The Redemption(88)

The kids go through our nightly routine until I crawl into bed. My entries haven’t been as regular recently, so I pull my journal out of my nightstand and write:



Dear Cory,

I’ve been working on the tour that starts in five months and closed two deals for Kaz and Derrick. Johnny seems content with the music—writing and recording in his home studio to care about marketing. Tommy’s been working with the tour designers and stadiums. We all seem to be caught up in our own thing, but Dex is lost to us all.

I’m worried.

He sends the boys videos, so they can keep learning. They miss him, but understand that sometimes grownups are busy. They seem satisfied for now with the videos and packages he’s sent them though they ask about him a lot.

I shouldn’t bore you with this stuff. I’m sure you see right through me. You always could. So I’m just going to get this off my chest now.

I still hold onto the notion that time will heal all wounds. My heart wants to believe what my head logically knows is an impossibility. You will never be replaced in my heart. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a little room inside for someone else too.

I know you wouldn’t want me to spend my life alone. Nor I you, but it’s easier said than done, like most things. I’ve been closed off for so many years that I’ve come to realize that I will be alone forever if I continue to live like this. You, my love, will always be a part of me. But now I’m asking you to loosen the reigns around my heart and let me live in love again.



My tears drop down onto the paper, smearing the ink a bit, but I continue writing.



Please don’t hate me, Cory.

I don’t want to lie to you or hide my feelings any longer. Hoping you find contentment in me finding happiness again would be amazing and freeing in so many ways. I’m not sure if that will ever happen, but like Holli always says, Dare to Dream.

So I’m not sure where this leaves us—you and me, Mr. Journal. But I think this might be my last entry. Before I go, I must say this one more time—I Love You, Cory.

Goodbye.





XO





This is not how I planned for us to see each other. I didn’t have any real plans, but this was never a thought until now. I see the gravesite up ahead and the gathering of people circled around. Despite my deep-seeded desire to run away, I walk forward. I go because Dex needs me.

I don’t quite make it to the grave when I spot him off on the other side of a tree sitting down. His sunglasses are on and I’m thinking they might be hiding more than his eyes. He sees me walking across the groomed lawn when I veer toward him, breaking away from the crowd. He doesn’t say anything when I reach him, so I sit down despite that I’m wearing a dress. I decide not to say anything for the moment, not sure that anything I say is wanted. But I do lean my head on his shoulder, selfishly wanting to be close. Dex doesn’t move or say anything until Gage spots us, sending a glare our way. “I’m now the head of an empire I never wanted.”

I lift my head and look at him, seeing behind the dark lenses to the eyes that have cried over the death of his mother and maybe more today. “You only have to be what you want to be.”

He looks my way. “How’d you hear?”

“Tommy. Why didn’t you call me?”

Turning back to watch the last of the cars unload and the mourners joining the funeral, he says, “When we left Diablo, I thought we finally had our chance. I didn’t count on the impact my mom’s illness and the new will, Gage, all of it would put on me.”

“I was there for you.”

“I know you were.” The left side of his mouth goes up quickly before disappearing again. “But I was being buried alive with responsibilities I never asked for. The company is generations old and I own it. All. What do I know about manufacturing?”

“You have a strong team of lawyers and other managers to help you figure this out. It doesn’t have to be the same week your mom passed away.”

I catch his eyes on me again and he doesn’t turn away this time. “I missed you. Do you know that?”

I exhale, my heart starting to beat faster, then say, “I missed you so much.”

“You know, Rochelle, we’ve been through a lot. You’ve been through more. I didn’t want to put you through anything else.”

“That’s why you left?” I ask.

He nods. “One of the reasons.”

“You can put on this big show for everyone else, but I know who you really are, Dex, and you’re not gonna scare me that easily. I didn’t stop caring about you because you stopped calling.”

I see the corners of his mouth go up. “I didn’t stop caring either.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and says, “You’re pretty damn strong, sweetheart.”

“I’m here to share the burden. Just let me in.”

Dex stands and helps me to my feet. “C’mon. The sooner we do this the sooner we can leave.”

Just as he turns to join the others, I stop him by taking hold of his arm. “Hey Dex?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t rush through the funeral. I understand the desire to get through this and to be anywhere but here, but this is important, not just for others, but for you. Stay present in the moment, for your mother.”