Sunday Morning (Damaged #7.5)(21)

I was terrified of giving birth and raising a baby. I still needed to get my GED and learn how to be a mom. All of my plans felt possible with Kirk at my side. Except I would be on my own until he returned.

“This place is pretty as f*ck,” Kirk told me the day before he left.

We rested in bed while he teased the stretched flesh of my swollen gut. I managed to get through the first half of my pregnancy without puking or nausea. I only wanted to eat all day and hide in the apartment. The hormones made me paranoid, and I was fairly sure the homeless man across the street was working for the CIA.

“Ellsberg is quiet,” Kirk said, painting a picture of our future home.

“Chesterfield has quiet parts.”

“No, it really doesn’t. I live in the nicest part, and it’s a f*cking shithole.”

I thought of the homeless CIA agent and figured Kirk had a point.

“What if you don’t come back?”

“I know what I’m doing. I have it planned out up here,” he said, tapping his big, beautiful head.

“Things can happen.”

“Things can happen if I’m here too.”

I only grunted because being alone in Chesterfield for weeks sounded like the worst thing ever.

“It’s not too far from here. I can visit while I’m putting things together in Ellsberg.”

“Ellsberg sounds like a loser town,” I said, pouting despite knowing I was making shit harder on Kirk.

“It has a small college where you can take courses. It’s a nice school too, not like the crappy community college here.”

I imagined myself on the campus of a real college, and my worries settled slightly.

“Colleges probably have nice libraries,” I said while putting my pout in neutral.

“I bet it does.”

“Do you think the schools will be good enough for our baby?”

“Way better than here. Safer too.”

“Can we have a yard?”

“Hell yeah,” he said, smiling at how I was coming around. “Our boy is going to need space for him and his dogs.”

“Dogs? Now there’s more than one?”

“Sure. I always wanted a dog, but I ain’t taking it for a walk like Missus Glibber downstairs. I want a yard for us and our kids.”

Smiling easier now, I rested my hand on my stomach next to his.

“I like the idea of our baby growing up somewhere nice, but I like the idea of you staying here with me better.”

“I’ll call you every night before bed. I’ll visit whenever I have a chance. And Jodi,” he said, pressing his forehead against mine. “I will return to take you and our kid to Ellsberg.”

“Do you promise you’ll be as vicious as you need to be, so you’ll come back to me?”

Kirk’s expression shifted, and I saw the killer hidden inside the man I loved.

“I’ll do whatever I need to do.”

I believed Kirk. I knew he was on a mission to make something special for us. As much as I trusted him, I had no faith in life not to shit all over our future.

The day Kirk left for Ellsberg, I did nothing except cry, sleep, and eat. The next day, I considered leaving the apartment but decided against it.

Before leaving, Kirk bought me a used car so I could get around town. He stashed a ton of cash in hidey-holes in the apartment. If he didn’t come back, I’d be set for a good chunk of time. He’d thought of everything including having someone check on me every few days. I was safe even with him hundreds of miles away.

Despite all his efforts, I wasn’t happy except when he called. We talked about nothing most days. He couldn’t share what he was doing in Ellsberg. My days were spent in the apartment, watching TV and reading books I bought at the grocery store. Even with nothing to say, he called every night and helped me relax.

“You’re my woman, and you’re carrying my boy. When you get to feeling like shit, you just remember those two facts, Jodi.”

By the second week, I only left the apartment to grocery shop. I didn’t want to see anyone. When I was in the apartment, I could hold one of Kirk’s shirts and inhale his scent. I could daydream about us together in a magical place called Ellsberg.

A month passed. Kirk visited twice in the beginning, but then he couldn’t get away. I swore to myself that I trusted him, yet I felt my panic growing each day.

The one saving grace was my boy’s hard kicks. The baby was healthy. After the ultrasound, the doctor gave me a black and white picture that I studied constantly.

“You were right,” I told Kirk on the phone the night I found out we were having a boy. “I’m sure you’re used to hearing that.”

Kirk laughed, sounding closer than he had in weeks. “Have you been thinking about names?”

“Yeah, but I don’t have any I like. I guess I was hoping we’d have a Tiara despite your assurances.”

“You keep going through that baby name book and pick out the best five. When I get home, we’ll haggle over the choices.”

“You’re coming home soon,” I said, sounding ready to cry.

“Autumn is f*cking gorgeous here, Jodi. You’re going to love it. I’ve been driving around and looking for a place for us to live. Soon, you’ll be driving around with me.”