Sunday Morning (Damaged #7.5)(17)

Long after the sun disappeared, I raced through a foggy night on a lonely road deep in Georgia. Only when the cold and fog grew too overwhelming did I stop to sleep. The motel looked as beat-up as I felt.

I didn’t check my beeper to see if anyone contacted me. Before climbing into bed, I didn’t even take off my shoes. I collapsed face down on the bed, closed my eyes, and let the world fall away.

In the morning, I planned to return to Chesterfield and Jodi. I’d make things right by ending what I should never have started.

That night, though, I let myself dream the way Jodi often did. Love and destiny were all that mattered. Despite the beautiful lies, I knew in the morning I would give up the only beautiful thing I’d ever known.





13 - Jodi


Kirk left before I woke and he didn’t return for two days. I skipped out on school so I could stay at the apartment and wait for him. Classes didn’t matter. Nothing did until I saw Kirk again.

At first, I thought he needed time to think. When he didn’t return that evening, I worried he was hurt. Had he tried taking out his frustrations in a fight and lost? Was he in the hospital? Jail? The morgue? The last thought left me in a panic, unable to do more than sit on the couch and stare at the door.

Kirk left like a whisper, but he returned like a tornado. Tearing into the apartment, he stopped for only a second when he found me sitting on the couch where I’d been for over a day.

“New plan, kid. You’re moving out. I’m moving on.”

His words didn’t register. I was so shocked to see him. Relieved yet in disbelief, I struggled to understand what was happening. After a minute, I accepted he was alive and well. I still didn’t understand what he was saying.

“What?”

“Get packing.”

“I don’t understand. Where have you been?”

“None of your f*cking business. Get your shit. I’m taking you back to your place.”

I stood up and looked around, still stunned by his sudden reappearance. I’d convinced myself he was in danger. Where had he been all this time? Did he shack up with some whore while I sat around worrying about him?

“Where were you?” I asked again.

“I want you out of the apartment.”

“No.”

“Not a request. I’m leaving,” he said, reaching for the doorknob. “When I get back, I want you out of here.”

Seeing him ready to walk out again, I ran to Kirk and slapped him across the face. I hadn’t planned to hit him, but my hand had a mind of its own. Kirk lifted his hand as a reflex, and I braced for his retaliation. Once his dark eyes registered who attacked him, he lowered his hand.

His expression made me even angrier. “So you’ll break my heart, but you won’t fight me. Do you think that makes you a good guy?”

“I know exactly what I am, Jodi. I’ve been f*cking trying to tell you I’m shit since we met. I don’t have a white horse, and I can’t save you. All your fairytale lies don’t change that I stole something from you that should have been saved for a better man.”

“Stole?” I laughed bitterly. “Fuck you and your well-meaning bullshit. You didn’t have the balls to steal anything from me. I had to throw it at you. Slap you upside the head with it. Everything I gave you was forced on you. From the moment we met, I called all the damn shots because you were too scared. You might be older, but I’m smarter. I gave us what we needed. Now you’re gonna throw it all away.”

“You think you love me, don’t you? Well, darling, that ain’t smart.”

“I know I love you. I feel it in my bones,” I said, struggling to make sense of my tears. “You treat me like a child, but I know what I f*cking know. You’re scared. Love comes with responsibilities, and you’ve been hiding from them your whole life. It’s why you don’t run the club or have a woman. It’s why you’d throw me away when you love me too.”

“Love ain’t enough, Jodi.”

“You know how I know I’m brilliant? I picked a man willing to suffer to protect me. I picked a man willing to go without so I can be safe. Too bad that man’s too stupid to realize the only way I’ll ever be safe is with him. My heart can’t belong to anyone else. You’ve claimed it, and you have no right to close the door on me now.”

I saw him trying to weasel out of the painful moment. Grabbing his hand, I held it tightly in both of mine.

“If you do reject me, it’ll be the cruelest bullshit you’ve ever done. Worse than any crime you’ve committed because you love me. You are supposed to protect what you love. You think you’re doing that by tossing me out, but you’re wrong. This right here with you rejecting me is more dangerous than you calling me your woman.”

“You’ve got all the answers, huh?”

His words didn’t hurt as much as the chill in his voice. Kirk really planned to walk away from me, and I’d never get him back. I felt him leaving, and his rejection tore away all my confidence.

Giving into my tears, I let go of his hand. “I don’t have shit besides you. You’re the only person who’s ever mattered. I know you don’t care, and I know I’m just talking to talk because if I stop, you’ll leave and I’ll be alone. Without you, I’ll always be alone. No one can know me like you do. I might try to find someone else, but he’d be my second choice, and he’d always feel that.”