Ryder (Resisting Love #2.5)(23)

“All I can offer you is friendship, Saxon,” I tell him frankly. He looks disappointed, heartbroken even.

“Because of Ryder?” he asks bitterly.

“No, Saxon. It’s because you cheated on me!” I almost yell, losing my temper.

“Yeah and sleeping with one of my best friends is enough of a payback, don’t you think?” he counters.

“Oh my god! I didn’t even know that you knew Ryder! My relationship with him has nothing to do with you, Saxon! I've moved on, and you need to do the same!” I tell him, exasperated.

“You can’t expect me to see the two of you together every day!” he says sharply.

“So what, you want Ryder and me to break up? Are you that selfish you don’t want to see me happy?” I spit out.

“No, I just love you that much!” he says through clenched teeth.

“That’s not love,” I counter bitterly.

“You're mine AJ,” he says. I almost want to squirm under his penetrating gaze.

“I haven’t been yours from the moment you touched another woman!” I yell at him, my eyes narrowed to amber slits.

“She was a distraction! You were out of it, grieving, you wouldn’t even talk to me!” he retorts.

I gape. “That's your excuse? You piece of shit!”

Saxon takes a deep breath, visibly calming himself.

“I know it was my fault, not yours. Okay? But we were each other’s firsts, I can’t say I wasn’t intrigued by the idea of sleeping with another woman,” he admits. Finally some honesty.

“And I hope she was worth it,” I say snidely. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t feel good to say it.

Saxon clenches his fists so tight his knuckles turn white. “It's the biggest regret of my life," he almost whispers.

I have no idea what to say, so I sit there staring at him.

Ryder suddenly walks in, calling out my name.

Saxon and I both look up at him, and I can’t help but admire his thick strong legs in his jeans. The man is built perfectly. He's wearing a long sleeved, thin black T-shirt and his chocolate hair is in a messy disarray. His five o’clock shadow is sexy as hell, too, but his most amazing feature are, of course, those intense stormy gray eyes, which are now narrowed suspiciously.

“What are you doing here, Sax?” he demands.

“Talking to AJ,” Sax drawls lazily.

“Her name is Lexi,” Ryder hisses.

“She'll always be AJ to me,” Saxon replies.

Ryder’s fists clench as he moves his gaze from Saxon to me.

“Is everything okay, Lexi?” he asks, gentling his voice.

“Saxon was just leaving,” I say, nodding. I can see Sax frown at me from the corner of my eye, but things between Sax and me are over. Apologies, years too late, aren’t going to help anything. Saxon was my first love, and I will always have feelings for him, but I know that he isn’t going to be a part of my future, at least as anything more than a friend. Saxon stands up and I’m surprised when Ryder tells me he's going to walk Sax outside. I inhale deeply and bury my face into the couch.

*****





Chapter 13


Ryder

“We need to be cool, Sax, we can’t let the band pay for this drama between us,” I tell Sax.

“Yeah? Easy for you, you get the girl,“ he says to himself, grabbing his helmet.

I ignore his comment. “Are we gonna be okay?” I ask frankly.

“I don’t know, Ryder,” is his infuriating reply. “I can’t stand to watch you with the girl I love, and I’m sorry, but I can’t pretend that I’m going to be okay with that shit.”

“So what? You want me to break up with Lexi for you? For the band?” I ask him, my fists clenching with the thought. I don’t think I could ever give up Lexi. I won't give up Lexi.

“The fact that you even ask that makes me know that you don’t deserve her. I would give up this band in a minute for Lexi,” he says as he puts his helmet on. And as he rides off, I feel like punching something. Preferably Saxon’s head.

*****

Lexi

Ryder comes back inside and sits next to me. I made a decision while he was outside. The hardest, most selfless decision I have ever made.

I realized that I was going to have to give up Ryder.

I was coming between him and his dream, and I couldn’t let that happen. Ryder would resent me if he was stuck here with me working a nine to five, while his band made it big. I'd never hold him back like that. Sax made it clear he wasn’t going to be okay with Ryder and me being together, and I really have no other options. And when Ryder starts touring, who knows how our relationship would fair? He could find someone else, and I would be lonely and wondering what he was up to.

“I think we should break up, Ryder,” I blurt out, setting my shoulders.

“What? Because of Saxon?” he asks in a rough tone.

“Yes, he's a part of it, but it’s just not gonna work out. Okay?” I tell him bluntly. Ryder stares at me in silence for a few moments before nodding with realization.

“You’re not gonna fight for us. You’re just gonna take the easy way out. Let me tell you something, Lexi, anything worth having you need to fight for. Nothing this amazing comes without a fight. And I was going to fight for you, for us, until the very end. But I can’t do that if you aren’t willing to do the same.”