Saved by Love (Willow Valley Book 3)(40)

He cleared his throat. “Abigail. Abby. I don’t know how to say this. I’m not good at talking about this kind of thing. But I need to apologize to you. I’ve failed you. Badly.”

She looked at him, her mouth falling open. “What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath, then reached for a cookie, taking a bite in what appeared to be an effort to buy time. When he finished, he took a sip of tea. By the time he finally spoke, Abby thought she was going to burst from curiosity.

“I wasn’t there for you growing up. You didn’t have a father figure and you never learned how to trust a man with your heart.” He was so matter-of-fact about it that Abby didn’t know what to say at first.

Finally she replied, “I wouldn’t say that, Charles. I was married before. I’d say that takes a bit of trust in a man.”

They didn’t seem surprised at all by her statement, and Denise said, “Jesse told us.” She should have known Lissa wouldn’t keep it to herself. But she couldn’t exactly blame her for telling her husband. But Jesse—they had developed somewhat of a bond and she didn’t know how she felt about the fact that he’d told his parents.

“Please don’t be mad at him,” she said. “We were really concerned about you at dinner the other night. And after what we talked about a couple weeks ago, I was even more worried. It put it all in perspective for me once he told me what happened.”

Abby turned back to her father. “I don’t see how you can take any of the blame for this then, if you know my history.”

“I know I’m not the world’s best father. By any means. But I’m getting older and looking back at a lot of my mistakes with Jesse and I see how I could have been a better father. I also know that a girl needs a father. You never had that in me.”

She still wasn’t following. “But that doesn’t have anything to do with Ethan.”

He nodded. “I think it does more than you realize. You think you can’t trust him because of what happened with your first husband, correct?”

“I don’t know if trust is the right word…”

“I think it is. You think you’re going to end up hurt, one way or another. That’s trust. Not having me around growing up was the first time you learned that you can’t rely on a man. And I’m sorry for that.”

“You didn’t know…did you?”

He shook his head. “No, I didn’t. But I was irresponsible with your mother, and I have to take responsibility for that know.”

Abby was floored. She had never expected to hear these things from her father. It was odd timing, but she felt like this was a crack in the door and he was inviting her in for the first time. “Thank you for that,” she said quietly.

“Just promise me that you won’t throw away a good thing when you have it because of things that have happened in your past.” Then he stood up and left the room.

Abby looked at Denise, speechless.

“He wants to be a part of your life now, honey. He just doesn’t know where to start.”

“Well I guess that was as good a place as any? Who knew when I came here tonight that it would be a new start with my father?” She shook her head. “Still, I don’t think he’s to blame for my shortcomings with Ethan.”

“Your shortcomings, dear?”

“Well, yeah. I mean I can’t blame him for any of it. He is who he is. And I fell hard for that man. I wouldn’t want him to change. I love him exactly how he is.”

“Then what needs to change?”

Abby wrinkled her brow. “I’m not sure I understand.”

But Denise only gave her a look that said, ‘Don’t you?’ and lifted her teacup to her mouth.

Abby chewed mindlessly on a cookie while she tried to figure out what Denise was getting at. What needed to change if not Ethan? Because she meant what she said. She didn’t want to change a thing about him. That only left her. She had to change herself.

But how?

She had been so entrenched in her way of thinking for so long now that she didn’t know how to move past it. Something Ethan said to her earlier tugged at her mind. What were the words he’d used?

You’re the strongest woman I know. Don’t let yourself believe anything less.

Don’t let yourself. Let. That’s the word he’d chosen, and she didn’t think that was a mistake. She was allowing her fear to control her life. She thought she was the one in control, but she wasn’t. She hadn’t been for a long time.

Sure, she’d made huge leaps in the past few weeks, ever since Ethan had opened her up to the side of herself she thought was long gone. The side of herself that she wanted to believe was her true self. But was she being true to herself if she was letting fear rule over her?

Denise interrupted her train of thought. “Do you remember what I told you a few weeks ago?” When Abby didn’t answer right away, knowing Denise had said a lot of wise things, she continued. “That living a life full of fear isn’t really living at all. I stand by that. Just think about it, Abby. You love this man?”

Abby nodded.

“And he loves you?”

She nodded again. At least she hoped he still did.

“And you’re going to throw it all away because you’re afraid of something that might happen? Well, what if it doesn’t? Talk about regrets.”