Sunday Morning (Damaged #7.5)(14)

Kirk wasn’t ready that night to admit anything. I saw how his jaw clenched whenever I looked at him. He still struggled, so I gave him space.

Weeks stretched into months. I only saw my mother once when I dropped by for Thanksgiving. She asked if I was knocked up yet. I said I loved her, but she could go f*ck herself. It was one of our better conversations.

The Christmas lights from the small tree in the corner hypnotized me. This apartment felt like my home, and the man at my side was my love.

I wanted to seduce Kirk. In my fantasies, I’d imagined seducing him a thousand times. Most days at school, I daydreamed about kissing Kirk. I considered what to say, how to move, and even what I might wear.

Before Kirk, I’d only kissed one guy, and his lips were sloppy. I hadn’t hated it, but I never wanted a repeat. I even wondered if I wasn’t a sexual person. Not wanting sex would be an excellent way to avoid becoming my mother.

Except with Kirk, I knew I wanted sexy. In fact, I constantly thought about touching him.

Finally, I worked up the courage to make my fantasies real.

“How often do you shave?” I asked, sitting on my knees and caressing his stubbled jaw.

“Every few days. Why?”

“Just wondering,” I murmured. “How do you decide when it’s time?”

Cupping his face, I studied his rugged features. Kirk didn’t answer my question. He watched me with eyes that drew me closer.

“If you keep this up, I won’t make it four and a half years.”

“What do I care? That’s your goal, not mine.”

Kirk smiled at me, and my heart immediately raced under his gaze. He was perfection without being perfect. While I didn’t understand a lot in life, I understood this man was special.

“When you’re young,” he said, looking back at the TV, “you want to grow up fast. Once you get old, you want life to slow down.”

“I want to grow up fast because I have no power as a kid. I can’t decide anything. I can’t even make you take me to the bedroom.”

“No, you can’t, but you’re sure as hell making me second-guess my choices.”

“Good.”

Kirk avoided my gaze. “You don’t know what you want. You only know you’re lonely.”

“I’m not lonely.”

“Yeah, you are,” he said, holding my gaze. “I was like you growing up. I didn’t know who to trust or what was happening next in my life. I wanted to stay in juvie hall just because I knew what to expect. I had a life there. That’s f*cked up, but that’s not so different from you wanting me here.”

“Isn’t it possible that I just want you because you’re handsome, and I’m a normal woman who likes handsome men?”

“I guess.”

I skimmed his jaw with my fingers and smiled. “You’re more afraid of this than I am.”

“Because I know what life has in store for us, and you’re too young to understand.”

“Or you’re too set in your ways, and I’m more willing to take a leap of faith.”

Kirk grinned, and my fingers stroked his smiling lips.

“I want you to kiss me,” I said after building up enough courage.

“One kiss could lead to more.”

“Fucking duh,” I said, gripping his shirt. “Ravage me.”

“Do you even know what you’re talking about?”

“I know I want these hands,” I said, taking his in mine, “on my body. I want to feel you. Most of the girls at my school have had sex already.”

“With stupid boys from your school.”

“Yeah, so they got f*cked badly while I was smart enough to find a real man.”

Kirk shakes his head. “You sound like a kid playing dress up.”

“You sound like a man afraid of his own shadow.”

Sometimes, I forgot about Kirk’s temper and ego. They rarely showed up when we were together, but I’d challenged his manhood. Without thinking, he responded to my dare by gripping the back of my head and planting a hot kiss on my startled lips.

My tongue immediately slid into his mouth, wanting a better taste before he put on the brakes.

Kirk wrapped his strong arms around me. My body pressed against his until our speeding hearts beat as one. I couldn’t believe he was finally kissing me. He tasted better than anything ever. Better than even my most fantastic fantasy.

When his lips tried to leave mine, I groaned loudly into his mouth and tightened my grip. Kirk didn’t dare refuse me. I was lost in his heat, and he’d been waiting for too long to let go.

We were right there in the moment. Tomorrow promised nothing. A year from then, we might both be dead in the most random ways. Nothing was set beyond our desperate bodies pressed together wanting more than either could stand.

Nothing beautiful lasted forever. Kirk took me by the shoulders and held me away from him. My lips felt naked while my body ached with his abandonment.

Kirk’s gaze revealed he was dying inside. Despite my hunger, I smiled at knowing he wanted me as much as I did him.

My body ached to be filled. On a primal level, I understood what needed to happen to be claimed. This man owned me in so many ways, but I wasn’t his completely. Not yet, and I saw this knowledge on Kirk’s rugged face.