this out.”
“Calm down, please. I’m sorry,” I said, honestly. “This is all new to me too. I’ve never heard you talk like this before. It just caught me off guard. Please don’t be mad.” I very cautiously reached down to where his hand lay at his side. I took just the tips of his fingers in mine, hoping he wouldn’t pull away. When he let me take it, I moved my hand to fully embrace his palm, squeezing it once our hands were fully linked. “We are on the same page, Asher. It does bother me that we’ll be apart for the summer. I’m not going to miss my best friend this summer, I’m going to miss the first boy who ever held my hand, the first boy who ever danced with me. I’m going to miss you.”
I saw him breathe out a sign of relief. He pulled me into him and I welcomed the comfort of his chest pressed against my cheek. His arms around my shoulder felt heavy and perfect.