The Do-Over(38)

Walking the halls, I couldn’t get comfortable in my own space those first few nights. I hoped the feeling would subside as I got used to being alone. Scarlett’s absence made it brutally clear that my life revolved around my daughter and my job and somewhere in there, Tara had been lost. Was I doing this because it was safe, I wondered?

“Why don’t you take a vacation?” Laynie asked over lunch that week.

“I’m swamped at work. We’re still working on the C-Kicker campaigns for launch in October during National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and we just picked up Food Bank for NYC as a client, so a long weekend is probably all I’d be able to get away for and I’m going to save that for Parent’s Weekend at camp.”

“You need something more, you know that,” she pressed.

I know Laynie was expecting to get an argument from me, defending that everything was fine the way it was, but I surprised her when I agreed with her. “You’re right, I do. I just don’t know what. I don’t know how to be single and socially active. I kind have dug myself into the holes of being highly successful at being single and alone, single and a great mom and single and a workaholic. But I don’t know how to be single and socially successful.”

“You need a pool boy.” Laynie was dead serious.

“That would work much better if I had a backyard and a pool.” I lamented.

“Excuses, excuses.” She shook her head while focusing on cutting a slice of grilled eggplant.

“Bitch.”

We both laughed, but I was no closer to figuring out how to keep the loneliness at bay that was invading the sanctity of my nights.



“Hey, what are you doing here?” It was a surprise to see Wes walk into my office. Renata and Kelly were the two we had the most contact with and it had been at least a month since Wes had been onsite.

“There were some rushes that needed my approval.”

I was surprised we hadn’t just uploaded them to him.

“And I have to meet Julien in about an hour. Our biggest fabric supplier is in from the Far East and we have a last meeting with them out by Kennedy Airport before they head home, so I figured I’d stop by here first.

“Sit down.” I motioned to the chair.

He picked up the picture of Scarlett and smiled. “So, she seems to be loving sleepaway camp.”

“You two are in touch?” I was shocked.

Wes laughed. “The mom’s always the last to know. Yeah, I get texts from her every few days.”

“You do? That child tells me nothing.” I shook my head.

“That was some bruise she got falling off that horse, but she says she feels fine,” his delivery was casual.

Gripping the edge of my desk, I sat up straight. “Scarlett fell off a horse and the camp didn’t call me?” My voice rose an octave.

“I guess I wasn’t supposed to say anything. She’s fine, Tara.”

“Wes, show me that picture.” My hand was outstretched for his phone.

Scrolling through their text thread, he came to the picture and handed me the phone.

“Oh my God, she should have been x-rayed,” I gasped, looking at my daughter’s purple thigh.

Scrolling down the thread, I was amazed at their rapport and the wonderful advice he was giving her on friends, life and boys.

“And who is this?” I turned the phone around to show him a picture of a boy.

Wes laughed, “That is Cameron.”

“Cameron?”

“Yeah, Cameron lives in New Hampshire and is captain of the camp soccer team.”

“And I assume my daughter likes Cameron?” I asked.

With a shit-eating grin, Wes filled me in. “I guess you could say Scarlett and Cameron are an item.” He just sat there smiling at me. “If you weren’t holding my phone I’d take a picture of you right now to send to your daughter. Subject: Freaked Out Mother.”

“I can’t believe I don’t know any of this.” I think Wes finally read the sadness in my eyes. “She used to tell me everything.”

“And she will again, Tara. I think she’s just excited to get a male perspective on guys. I’m a safe place that’s not mom or dad.”

I nodded. “Well, thank you for being there for her. I really do appreciate it.”

“And honestly, I didn’t realize she wasn’t sharing some of this stuff with you. But now that I know that, if it’s anything important, like falling off a horse or falling in love, I’ll make sure you’re aware of it.”

“Thank you,” I began to say, as his phone buzzed in my hand. The screen flashed Keiko. “Oh, for you.” I awkwardly handed his phone back to him.

“Hey, what’s up?”

I suddenly felt like the outsider in my own office. Do I give him privacy? Step out into the hall?

Wes’ demeanor changed at lightning speed, a crease forming between his brow as his spine stiffened and the tic in his jaw pulsed.

The tsunami of tension from across the desk slammed me unexpectedly and I knew I needed to vacate immediately or I was somehow going to go under. Standing, I grabbed my cell and came around my desk toward the door. Wes’ right hand shot out, grabbed my forearm and held me there. It was in that moment that I realized he was not pulling me to safety but using me as an anchor and I threaded my fingers through his, squeezing his hand tightly.