The Space Between Us(18)
“Why are you laughing?” I asked, horrified.
She took a few minutes to compose herself, but could only stop laughing long enough to sputter a sentence at me.
“Things have been changing since school started, Charlie.” Her statement shocked me, but made sense at the same time. All year, even as early as the very first day when Asher defended me against the foul-mouthed boy, things were slowly morphing. But what happened tonight seemed like a warped-speed metamorphosis. Everything had been magnified. Illuminated.
“What am I going to do, Reeve?” I sounded just as panicked as I felt.
“What do you mean?”
“I don't know. What's supposed to happen now?” Reeve looked at me like I was crazy.
“Do you like Asher?” She asked that question so effortlessly, so callously, I was almost angry at her for asking such an important question with such little concern.
“Of course I like Asher.” I stated, dumbfounded, confused and a little angry.
“No, I mean, like, do you want him?”
“Want him?” I felt permanent frown lines forming on my forehead and I could feel my pulse pounding in my temple.
“You know, do you want him to kiss you? Hold your hand? Be your boyfriend?”
“Be my boyfriend?” Too much. This was all too much. “I just want to go home.” I heard her exhale, then I heard her heels click on the pavement as she made her way towards me.
“Ok, Charlie. Let's go wait for your dad. But be aware that just because you're running away from this right now doesn't mean it won’t be waiting for you in the morning. I don't think Asher is going to let up any time soon. And honestly, he was really upset when you ran out on him.” That tidbit of information piqued my interest.
“He was upset?”
“Well, yeah. He was worried about you.” That tugged at my heart. I didn't want him to worry about me.
“Could you just go back in there and tell him that I am fine, that I am just going to go home. Tell him I will talk to him later.” Reeve gave me a long and lingering stare.
“Ok, I will go and tell him, but you are going to have to talk to him about all this at some point.”
“Not tonight.” I was exhausted. I watched Reeve walk back towards the building and I stumbled around the corner to head towards where my dad would pick us up. The heels I wore turned out to be a big mistake and my feet were rebelling against them. I leaned up against the wall, waiting for my dad to show up, trying to forget, for just a moment, that things between Asher and I would likely never be the same.
The next afternoon I was in my room doing what I always did when I was upset – I drew. My mother always encouraged my art and it was something we shared up until her death. My mother was a painter, but I enjoyed drawing. At the moment I used charcoal and was fiddling around when I realized I had drawn two hands holding each other. I tried hard not to think about why my mind had gone there, but I knew why. I knew I would have to talk to Asher eventually. I just wasn't sure what I would say.
I didn't have long to think about it though. I heard a soft knock on my door and turned to see him leaning against the door frame. He looked worried and that, in turn, worried me.
“Is everything ok?” I asked immediately concerned.
“I don't know. You tell me.” He said quietly as he walked into my room and sat on my unmade bed. I took a moment to look at him, trying to sort out my thoughts.
“I am sorry I ran out on you last night, Asher. I shouldn't have left like that.”
He looked down at his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” The word was out of my mouth in a nanosecond and I hadn't even contemplated his question. Did he do something wrong? No, not wrong. Thinking back to the night before and how Asher had treated me – holding my hand, dancing with me, matching his suit to my dress in a gentle nod towards possession – and I knew I wouldn't have changed any of it for the world. What I would change, however, is the way it made me feel. “Asher,” I began as I moved to sit next to him. “Last night was so wonderful and I appreciate everything you did for me. But I never expected any of it and it just sort of caught me off guard.”
“How I feel about you caught you off guard?”
“I guess,” I answered. Now I was the one looking down to avoid his gaze.
“Listen, Bit. I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you last night, but the way I feel about you isn't just something that happened yesterday. I thought I was pretty obvious about it for a while now.” He sounded frustrated and the last thing I wanted was for him to get angry. Had his feelings been obvious? Reeve always pointed out whenever Asher did things that seemed more than friendly, and even though I knew deep down that things were changing between us, I always tried to push it aside. I knew other boys didn't ask me out or flirt with me because they would have to answer to Asher.
“I don't know what you want from me, Asher. And I'm afraid that what you want I won't be able to give to you. I'm just scared,” I uttered in a moment of unfiltered honesty.
“Charlie,” Asher said with compassion in his voice. I looked up at him and for a moment just saw the same old Asher I'd known since I was eleven. We were interrupted by my father clearing his voice from the hallway, looking into my room with mild concern. Asher immediately stood up from the bed and stuck his hands in his pockets.