The Redemption(90)
Outside, he finds me smelling the roses. While I’m bent down, his hand slides over the curve of my hip. I turn to him and smile. “Frisky?”
“I couldn’t resist.”
“You’ve been resisting for a while now. What gives?”
“The company is in the capable hands of my cousin and Gage has reconciled with his wife.”
“What about you?”
“I have a tour to prepare for, the album releases soon, and there’s this girl I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. Is now a good time?”
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. But I’m not surprised. It’s Dex—handsome, funny, so sexy, and famous. He has his pick of women and I guess over the last month or so, he decided not to pick me. I raise my chin a bit, hoping I’m come off as strong, something he said he always admired about me. “Sure,” I say while looking away from his brown eyes that hold me captive every time I look into them. Stay strong.
His fingers grace my cheek. “Rochelle, look at me.”
When I finally look up, daring to meet his intense gaze, he says, “I’m in love with you. I always have been. But, I’m no good for you right now.”
“I don’t understand. Why are you the judge and jury when it comes to me?”
“Because you have responsibilities that I can screw up. I’ve got to get my life together. But I’ll make you a promise right here. I won’t be with anyone else. I don’t want to be. I only want you. I’m just hoping you can hang on a little longer and wait for me as well.”
“How long, Dex? My heart can’t take this back and forth.”
“I want to give you answers. I do, but all I can say is that we’ll know when it’s right. I need to deal with my family first… Gage will always be my brother whether we share the same blood or not. He’s the only family I have left.”
“You’ve got me and the band, the boys, and Tommy. Dex, you have so much goodness. Don’t lose it to the troubles of today.”
“I have to get my mom’s estate settled. I’ve had a lot of time to think. It’s been good for me. I don’t know the last time I really blocked out the noise of my life, but I liked it. I also thought a lot about us. About you. Nothing new there, but I just want you to know that I love you. I keep saying it hoping you’ll believe me.”
I touch him, my fingers around his hand. “I believe you. I just want to be with you. I shouldn’t. Not with how you’ve left me in the past, but I love you too much to let this fade away as if it never happened.”
“You’re so damn beautiful.” He laughs and looks around. “The old me would take you upstairs in the middle of this depressing party and f*ck you.”
He makes me smile with his confession and I ask, “And the new you?”
“The new me wants to take you upstairs and make love to you.”
Laughing, I squeeze his hand. “You know, you don’t have to change on my account. I like all your sides.”
“You’re the best reason for all the changes in my life. I don’t do drugs anymore. I don’t have seizures anymore. I wake up with a clear head though sometimes my heart is cloudy.”
“Sounds like a song.”
With a grin, he says, “It is. I want to play it for you soon.”
“Dex?” Gage calls from the back door. He doesn’t see us and Dex doesn’t make a move to respond either.
He finally says, “I should get back. You were right.”
“About what?”
“Being here. You once told me that you never had a chance to be weak because you were so busy being strong for everyone else.” He signals over his shoulder toward the house. “That’s what this is. It’s about helping everyone else through the loss they’re experiencing.”
“What about you?”
He smirks. “I could ask you the same.”
“I’ve mourned. It may have taken me a long time to do, but I’ve done it. I’m choosing to live my life now.”
Leaning down, really close to my ear, he whispers, “You’re incredibly sexy. Go home. I’m gonna kick everyone out shortly. I’ll give you a call.”
“I hope you do. Oh, and why are you sorry?”
“Sorry?”
“Back in Barstow. You told Tommy to tell me you were sorry. Sorry about what?”
“Dex?” his brother yells outside again.
Dex says, “That’s my cue. We’ll talk soon.”
I watch the drapes blow in the breeze slipping in through the cracked open French doors. Rolling onto my side, I grab the other pillow, cuddling it to me. I know it won’t satisfy, though I’m hoping it does, like it can somehow fill the void that Dex has left. I wish we could go back to those times where it was just the two of us, happy. I wish I could take away his pain and heal him. Thinking about the last four years and the roller coaster of our relationship, I smile. Ridiculous I know, but Dex makes me smile… still.
Maybe I can heal him, slowly. Maybe I’m what he needs. Pushing down my doubts, I pick up my phone wanting to get past all the hurt and I text him: You make me so mad sometimes.
A minute later, my phone pings with a message from Dex: When you’re mad, you have this fire that burns on the inside and sparkles in your eyes.