Ruined (The Eternal Balance #1)(72)
His strokes quickened as he nibbled at the corner of my ear. “There’s only ever been you, Sammy,” he panted, warm breath caressing my neck. I moved with him, finding the pace that would send us over the edge. Fingers clutching. Muscles tightening. Breathing ragged. Waves of intensity like nothing I’d ever felt before.
One last push and we both slipped over. Wildfires. Earthquakes. Tsunamis. All the shocking forces behind nature had nothing on this. This was perfect. This was right.
This was mine.
They were mine.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jax
I bit down on the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste blood. It was the only thing stopping the roar of pain that threatened to rip me in half. It started building moments after I kissed her, driving me closer and closer to the edge of insanity. Sam’s breathing was soft and even, her body like an inferno beside me. More than anything, I wanted to stay in that bed, her wrapped in my arms, and forget the outside world existed.
Forget the demon existed.
“How bad is it?” she whispered.
I flinched at the sound of her voice. God. She knew me so f*cking well. I thought about lying, but decided it would never work. She’d see right through it. Always did. Forcing a chuckle, I said, “How do you think it’d feel to have your lungs yanked out through your nose?” I threw off the covers. Azirak was bouncing images again. It wanted to stay here with Sam, yet after being with her, it needed to feed again. The dizzying back-and-forth—blood and agony alternating with flashes of Sam—made everything spin.
She rolled over. “I’m thinking pretty unpleasant.”
God. She was so f*cking beautiful. Even with the slight frown tugging the corners of her lips down. A miracle. She was a miracle. One that loved me despite the fact that I’d shared her with a monster.
This wouldn’t work.
“I—I think I understand how it works now. With us.” I stumbled away from the bed, grabbing clothes along the way. Pants. Shirt. One boot. Through gritted teeth, I continued. “Being around you is hard, but not impossible. I think can take little bits of emotion here and there to keep Azirak under control. A nip of anger or a shot of fear, and it won’t do any damage. But when I get what I want—you, all of you—I’m flash-starving the demon. The good emotion just sucks the energy right out of us. Having it there while we—it made things…” God. This was so f*cking hard. “Easier. We couldn’t have… If I didn’t let…”
“Jax, it’s okay.” Sam sat up, the thin, scratchy hotel sheet wrapped tight around her chest. “So you’re saying it’s like burning too many calories. When you’re…happy?”
I turned away and pulled on the other boot, fingers shaking as I knotted the laces to keep them in place. Actual ties were impossible. Anything requiring too much coordination or focus just wasn’t going to happen right now. “You’re the ultimate demon diet wrapped up in a sexy package. It’s—” A spasm went through me, stealing all the air. I needed to get out of there. Sam didn’t need to see this, and I certainly didn’t want her with me if Azirak took control again. The memory of the thing’s excitement, and then pleasure, while we were with Sam killed me. “I need to feed it.”
Sam adjusted the sheet and nodded, flashing a heart-stopping smile. How had I stayed away for so long? More importantly, how the f*ck was I going to leave? Being around her again only reminded me how perfectly we fit.
Another spasm. Cutting it too close. Leaving her alone was risky, but it would be fast and I wouldn’t go far. With a nod, I was out the door.
It took longer than I’d wanted, but I was able to hunt down a demon. I stumbled upon it just as I was about to give up and head in the direction of the club. That part of town was where all the drug deals went down. It’d be easy to find a lowlife or two to pick off. But the demon was preferable.
Though not as strong as the one earlier, it calmed Azirak to the point where the near-blinding tension in my muscles eased, and the pain in my skull dulled to a barely there throb. And bonus? It came with zero guilt and a little extra kick. This was something I could get used to. Taking demons instead of kicking the shit out of humans. Double the energy and ten times less guilt. If I’d known offing them would afford him such a jolt, I would have been doing it all along.
By the time I made it back to the hotel with a new shirt for Sam, I wasn’t any closer to knowing what to do about the link. Sam’s life was tied to Chase’s, not to mention the whole hell-on-earth thing Azirak mentioned. I wasn’t clear on exactly what it meant, but it couldn’t be good. For anyone.
I balanced the coffees I’d picked up from Musso’s in one hand, the shirt draped over my shoulder, and managed to unlock the door with the other without dropping anything. The bed was empty, the comforter tangled at the foot and the sheet piled on the floor. I set the coffee down. “Sammy?”
No answer.
There was a stillness in the room that left me cold. I tore across the floor and kicked open the door to the bathroom. It bounced twice, the rattle echoing off the tile, before stopping to reveal an empty room.
Air. Maybe she went out to get some air. I rushed the door and stepped out into the sunlight. There was no one as far as the eye could see. Rick’s car was parked where I’d left it, the keys still heavy in my pocket. There was a noise on the other side of the room. The nightstand. My cell.