The Space Between Us(19)
“Good afternoon, Asher.”
“Hi, Sir.”
“Charlie Bear, I am going to head out and get some paperwork done at the office.” His eyes darted back and forth between me and Asher. “You guys gonna be ok here?”
“Yes, Dad,” I said, fighting the urge to roll my eyes, something I knew would get me in more trouble than it was worth.
“Ok. I'll be back for dinner.”
“Bye, Dad.”
“Goodbye, Sir,” Asher said, sounding nervous. I watched as my dad walked away from the door and after a few moments we heard the front door close.
“Since when do you call my dad 'Sir'?”
“Since he started looking at me like a threat,” he said, sounding grumpy again. “Listen, Charlie, can we just have a real conversation? I'm tired of avoiding everything that's going on and I just want it all out in the open.” The idea of being truly honest with him in this moment terrified me.
“Aren't you even a little bit afraid?” I whispered.
“Afraid of what, Charlie?” He asked quietly.
“That everything will change and never be like it used to be? That our friendship will be ruined?”
“By what? Caring for each other? I already care about you and we're still friends.”
“That's all you want? To be friends who care about each other?”
“What I want and what I'll get are two very different things, and I am at least smart enough to know that much. So, no, I don't just want to be friends. But ignoring the things that are happening between us isn't cutting it for me anymore. I just want to talk about it.”
“Ok,” I said, finding my bravery. “So talk.”
“I know I haven't been very subtle in regards to the feelings I have about you, but I haven't ever just talked to you about them either.” He took in a deep breath and I felt my chest expand as I unknowingly did the same. Everything was going to change for us after this, I could tell. “When I first saw you, that very first day in fifth grade, I immediately felt a pull towards you. I'd seen boys pick on girls before, but never had I felt compelled to protect someone as much as I did you.” He ran his hand through his short hair, something I was beginning to associate with his frustration.
“Even though I didn't know your name, I had never met you, and I couldn't fully understand my feelings, I knew you were mine.”
Every synapse in my mind fired all at once. My lungs seized up, my stomach dropped, my fingernails dug into my thighs. I stared at him, watching him work through his feelings as he laid it all out for me. He sat on the bed with a loud sigh.
“I was eleven, Bit, and I had just lost my best friend. It felt natural for us to become close, to hang out all the time and goof off. And I did just think of you as a friend. But even back then I knew that if another boy had tried to befriend you it would have made me angry. Slowly, as time passed, I began to see you as more than just my friend, just the girl down the street. I couldn't help the way my body responded to you. I couldn't control the thoughts I was having. I tried to. I really did. Then we spent the summer apart and for me, everything was different.”
He looked up at me then, and I saw a mixture of happiness and apprehension in his eyes. I wanted him to continue, wanted him to know that I wanted to hear the rest. I scooted over on the bed and took his hand in mine; a move I never thought I would have the courage to execute.
He looked down at our hands and moved his fingers to slide down and fit perfectly in between mine. My hand looked ridiculously small against his, but it also looked wonderful.
“Before I left, the idea of you being here without me drove me crazy. I fought with my parents, trying to get them to let me stay. I used really lame excuses, like wanting to get a summer job or even taking summer classes, when really I just didn't want to leave you. If I wasn't here to fend them off, I knew the boys would start coming around.” I had to laugh because it was ridiculous. Luckily, Asher smiled at my laughter. “Then I left and I swear I thought about you every day, Charlie. I missed you. I missed my best friend, but I also missed the girl who I wanted to spend all my time with. We've always been inseparable and that time away from you was hard.”
“I missed you too,” I said softly. He gave me a small smile.
“Then I came home to a completely different Bit than I left,” he said as he stood up, letting go of my hand. “Something happened to you over the summer. I'm sure if I had been here every day the difference wouldn't have seemed so drastic, but it was like you had changed overnight. And all of a sudden every guy was noticing you.” He paced around my room and all I could do was watch him nervously walk from one end to the other. I had no idea what to say or do.
“When I pushed that guy against the locker, that first day of school, I knew I was in over my head. I am not proud of what I did to him, but in that moment I couldn't control myself. I instantly knew every thought he was having about you in his mind because I was having the same thoughts. I knew how much he wanted you, because I wanted you just as much, if not more. So I decided to just step back a bit. I couldn't go around pounding every guy who looked at you, even though I desperately wanted to. As far as I could tell you weren't interested in any of them, so I tried to stay out of it, tried to reign in my feelings.