The Breakdown(21)

with the spade in his hand, I feel suddenly foolish.

‘Sorry,’ I say awkwardly. ‘I really did think someone

was there.’

He puts the spade down and wraps his arms around

me. ‘Hey, better to be safe than sorry.’

‘I don’t suppose you want to make me one of your

gin and tonics, do you? I could do with a stiff drink.

I’ll just throw some clothes on.’

‘It’ll be waiting for you in the garden,’ he promises,

taking his arms from around me and heading for the

stairs.

I pull on jeans and a t-shirt and follow him down.

He’s standing in the kitchen slicing some limes.

‘That was quick,’ he says. But I’m too busy staring at

the window.

‘Did you open the window?’ I ask.

‘What?’ He turns to look. ‘No, it was like that when

I came in.’

‘But I shut it,’ I say, frowning. ‘Before I went up for

my bath I shut all the windows.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes.’ I search my memory. I can remember closing

the windows in the sitting room and the one in the

study but I can’t remember closing this one. ‘At least, I thought I had.’

‘Maybe you didn’t close it properly and it came open,’

he says. ‘Maybe that was the noise you heard.’





74


b a paris


‘You’re probably right,’ I say, relieved. ‘Come on, let’s have that drink.’

*

Later, after dinner, we carry the rest of the bottle of wine through to the sitting room to finish in front of a film.

It’s hard to find one we haven’t already seen.

‘What about Juno?’ he asks as we flick through the list. ‘Do you know what it’s about?’

‘A teenager who finds herself pregnant and looks for

the perfect couple to adopt her baby. I don’t really think it’s for you.’

‘Oh, I don’t know.’ He takes the remote from me and

puts it to one side. ‘We haven’t talked about having a

baby for a while now,’ he says, gathering me in his arms.

‘You do still want to, don’t you?’

I lay my head on his shoulder, loving how safe he

makes me feel. ‘Yes, of course.’

‘Then perhaps we should start putting the wheels in

motion. It can be quite a long process, apparently.’

‘We said when we’d been married a year,’ I say and,

despite my joy, I realise that I’m stalling, because how

can I think about having a child when, before it’s even

a teenager, I could be diagnosed with dementia, like

Mum? I know I’m probably worrying about nothing

but to ignore the problems I’ve been having with my

memory would be stupid.

The Breakdown





75


‘It’s lucky it’s our anniversary soon, then,’ he says


softly. ‘Why don’t we watch an action film instead?’

I jump on the distraction and turn to face the film

choices on the television menu. ‘All right. Let’s have a

look at what there is.’

We watch a film until the news comes on. As always,

Jane’s murder features prominently and I only carry on

watching because I’m desperate to know if they’re any

nearer to catching her killer. But they’ve made little

progress and a police officer comes on.

‘If you, or anyone you know, were in the vicinity of Blackwater Lane last Friday night, or in the early hours of Saturday morning, and saw Jane Walter’s car, a dark red Renault Clio, parked or otherwise, please call the following number.’

He seems to be looking directly at me as he speaks,

and when he adds that people can call the number

anonymously, I realise it’s the answer to my dilemma.

The news finishes and Matthew, ready for bed, tries

to pull me to my feet.

‘You go ahead, there’s something I want to watch on

another channel,’ I say, reaching for the remote.

‘OK,’ he says cheerfully. ‘I’ll see you later.’

I wait until he’s upstairs, then rewind the news until

I find the number and jot it down on a piece of paper.

I don’t want the police to be able to trace the call back to me so I’ll have to use a payphone, which means I won’t be able to phone until Monday, when Matthew’s back at work. And once I have, hopefully some of my

guilt will disappear.

SUNDAY JULY 26th

The house phone rings while Matthew is in the kitchen

making breakfast to bring back to bed.

‘Can you get it?’ I call from the bedroom, shifting

further down under the covers. ‘If it’s for me, tell

whoever it is that I’ll call them back!’

A moment later, I hear him asking Andy how he is,

so I guess bumping into Hannah has prompted his call.