The Do-Over(43)

“Yes. I did.” Wes smiled at me. “You two would have liked each other a lot.”

Reaching out, I took Wes’ hand. “Of that, I have no doubt. And I’m really glad you think so.”

Squeezing my hand back. “Are you as nervous as I am, Tara?”

Nodding, I felt instant relief hearing him verbalize that. “We set a memory bar very high. And we have a work relationship, which does complicate things.” And then there is Julien. The ghost hanging over me. Which I regret because he shouldn’t be marring us. But he was before you came back… I wondered what he knew. If anything. Julien was a 220-pound gorilla sitting on my chest, choking the joy out of me. I didn’t want to give him that power, but I just couldn’t push all his negative juju far enough away, even though he was currently on the other side of the world.

“Wes, we’ve had a connection from the second we met. And I think we both get how special that is. That night we met was like meeting my best friend for the first time and that doesn’t ever happen. I make friends slowly and have a small circle that are close to me. You have this big personality – I don’t think you’ve ever met a stranger, and that is an amazing talent. So, I never really knew if that night was just a normal night for you, just the way you relate to people or if our connection was different.”

I was shocked to see the stricken look in his eyes and the deep crevasse form between his brows. “Tara, seriously?”

I nodded, “Seriously.” I needed to hear him tell me.

Moving the food tray and pitcher from between us, he shifted his seat over, adjacent to mine, slinging his arm over my shoulder and pulling my head close, and in that moment, it felt right to settle in there. Bridge one had just been crossed. It took over fifteen years.

His voice was gruff when he spoke. “I met my best friend for the first time. I can’t think of a better way to describe it. You were there, and as every minute flowed effortlessly into the next hour, you were inextricably more a part of my life, immediately – both past and present, as if there had never been a moment without you. Our crazy one degree of separation was uncanny and it was clear we were supposed to meet. It had been like we’d been playing this parallel game of hopscotch our entire lives. We were always so close, yet one step away. So no Tara, the level of instant connect that I had with you, is not the level I get to with most people – at least not for a very long time,” he paused, then added, “if ever. Never. Just once.” He took a sip from his drink. “I really didn’t know what to do with it. I knew what I wanted to do with it. And I couldn’t and I was so at odds because of that. I’m not a cheater. That’s not who I am. But I also knew, on some deep, cellular level that letting you walk out of my life was a tremendous loss that shouldn’t happen. I never should have left that ship without a way to stay in touch. And I regretted that. I regretted it deeply. And that stayed with me.”

Lifting my head from his shoulder, I shifted in my chair to face him. I needed to see his eyes. “We weren’t ready. Our paths weren’t ready yet. We both had other destinies to fulfill.”

“Ready now?” He raised his brows, questioningly.

“Almost.” Taking a deep breath, I gathered courage I prayed I possessed. Please don’t let this be the end, I prayed.

“Almost?”

“There’s something we need to talk about.”

Wes shook his head. “No, Tara. We don’t.”

“We do. We can’t have this between us,” I implored, sick to speak the words about to come out of my mouth.

Adamantly, Wes continued to shake his head. “Trust me. What you think you need to tell me, you do not need to tell me. It is a conversation we should not have.”

Could he possibly be talking about the same thing? Had Julien already said something to him.

“We have to. You have to hear this from me.”

“No, Tara. Trust me on this. I do not. It is best not to have the conversation you think we need to have. Trust me. I know me and I’m telling you. You do not need to verbalize this.”

“I don’t want it between us.”

“It’s not going to be between us.”

“Are you sure?” I searched his eyes. He had to be talking about me and Julien.

“I’m positive and it is nothing I ever want to discuss. Please trust me on this one.”

Looking down in my lap, I studied the shade of pink on my fingernails. “Okay, I’m going to honor that. I just want to say one thing.” I looked up at him. “I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. And I hope you know that I think the world of you and I consider our paths crossing again to be a huge, huge gift. One that I really cherish. I hope you know that.”

“I do know that, Tara and that is exactly why the conversation you think needs to take place really does not need to take place and would actually be detrimental. This is about moving forward. From here. Now. Not the past.”

He knew. He knew. And he still wanted to move forward with me. I closed my eyes and let the relief wash over me. What Wes and I felt for one another. The potential of what we could be was so much greater than Julien’s toxic energy and games. I let the power of that wash over me as if cleansing my soul, which hit rock bottom that Sunday morning when I mistakenly and naively believed that Julien Matthews actually had a heart, foolishly allowing him to use and disregard me in his sick and misguided quest to prove his manhood. I had momentarily given him power, which yes, I did regret, but I had cut it off before that day even ended. Something he made very clear to me that he resented. The man did not like having his power usurped.