The Problem with Forever(125)

As much as I wanted to hope that change was possible for Rider, I knew it wouldn’t ever happen until he was ready.

And he wasn’t.

*

“We need to talk.”

My back stiffened as I stood in front of my locker Friday before lunch. Nothing good ever followed when Paige said those words. I had no idea what she thought we had to talk about, but I closed the locker door and faced her as I started to shove my speech text into my bag. I stopped when I saw her.

Paige’s eyes were puffy and red. Her hair was slicked back in a low ponytail, and the sweats she wore were a size or two too large. She took a deep breath and her shoulders squared as she stared down at me. “You and I don’t really get along and we only have, like, one thing in common.” She stated what she thought was the obvious, but we had more in common than she realized and maybe that was why there wasn’t a hint of animosity in her tone. “And that’s Rider.”

I tensed.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on between you two, but I think it’s pretty f*cked up that you pulled this crap after what happened with Jayden.”

My mouth dropped open. “I pulled this crap?”

A flicker of surprise shot across her face. Probably because those four words spoken to her were without a moment of hesitation. She quickly hid it, though. “Don’t play stupid. You broke up with Rider right after he watched his friend—a friend he considered a brother—die.”

Was I living in an alternate universe? “I didn’t break up with Rider.”

“Bullshit.” She lowered her chin, eyes narrowing. “He was already miserable with what happened to Jayden and now he’s freaking depressed as all hell.”

Confused beyond belief, I shook my head. “I don’t know what Rider told you, but I...I didn’t break up with him.”

Paige laughed with derision. “I know you’re lying, because the last thing he’d do would be to dump his precious Mouse.”

My brows rose.

“God, do you know how often he talked about you over the years? How perfect and kind and sweet and smart you were? To me? You know, the girl he was with until you came back into the picture?”

I wondered how rude it would be if I smacked her upside the head with the book I held.

“So I know it’s bullshit. He would never do it. You did it after coming to the house Sunday and finding us asleep on the couch,” she accused. “Nothing happened between us. Not that I wouldn’t have been thrilled if something did.”

My eyes narrowed, and my hands clenched around the book. It was a really thick book.

“I knew you would break his heart. He loves you and—”

“If he told you I broke up with him, then he’s the one who’s lying.” Angry, I shoved my book into the bag and yanked the zipper up. “I didn’t break up with him because of Sunday...or for any reason, because I didn’t do it. Look, I’m sorry if you believe that. The last...the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt Rider and I didn’t. He broke up with me.”

Disbelief crept into her face as she stared at me. “He didn’t tell me you broke up with him. I just assumed it was you since I knew—or I thought—he wouldn’t do it.”

“Well, you assumed wrong.” I started to walk away, because admitting to Rider’s ex that he’d dumped me wasn’t exactly brightening my mood.

Of course, she stepped in front of me. “Why did he end it?”

Jaw aching, I cast my gaze to the end of the hall. It really wasn’t her business, but out of frustration, I spoke the truth. “Because he thinks it’s better that way—for me. That I can do better than him.”

“That’s...that’s stupid.”

“Agreed,” I muttered.

“Like that’s super stupid.” Paige paused. “And you’re going to let him believe that?”

“Let him? I tried, but I can’t change the way he thinks about himself.”

“You should try harder,” she fired back.

“It’s not as simple as that,” I told her. “You...you know what he’s been through, right? He’s told you...some stuff. That crap he has in his head is there deep. I can tell him a million times that he deserves the world, but he has to believe that. Not me.”

Paige blinked.

A teacher stepped out of a classroom, frowning when she spotted us by my locker. “You two need to get where you’re going, which is not this hallway.”

Paige rolled her eyes as she turned away from the teacher. “You need to try harder,” she said again, backing away. “If you really cared about him, you would.”

I said nothing as Paige pivoted around and walked in the opposite direction. Try harder? As if it was that simple.

*

It was an absolutely beautiful day, and I didn’t know if that was fair or not for a funeral.

Part of me thought that the morning shouldn’t be so lovely. I wasn’t sure if Hector or Mrs. Luna wanted to see the sun shining so bright. Or maybe the gorgeous day helped remind them of the beauty of the world. Maybe some kind of meaning could be attached to the cloudless sky. I didn’t know.

This was the first funeral I’d ever attended.

Ainsley had met me at the Lunas’ church and we’d stood in the foyer for quite some time before the service started. My feet, mainly my toes, were pinched in their black dress shoes. Shoes I’d never worn before. I’d borrowed them from Ainsley since I realized at the last minute I didn’t have the right pair to wear with the wool pants and black blouse.