Ruined (The Eternal Balance #1)(67)
Jax felt suddenly cold. “Why?”
But Heckle didn’t answer. He poured himself a shot, downed it, and disappeared into the back.
Since I wasn’t willing to risk Chase coming back to Kelly’s, we went to a motel. The room smelled like mothballs, and the carpet was mustard yellow, but it was small and out of the way. Sam would be safe here for a while.
I couldn’t keep her awake forever. Eventually she’d fall asleep and Chase would be waiting, if for no other reason than to make a point—he was stronger. I couldn’t keep handcuffing her, either. First off, the scenario was too f*cking tempting. A repeat of the earlier infraction wouldn’t help the situation. Chase had the keys.
Why did the thought of killing my brother turn my stomach? It’s what Azirak had wanted since I was old enough to understand the thing living inside me. Maybe if I did what the demon had craved, I’d have peace. Unfortunately, in order for Sam to live, we all had to live.
“Talk to me,” she whispered. Sam sat on the bed across from me, legs tucked underneath her and face grim. She’d been quiet since we’d arrived, sitting pensive and watching me stalk the room. She was scared—the demon writhed to taste her fear—but she was also worried.
About me.
“I’ll fix this.” I had no idea how, but I needed her to know I was on it. That I wouldn’t just let her die. That’s why I’d stayed, right? To make sure she was safe? Bang-up f*cking job I was doing. Spectacular.
“No,” she said, stretching her legs and sliding from the bed. She crossed the room slowly, eyes never leaving mine. Damn me to hell if it didn’t get my heart cranking. I wished she wouldn’t look at me like that. With those hooded eyes and kiss-me lips. Hadn’t she figured out what that did to my concentration? “We’ll fix this. Technically this is my problem, Jax. Not yours.”
“Bullshit,” I snapped. At the outburst, Azirak stirred, excited. “Chase is my brother. That makes this mine to deal with.”
A sad smile slipped across her face. “Didn’t you once tell me it was us against the world?”
So beautiful. So fierce. So extraordinary. Fate was a cruel bitch with serious PMS. Why else would it let someone like Sam drift into my orbit? I’d never seen it as a child, knowing only that we were two kindred souls. But when I got older and saw myself for the monster I truly was, I never understood how she missed it. The darkness that was so evident to me seemed to slip past her unnoticed.
“We were twelve when I said that, Sammy. Obviously things changed.”
“Why did they change?”
I blinked. Sleep deprivation had set in. What the hell kind of question was that? “They changed because even though I don’t go out and slaughter innocent women, I’m no different from my brother. I’m a monster. Same as him.”
She scowled, slapping a hand against the bed. “You’re nothing like him. I’ve had years with you, seeing. At my parents’ funeral it was you who held that umbrella over my head, not Chase. When I was ten, it was you who spent your entire summer helping Mrs. Fellows paint her house when she broke both legs.”
I tried to protest, but she held up her hand. On a roll. No stopping her now.
“Yeah. I know it was you. I also know you were the one who sat up with Cora Michaels senior year after her brother committed suicide. It was you who shelled out the money to help save Old Man Harper’s dog after it got hit by that car. You sent flowers to Ginny Finley for six weeks straight after her boyfriend dumped her for being too fat.” She stepped closer. Our faces were so close. Everything about her—from the sweet scent of her shampoo to the way the breath moved through her body—was like an electric current running through the room making every inch of me feel alive. “It was you who saved me the night I was attacked on campus.”
Everything spun. How did she know about any of it? Shit. What should I do? Lie. I had to lie. “No. You’re wrong.”
But it was pointless. She knew everything. I could deny it until judgment day, and it wouldn’t matter. It’s why the darkness in me never bothered her. She’d known it was there all along. Only in addition to the darkness I saw, she must see something else. Something bright.
Something good.
She shrugged. I hated myself for noticing how the material of her shirt shifted, pulling tight across her chest. Or how her hair fluttered, framing her face and neck in soft caramel waves. Every minute detail was like a flashing neon warning sign to back the f*ck away. I didn’t, though. Couldn’t. She was a magnet and I was a slave to her pull.
“Doesn’t matter that you won’t admit it,” she continued. “The truth is, you’re a good man, Jax Flynn. You’re a good man—not a demon—and I love you. I’ve always loved you.” Warmth enveloped me as she placed her hand on the side of my face. “Always been in love with you.”
Parts of me were horrified to hear the words, while others had longed for them for so long. Inside Azirak shuddered, both happy and starving at the same time. Its hunger spiked, but it fought the urge to feed, flashing watery images of Sam’s face through my head.
She smiled. “I know you really believe we can’t be together, and you don’t want to admit how you feel about me, but that doesn’t matter. I know how I feel. And right now, that’s enough for me.”