Semper Mine (Sons of War #1)(42)

There’s too much for me to think about, and my body is toast after the long day. Carson hands Jenna over to me.

“You okay, sweetie?” I whisper, hugging her close.

She nods and wraps her arms around my neck.

I teeter back and lean against a tree. My arms are shaky, my wrist killing me. I’m afraid I’ll drop her and let the tree support my weight. With a sigh, I rest my head against hers and close my eyes.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I murmur. “I should’ve been more careful.”

She’s calming in my arms.

“I’ll take her.” Captain Mathis says quietly.

I look up at him. Normally, I’d argue, but right now, I’m feeling weak.

“Marines don’t hug,” Jenna replies.

“I’ll make one exception,” he replies without hesitation.

She goes to him and wraps her arms around his neck. “Can we have bacon again?”

Sawyer meets my gaze, his dark eyes taking in my features. I wipe my cheeks free of tears self-consciously. He’s standing close enough to make my blood race, his scent and warmth tickling my senses.

“You good to go?” he asks.

“Great.” I straighten, embarrassed by the intensity of his look, especially in front of Petr, who has on eyebrow raised. “By the way, when did you give them bacon?”

Sawyer starts to smile. A real smile, like he gives everyone else. He’s holding my gaze, and my face is getting warm.

“Do you know how processed bacon is? There’s nothing natural about it by the time they’re done making it,” I add. I can’t summon the normal amount of anger I should, not after what we just went through. If he doesn’t stop looking at me like that, I’m going to start begging him for bacon, too.

“But I love bacon,” Jenna says mournfully. She rests her head on Sawyer’s shoulder.

“Bacon should be its own food group,” Riley seconds.

“Whatever.” I move around Sawyer and start walking back towards the course. One look from him, and I’m having trouble thinking and don’t even notice how soaked and cold my clothing is.

The warmth he creates lasts until I start to think about what he said when we were clinging to the ravine wall.

You haven’t given yourself time to heal from Mikael’s death.

I hate that he’s right. It’s the same reason I don’t want to take down Mikael’s pictures, because I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll lose what part of him I still have.

By the time we’re back to the dorms, I’m close to tears again.





Chapter Fifteen: Sawyer


Katya doesn’t speak all the way back to the barracks. We arrive around eight, which is bedtime for the beat kids. She disappears inside. I don’t bother trying to talk to her and accompany Jenna to the medic’s.

After twenty minutes, we return. Jenna is bruised up but otherwise healthy. She’s almost out, and I’m carrying her. I’m not at all anxious to get back to the room I share with Katya, so I wait on the porch while Jenna drags her feet to the community head for a shower.

I watch the other teams settling in for the night. Riley’s got the wild kids, and his barracks is the only one active still. Petr flips off lights in his barracks and closes the door behind him, heading towards me.

Coated in mud, I’m content on the porch, trying to get my head straight after the past twenty-four hours. It has nothing to do with the ravine incident and everything to do with the woman I can’t seem to dismiss the way I want to.

“Hey, sir.” Petr reaches the porch and sits beside me. “Interesting day.”

I snort.

“You ready to kill my sister yet?”

“She’s something else,” I allow. I’m not sure if I want to kill her or f*ck her. I’ve never met anyone who provokes that kind of mixed reaction out of me. Usually, those sentiments are as far apart as they can get.

“Thanks for helping her out today.” Petr’s smile fades. A shadow crosses his features. “I can’t lose another sibling.”

“You won’t,” I reply firmly. I can see his pain briefly, the same that Katya expresses in those moments when her guard is down. It’s a sobering reminder of the lives affected by a decision I made months ago, one that frustrates me. There’s nothing I can do to help. “She keeps me on my toes. It’s a good thing.”

Petr laughs. “You couldn’t sound any less eager!”

“She’s not that bad.” Today was unexpectedly rough. I learned a little too much about Katya, and it’s made me uncertain how to handle that knowledge and how I feel about her.

He glances at me, as if to see if I’m joking. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Interesting.” A smile pulls up the corners of his lips. His eyes are twinkling. “Not many people give her a chance to show how sweet she is beneath that temper.”

“She’s got more depth than I thought at first. I didn’t know she was hurt when your mother died in the fire.”

“Yeah. When the alarms went off, Kitty ran the opposite way she was supposed to. Towards the fire to help us instead of escaping. The beam almost crushed her. Baba lifted it off her, but the damage was done. Our mother was dead and Katya close to it. Most of the muscular structure of her back and one hip was basically melted. It took her years in rehab to learn to walk right again.”