Saved by Love (Willow Valley Book 3)(38)

He locked his door and went and stood by the car until she came back down the stairs. Opening the door for her, he clasped her hand before she could sit down. She glanced at him, and he could tell she was fighting back tears. “Abby…” He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her hand. “It’s okay, I promise.”

But she didn’t look convinced.

He blew out a breath as he made his way around the car. He drove in silence, the tension in the car so thick he felt he would choke on it. How had they gotten here so fast? Things had been perfect while they were gone. They’d come back to reality and…what? She’d had a change of heart?

He pressed down on the gas, wanting to get where he was going. She didn’t even flinch as he took a corner way faster than he should have. That right there said how distracted she was.

When they finally reached the top of a hill just outside of town, he parked the car at a lookout and went around to open her door. They walked in silence to a bench off to the side of the lot. The days were already starting to cool off as they got shorter. It wouldn’t be too much longer before the sun set.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. When it didn’t appear that she was going to say anything, Ethan took a deep breath and dove in.

“Abby, what’s changed?”

She looked at him, startled. “Changed?”

“Don’t try to tell me nothing is wrong. You were different yesterday. I wouldn’t have gone in to work if you hadn’t insisted. I don’t have to take every call if I’m not on duty.”

“No,” she broke in forcefully. “I don’t ever want to be the girl that keeps you from doing your job. Or from doing anything else. I won’t do that.”

“Okay. But I want you to know this, Abby.” He touched her cheek. “Look at me. I’m willing to give it up. For you.”

She looked furious. Not what he was expecting. “Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you.” The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to even realize what he was saying. But he wouldn’t take them back. He meant them.

Her fingers flew to her mouth, and she started crying. “Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”

He was shocked. That was the last thing he expected. Unless he’d read everything wrong, she felt just as strongly for him. “What? Why not? Abby, what’s going on with you?”

She took a couple steadying breaths. “You can’t love me.”

“Well, too bad. Because I already do.”

“Just listen,” she said. He sat back, waiting. Was she finally going to tell him what was going on?

“Ethan. You can’t love me because this is never going to work.” She held a hand up when he opened his mouth to disagree with her. “Just let me finish. I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for this. I thought I was. I thought I was moving on, taking control of my life again. I thought I was ready to move forward with you, see what we could have.”

He didn’t care if she needed to finish. He couldn’t stay quiet. “We still can! I don’t understand what you’re saying. Abby, I’ll do whatever you need. I know it’s hard for you. I know you’re scared. Hell, I’m just as scared as you are. But it’s worth it. We’re worth it. You are worth whatever it takes from me.”

She just shook her head, tears rolling silently down her cheeks. He wanted to take her in his arms but he had a feeling she would only push him away.

“I don’t want you to change who you are, Ethan. But I don’t know if I can be okay with that person.”

Wow. That one stung.

She reached out and touched his face. “I don’t mean that how it came out. I mean that I don’t know if I can accept the life that you live. Who you are is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, ever. But don’t you see? I have these issues, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully come to terms with them.”

“Abby, I’ll quit my job. It’s not my world. I can get a job doing something else. You’re more important than a job to me.” She was. For the first time ever, he was willing to give something up for a woman.

But she shook her head. “I don’t want you to do that. I won’t let you do that. You’ll resent me forever.” He started to protest, but she cut him off again. “Besides, it’s not just your job. I thought I would be okay with everything. I really did. I thought I could handle your crazy adventurous life, but I don’t think I’m strong enough.”

He didn’t believe that for a second. “Dammit, Abby, you’re the strongest woman I know. Don’t let yourself believe anything less.”

“Ethan, please just listen to what I’m saying. If it were anyone else, I could probably do it. You’ve helped me see that I can deal with way more than I thought. But not this. Not you. Don’t you see? I love you too. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life, insane as that may sound. But it’s true. And that’s why I can’t do it. If I were to lose you, I couldn’t handle it. It would kill me.”

He sat back, dumbfounded. She loved him. More than anyone, ever? The knowledge should have made him the happiest man on earth. Instead, it was a knife through the heart because he was on the precipice of having it all, and she was walking away. He saw in her eyes that she was determined. There was no changing her mind. She’d probably even decided long before yesterday.